23. Juniper
Juniper
It was a glorious spring day down by the cliffs, one of those Hawai‘i days that felt oversaturated with color. The turquoise sky and sapphire sea both seemed impossibly blue, and the vegetation shone deep hues of emerald against the black rock of the cliffs.
Waves boomed against the water-smooth rocks below, a pleasant base to the sound of marketgoers mingling and chatting. It was Juniper’s first time working a market since her maternity leave, and her heart was full.
“Roland Wilder, couldn’t be milder, how does your garden grow?” Aunt Toni sat in a beach chair near the back of the stand, bouncing her grand-nephew gently on her knees. “With feverfew and tulsi too, and marigolds all in a row!”
She gasped and looked up at Juniper.
“He smiled at me!”
Jun laughed at the look on her aunt’s face. “He does that.”
“What a happy baby you are!” Toni cooed.
It warmed Juniper’s heart to see them together. Her Aunt Toni, dark curls more gray than brown these days, green eyes as lively as ever. And her precious Wilder, growing every day. It was so strange, the collision of two worlds that had happened the first time they met.
Was it only two years ago that she was living out in the treehouse behind her aunt’s yurt, way up in the Santa Cruz mountains? It felt as though she had lived whole lifetimes since then. Redwood Grove felt as far away as a half-remembered story.
Her present was so vibrant, so full of life and color, that it left no room for the ghosts of her past.
A woman paused at one of the display tables, eyeing the bundles of herbs, and Juniper sprang into action.
The plan had been for Toni to run the stand while Jun hung back with the baby, but she was happy to be doing the opposite.
Interacting with the market crowd after weeks away fed her soul, and she loved that two of her favorite people were getting some quality time together.
They did eventually switch, Toni running the stand like the old pro that she was while Juniper nursed her son to sleep and secured him to her chest in a wrap.
She had finally gotten the hang of it after much trial and error (and some tears), and now she could get him in easily, even without the second pair of hands that had seemed necessary in the beginning.
She’d returned to the market with a bang, rolling out new products that she had developed during her maternity leave – including a baby-safe mosquito spray that sold out in the first hour – and all of her regulars were thrilled to see her again.
After being isolated in the ‘ohana for weeks with bouts of sleep deprivation that drove her to the edge of her sanity, it felt incredibly cozy to be back in the embrace of the community she had forged there on the island.
She was held, she was welcome, and she was fully alive.
She had everything that she needed to be a good mother to her son.
They would keep growing and evolving. Together.
When the market wrapped up, Toni refused to let her lift a finger. She sat nursing Wilder while her aunt packed everything up, and then Cody pulled up just in time to load it all into the van.
He was still doing all of the deliveries for his mom’s business and taking a full course load at the University of Hawai‘i, but every spare minute that he had was spent with her and Wilder.
The way that he showed up for her time and again without fail had created a profound sense of safety for Juniper. His consistency was the foundation of her newfound peace.
He had left Juniper to sleep that morning, getting up in the wee hours to change their baby’s diaper. When she finally got out of bed, she found him reading one of his textbooks at the kitchen table with their son asleep in his arms, and she’d felt completely full of love for them both.
She was finally sure of the path that she was on and the life that they were creating together.
“I’ll see you soon,” he said when the van was loaded.
Cody had left the white pop-tent up for shade; they would take it down later. For now, as the sea cliffs emptied, Juniper’s nearest and dearest converged on the tent to shower her with attention.
She changed into a sunshine-yellow dress that Lani had given her, and they all oohed and awed appreciatively when she reappeared.
“I guess you’ve got your something borrowed,” Emma said.
“And my something new.” She held her arms out for Wilder, and her aunt handed him back to her. The ache in her chest that she felt whenever she couldn’t see him calmed, and she was whole again.
“I’ve got something blue! Sit down.” Toni came forward with sprays of tiny flowers and set to work braiding them into Jun’s hair while she fed her baby.
When Toni was done, Juniper tucked Wilder into an ivory-colored wrap that one of the other moms in her postpartum yoga class had given her.
“I guess that makes me your something old,” Ethan said, offering her his arm.
Juniper grinned and slipped her hand through the crook of his elbow.
“We’ll see you over there,” Toni said, hugging her around the baby. Emma kissed her cheek, Lani gave her a wink, and the three women hurried ahead of her down the cliffs.
“Ready?” her dad asked when they were gone. There was a deep line of concern between his eyebrows.
She smiled, trying to comfort him. “I’m ready.”
“You’re sure you want to do this?” he asked.
Irritation spiked in her chest, hot and fierce, and she stepped away from her father.
“I just don’t want you rushing into anything, Jun. You’re barely eighteen. We could still–”
“Don’t do this,” she pleaded.
“I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret.”
“Why would I regret this?” She wanted to shout, but Wilder was asleep on her chest, so she had to settle for a fierce whisper.
“People change, Jun.”
“I’m not doing this right now.” She turned and walked away, gravel crunching beneath her feet. “I have someplace to be.”
It was a minute before her dad caught up to her. For a moment he just walked next to her in silence. Then he said, “I’m sorry. That was stupid.”
“Apology accepted,” she said stiffly.
He offered her his arm again – and after a minute, she took it.
They walked across the hot black cliffs, and Juniper pulled a bit of fabric over Wilder’s bald head to protect her sleeping baby from the hot afternoon sunshine.
Cool salt water drifted past them as waves exploded against the rocks below, splashing up over the sides of the cliffs and creating a rainbow mist in the air.
“I think that giving his daughter away is hard on any dad,” Ethan said quietly. “I never expected to have to let go of you so young.”
“Dad, we live walking distance from each other.”
He chuckled. “We do, don’t we?”
She paused and looked up at him. “I’m still right here. I’m still me.”
“So am I, junebug.” He put his hand over hers. “I’m right here.”
“Ready?” she asked.
He took a deep breath. “As I’ll ever be.”
A small crowd of well-wishers awaited them in the cool shade of the ironwood forest. The salt smell of the sea gave way to a fresh green scent as they walked across the pillowy floor of fallen pine needles.
And there was Cody, nervous and handsome in a simple white button-up. He had a fresh haircut that made him look older than he was. That plus his height, his confidence, and the way he carried himself… he was every inch a man, even if he was only eighteen.
Juniper felt deeply proud of him in that moment – proud of both of them, and of the life that they were building together. With one last smile for her dad, she let go of his arm and walked up to stand beside Cody.
When she reached him, he took her hand and brought it up to his lips for a fervent kiss. He put a gentle hand on Wilder’s back, and his eyes shone with unshed tears.
“Hi,” he whispered. “I love you.”
Juniper’s smile radiated out from her whole body. “I love you too.”
Her heart felt full to bursting with happiness… and at the same time, completely serene. She was exactly where she was meant to be, and that filled her with a sense of peace that subsumed both her joy and her nerves.
Uncle Manō, ordained the year before, led them through a simple ceremony. They exchanged a plain pair of golden rings… and that was it. Married.
“Easy as can be,” she whispered as Cody leaned down to kiss her.
Their wedding was followed by a reception right there on the floor of their makeshift church. The aunties laid a checkerboard of blankets down on the soft forest floor, and Tara unveiled a gourmet picnic lunch.
Juniper sat in the center, legs crossed beneath her sunshine skirt.
She held her nursing baby in one arm and ate with her free hand.
Cody was up and pacing, bringing her food and making sure that everyone was comfortable, until she finally caught his hand and asked him to sit on the blanket beside her.
The trees all around them were filled with kids. Emma and Toni sat nearby, chatting happily. They were surrounded by family and community, and Juniper’s heart was full of gratitude.
Her brother Teddy was the life of the party, walking unsteadily across the low hills of the forest floor and sending up peals of laughter every time he tumbled onto the soft bed of pine needles.
Fern was one step behind him, as always – his nervous, joyful shadow.
Ethan was quiet, even solemn, probably remembering his own wedding nearly two decades before.
Juniper left him to it. She had her own memories to make.