12. Tara
12
Tara
W hen Tara drove up the remote dirt road that Liam had directed her to, his truck was already parked off to the side. He was waiting for her in the shade of a huge tree.
He rose to greet her and wrapped his arms around her in an embrace that blotted out the stress of the rest of the world. For a moment, leaning into the solidity of the man she loved, Tara could breathe in peace.
A big picnic blanket waited for her beneath the monkeypod tree. As Tara settled onto it, Liam set out their lunch.
Looking around, she realized that he had taken out a whole big swatch of overgrown grass with his weed eater to create an open space for them to sit and have a picnic. There in the clearing that he had created, they were surrounded by a world of green.
There was a bottle of white wine chilling in a bucket of ice. With a flourish, he pulled aside a piece of cloth to unveil a massive charcuterie board, where he had set out an array of sliced cheeses, crackers, and pickled vegetables.
“What did I do to deserve all this?” she asked.
“You cook for other people all week long,” Liam said as he poured her a glass of wine. “I’m not much of a cook, but I can at least feed you. Here.”
She accepted the glass and took a sip. The wine was bright and refreshing, perfect for a picnic. Once he had poured a glass for himself, she clinked hers lightly against his.
“Cheers,” she said.
“To us,” he replied.
They were quiet for a while, enjoying the phenomenal spread of local cheeses and jams that he had put together.
“I can’t believe you made me a picnic,” she said, putting another dab of chili pepper jam on a generous hunk of goat cheese. “This is wonderful.”
“You’re too easy to impress,” he chided her gently. “You deserve a lot more than the occasional picnic, but I do what I can with the time you can spare.”
“I’m juggling too much,” she admitted. “I keep making sacrifices, making adjustments… I sold my cows and put the girls in school part time, but no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get ahead of it all.”
Liam just nodded, giving her his full attention. His eyes were as blue and deep as the ocean that Tara also saw too rarely, despite living just a few miles from the coast.
In that moment, she missed him preemptively. Life was so full and chaotic that she hardly had the time or energy to miss him when she was busy with other things… but every time she saw him, her heart ached to spend more time in his company. When she was near him, time seemed to slow down. He was a safe harbor from the hurricane of her life.
She looked away, and her gaze landed on the delicate yellow flowers that bloomed in the weeds all around their picnic blanket.
“I don’t know what happened with Cody,” she said. “It’s like I took my eye off of him for a minute, and he went right off the deep end. And now this.”
“It’s not your fault,” Liam said.
She just shook her head. “Life got busy, and I started treating him more like a business partner than the child he is.”
“He’s not exactly a child. The kid’s taller than I am.”
“But he is still a kid,” she said, looking him in the eyes again.
“Technically, yes. But not really . He’s in that tricky in-between phase.”
“I feel like I failed him.” Her voice trembled, and she swallowed past the lump in her throat.
“No mother could be more present than you have been,” Liam said. “You’ve been right there by his side his entire life.”
“I’ve been working too much,” she argued. “I let my homestead and my business take me away from my son.”
“You did all of that for your kids.”
“Did I?” She bit her lip and looked away. “I’m not so sure anymore. That was my dream. And yes, it was the childhood I wanted for them. Now I wonder if it’s serving any of us anymore. But I’m in so deep that I’m not sure what to do about it.”
“Say the word and I’m there. Whatever you need.”
His words hit so deep that she tried to make a joke of it: “My knight in shining armor?”
“If you’ll let me be,” he said earnestly.
She reached out and took his hand. “Thank you.”
“It’s not entirely selfless,” he said in a lighter tone. “I miss you when you’re working. I’d like to see more of you, but I don’t want my expectations to add to your stress.”
“They don’t.”
“I don’t want to be just another thing on your to do list.”
She blushed and looked away, which made him laugh.
“You know what I mean, Tara. This isn’t casual. Not to me.”
“It isn’t to me either. I’m just–”
“Busy. I know.” He reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. Her hair was up in a messy mom bun, she wore a sundress that was older than her son, and yet Liam looked at her like she was the most beautiful woman on the island.
She sighed and frowned, trying to find her way back to their conversation.
“I’ve downsized where I could,” she continued, “and I’m open to selling more animals, but nothing I do feels like enough. I keep on getting more customers every week, and that’s a good thing, because I’m finally putting a bit of money back into an emergency fund instead of living hand to mouth. But I don’t want to make the same mistake with my girls that I made with Cody.
“I regret letting the homestead take up so much of my time that I missed out on the last bit of his childhood. Because that’s it. He’s not a kid anymore. It’s just… gone, done. He grew up overnight.
“I want to be there for them – not just there in the house, but really present. I’m just struggling with how to do that. And then the baby… I want to be there for Juniper, but I can hardly handle my own kids, never mind a newborn. And don’t even get me started on trying to wrap my mind around the thought of becoming a grandmother –”
Liam leaned in and cut her off with a kiss mid sentence.
“Was I rambling?” she asked.
“Yes.” He smiled at her, and there was such an ocean of love in his eyes that Tara felt overwhelmed by it. Love of that magnitude could transform her life, if she let it. But with so many other changes happening all in one year, she didn’t feel ready for more.
“Sorry.” She sighed and reached for a cracker.
“You can ramble at me anytime,” he said. “I just don’t like to see you spiral.”
She put a slice of cheddar on top of the cracker and gave herself a moment to really take in their surroundings: the play of light and shadow over Liam’s face, the sound of the wind through the tall grass and the leaves overhead. They lived in such a beautiful place, but Tara lived so much in her head that she was blind to it most of the time.
“I can think of one solution to all of our problems.” Liam’s voice was quiet, almost diffident.
“Yeah?” She turned back to him with a smile. “What’s that?”
“Move in with me.”
She froze.
“Maybe I’m a fool for asking so soon, but Tara… we’ve known each other for nearly twenty years. There are no big surprises. We know each other.”
She nodded slowly. That much was true.
“I know it’s not an easy decision. I know how much work you’ve put into your land. But whatever animals you want to bring, we can integrate them into my farm. Paige and Piper love it there, and I could turn my office into a bedroom for them.
“Cody’s already got one foot out the door, but if he ever needs a place, I’ve got those cabins on the land that I rent out. He could have one. He and Juniper could share one, if that’s what they want. Heck, they could each have one.”
Tara just stared at him, stunned, as he laid out a plan. She couldn’t remember the last time she had heard the stoic, steady man say so much all at once.
It was unexpected, but he was right: it could solve all of their problems.
Tara owned her house outright, and selling it could give her many years of financial freedom. She could invest it in her business, or she could take her foot off the pedal and spend more time with her daughters instead. It would give her time to breathe and adjust to the changes that lay ahead.
But moving in and of itself was a huge change. Moving (or rehoming) that many animals was no small task. That house was the only home that her kids had ever known. She loved her land, and her neighborhood, and her neighbors…
And Cody… oh, he would hate this.
“It’s a lot to take in,” Liam acknowledged as her thoughts spun. “I don’t need an answer right this minute. But… will you think about it?”
“Yes,” she said, taking his hand. “I’ll think about it.”
“Do you want to live with me?” he asked vulnerably. “Kids, logistics, all of that to one side. What do you want?”
“I want more time with you,” she said without hesitation.
His smile hit her like a burst of light; she only saw it for a second before he took her face between two calloused hands and kissed her.
“I would love to live with you,” she said after he’d released her. “I just don’t know about the timing. Getting there… it would be a lot.”
“I’m here to help you.” He took her hand and ran his thumb across her skin. “Just promise me that you’ll think about it.”
She let out a weak laugh. “I won’t be able to think of much else.”
“Good.” He bent and kissed the inside of her wrist. “Because these days, you’re all I can think about.”
Tara felt herself blush. With an offer like that, what could she do but accept?
But the thought of moving her entire farm was almost unbearably overwhelming. It wasn’t just the logistics of it, but the impact it would have on her family, uprooting them so soon after her divorce. She wasn’t sure that was fair to them.
But oh, once they got past the initial transition… life could be so beautiful.
Tara lay back on the blanket, holding Liam’s hand and watching sunlight play in the leaves overhead. It was the most peaceful spot on the island, and yet her thoughts were a spinning mess of worries.
What was she going to do?