31. Fern
Fern’s heart was light as she hefted two heavy baskets full of produce out of the back of her car.
The neighborhood produce stands were one of the things that she absolutely adored about living in Pualena. Any day of the week, she could go and load up on yams and lychee and other delicious things without having to set foot in a grocery store.
She had lived in at least a hundred different places during her four decades on Earth, and it was an immense relief to finally feel settled. The Island of Hawai’i was varied and ever changing; maybe that was why it was the place that her restless soul finally felt at home.
She had fallen in love with the island many years before when she and her mom lived in Puna for a couple of years – possibly the longest that either of them had ever lived anywhere – and she loved it now that she had made a home for herself in Pualena.
Her mom had always told her that she was great at making friends, and it was true that Fern was always able to create some level of community wherever she went… but at the same time, she had spent her whole life wishing for a true friend, someone who knew her inside and out. Maybe here that would finally change, and she could find true friendship here in Pualena.
Maybe she could even start a family.
Yes, she was coming to it late, but women her age had babies every day. She hadn’t wanted to have a baby during her wild, wandering years. Hadn’t wanted to give another person a childhood as unstable as her own. But now that she was finally settled, the longing for a baby had hit her like a tidal wave, carrying her along to some unknown destination.
They had been trying without luck so far, but she felt hopeful. Even if she couldn’t have a baby of her own, there were so many kids out there who needed a home.
She had been trying to coax Chad into considering foster care for a while now, but he was adamant that he could never fully love a child that wasn’t his flesh and blood.
Fern still couldn’t wrap her head around that. She felt sure that if they just tried, if they took in a baby or a group of siblings, he would feel differently. After all, what sort of person couldn’t love a child in their care?
Carrying a basket in each hand, she walked up the outdoor staircase that led to the second floor of their house. The place was essentially a duplex, with two complete homes on each floor. She and her partner lived upstairs, and she had devoted the first floor to her yoga studio.
“Honey, I’m home,” she sang out as she walked inside.
No answer. She hefted the baskets up onto the kitchen table and walked down the hall towards Chad’s home office.
“Hello?”
He wasn’t there, but his car was parked out back. She walked through the bedroom and found him – them – out on the balcony.
“Hey Chad.” Fern’s heart stuttered as she looked between him and a young blonde. The woman had been to a couple of Fern’s classes, but she couldn’t quite remember her name.
“Hello, Fern.” Chad’s voice was grim. “You remember Tiffany?”
“Of course. Hello. How are you?”
“I– I’m okay,” Tiffany stuttered. She looked to Chad with a nervous expression, and he let out a heavy sigh.
“Fernanda,” he said heavily, “we need to have a discussion.”
“Okay…” She drew the word out uncertainly, blinking at him.
“Our time together has come to an end.”
“You… our what?”
Chad’s deliberate calm took on an edge of disdain. “Maybe we were afraid to step into the unknown, but circumstances dictate that I do so now.”
“What are you talking about?” She gave Tiffany a bewildered glance. The poor girl looked so uncomfortable.
“It’s time we let each other go. I think we’ve both known for some time that this relationship is past its expiration date.”
“Past its– Chad, I don’t understand. I thought we were–” She swiped a hand over her face, trying to organize a tornado of confused thoughts. “We’ve been talking about having a family together.”
“ You have been talking about your desire to adopt. And maybe that’s your path. But it’s not for me.”
Fern glanced at Tiffany again. She didn’t feel any anger, not yet. Just hurt that Chad would say these things to her at all, let alone in front of another person. Above all, she felt shocked.
Embarrassingly late in the conversation, it dawned on her why there was a third person present. She gaped at Chad.
“You’re leaving me for her?” She looked at Tiffany again. “He’s moving in with you?”
The girl picked at a tiny hole in her leggings. “Well… about that.”
“We agreed it would be best for Tiffany to move in here,” Chad said.
“ Excuse me?” There, finally, was a spark of anger.
“It will be easier on all of us if you accept the inevitable graciously, Fernanda. You might have been my twin flame, but she’s my soulmate. Do you understand? My hands are tied.”
Shock overshadowed the anger again… and with it, she felt appalled with herself that she had ever loved this man. What a conceited, arrogant, absolute pr–
“You can’t afford the rent on your own,” he said, interrupting her train of thought.
“I’ll manage.” Her tone was suddenly savage.
“You don’t need this much space,” he said slowly, as if explaining something to a child. “We do.”
“My yoga studio is downstairs,” she protested.
“And my office is upstairs. Aside from that, we need the third room for the baby.”
Fern staggered backwards, and her back connected with the wall. “The what?”
“I’m going to have a baby.” Tiffany spoke for the first time, her voice unsteady but cheerful. Chad reached over and took her hand.
“We’re going to have a baby,” he said to Fern, “and we need the house.”
“Get out,” she growled.
“Excuse me?”
“Get out of my house.”
“Fern, be reasonable.”
“ You can move in with her . I’m not leaving.”
“You can’t pay–”
“I’ll figure it out!”
“Really,” he sighed. “There’s no need to shout.”
Fern’s watch beeped an alarm, and she checked the time. Ten minutes until her next class. She drew in a ragged breath and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to martial her thoughts and feelings into some semblance of order.
“It’s okay,” Tiffany said in a tremulous voice. “We don’t have to live here. You can move in with me.”
“In Puna ?” he asked disdainfully.
Fern opened her eyes and looked at them. “I want your stuff out by the end of the week.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I’m very serious.”
“Fernan–”
She held a hand up and said, “I’m going down to teach a class. Pack a bag and get out. You can text me about when you’re going to come back for the rest of your stuff.”
“This level of selfishness is beneath you, Fernanda.”
She laughed – a hollow, one-note sound. Then she looked at Tiffany and said, “You want him? You can have him.”
Her stomach was in knots, but her head felt clearer as she strode back through the house and down the stairs. A dozen women were already gathered on the lanai for class, and their friendly expressions were an instant balm to her wounded heart.
“Hello, everyone!” Surrounded by familiar faces, she found that she had no trouble summoning up her usual good cheer – or something close to it, at least. “Who’s ready for class?”
She took her place at the front, skipping her usual introductory spiel. There were no newcomers today, just a dozen neighbors who liked her style enough to come back week after week. Their goodwill filled her heart.
She didn’t need him. She didn’t want him.
She would manage just fine on her own.
Right?
The story continues in Big Island Summer .