Chapter Eleven
The adrenaline had worn off and fatigue was setting in.
Olivia steered clear of any personal talk for most of the car ride from the High Country sheriff’s office, where they’d left Eli’s truck, and back to the motel.
Instead, they discussed the assignment. Potential next steps.
There wasn’t much for them to go on, aside from having Aegis search for any other projects in the state that had drawn environmental controversy. Lauren had analysts on it.
They were almost at the motel. Her heart was still heavy with all the things she wanted to say to him.
“It’s too bad a forensic artist can’t get in until tomorrow morning,” Eli said. “The sooner we have a sketch of Shepherd, the better.”
The sheriff had given them an update when they picked up the truck. No available sketch artist and the New Dawn Revolution suspects had been transferred to county jail.
“There aren’t many full-time forensic artists in the country, much less smaller towns and rural areas.
Here in Montana, they even have to share medical examiners.
” She debated whether to engage and decided it was best not to avoid it any longer.
“Earlier at the facility, when you asked me to go, it was hard for me to leave you.”
Eli turned into the parking lot of the Second Home Lodge. “I’m glad you listened and left.”
“It’s not simply that I’m adjusting to the fact I’ve got another person onboard to consider.” She took a breath, giving herself a moment to muster the courage. “It was also because I’ve never told you how I feel about you.”
Eli sighed. “No need to start now,” he said, and a deep pang went through her.
He pulled into a spot in front of a lamppost on the other side of the lot that gave him a clear view of the truck from their room. Killing the engine, he grabbed his hat and slipped it on.
Refusing to be derailed, Olivia set her hand on his forearm. “I didn’t want to say anything back there while you needed to disarm the bomb. I didn’t want to jinx it.”
“Good thinking. But this mission is far from over, so how about we don’t tip the scales. The odds are against us and I’ve already got bad luck tattooed all over me. Don’t make it any worse.” He got out of the truck. “Come on.” He slammed the door and started across the lot.
She hurried after him, catching up on the staircase. “I don’t understand how having an honest conversation about how we feel is going to make things worse.”
Reaching the top landing, he glanced at her. “Everyone I’ve ever cared about has either left me or died. My father. My mother. My aunt. My wife.”
Her pulse thundered in her ears. “You never talk about her. Your wife.”
Turning, he stalked down the walkway.
She was right on his heels. “Why not?” He shared things about his mother and aunt, but not his wife.
“Not much to say. It didn’t last long.”
“If she was the great love of your life, I want to know.” Catching his forearm, she moved around to stand in front of him. “You can tell me. I can take it.”
Pulling free from her grip, he folded his arms and tilted his head up to the night sky.
“You know it was a car accident with a drunk driver. But it turns out she wasn’t alone in the car.
She was with a buddy of mine. No reason for them to be together, at night, in his car, unless they were having an affair.
She was the kind of person who didn’t like to be alone.
Not for a few weeks and especially not for months while I was deployed. ”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” The news was surprising. “You’ve lost a lot. More than most. But that has nothing to do with us.”
He looked at her. “But it does. Can’t you see? I bring tragedy to everyone who gets close.”
Relationships weren’t her thing either. In her experience, there was a low return on investment. None worked out, and it wasn’t always the other person’s fault. Opening up, showing Eli her whole self, caring about him with her entire heart made her feel raw and exposed.
It was terrifying, but it didn’t stop her from trying to get closer to him.
“What about your team at IPS? You love them. You consider them family.” Though as she considered it, he even kept them at a distance. Never getting too close.
“It’s not the same, and you know it.” He stalked to their room.
The Do Not Disturb sign on the knob flapped in the breeze.
“But that’s just it, I don’t.”
He shoved a hand in his pocket and took out the key. “In five years, I haven’t walked away. I’m here now, backing you up, even though I think we should let this one go because I don’t want anything to happen to you.” He stared at her. “I’d die to protect you, Liv. Why isn’t that enough?”
Those weren’t small things. They were huge and meant the world to her.
But she also wanted someone who was willing to live for her, be in it with her every single day.
Tapping the key onto the electronic sensor, he unlocked the door. He twisted the handle and stepped inside.
She followed him. Taking his hand, she turned him to face her as the door shut behind her. “The only reason you proposed to me is because I’m pregnant. Because we made a mistake. Not out of love. It’s not enough because I want more.”
Eli leaned in and cradled her cheek in his palm. “This baby was a choice we both made. Not a mistake. I could’ve gotten a vasectomy and didn’t. We could’ve waited twenty minutes for me to run to the store to buy more protection. But we chose not to. Three times.”
She could’ve gotten her IUD replaced, but she started thinking about having her eggs retrieved and stored if she was ever ready and the circumstances were right.
“You thought about getting the big snip?” She rocked backward until her spine pressed to the door.
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you?”
They stood close. So close, the air went thick, and her pulse raced as she felt his body heat.
The man was nothing as simple as handsome.
It was the way he was built. The dark hair.
Honest eyes. Wide mouth framed by blunt, striking bone structure.
She put her hand on his chest, felt the honed muscles and tight sinew beneath the cotton of his shirt.
All of it paled in comparison to what was on the inside.
His big heart and boundless spirit were the sexiest things about him.
Keeping a palm on her cheek, he propped his other arm above her head on the door. That warm, secure bubble, where they were the only two people in the world and nothing else existed, bloomed. His gaze dropped to her mouth, setting off butterflies in her chest, and she wet her lips.
Eli shrugged. “Because of you.”
“What does that mean?”
“Means you’re my kryptonite.”
She frowned, not wanting to get sidetracked in a conversation about how kryptonite could kill Superman. It was the worst comparison.
“I know you care about me, E. But I don’t want to stay stuck in limbo with you, and I don’t want to get married simply because I’m pregnant. I’d rather move on from you. Find a way to co-parent. As just friends.” Best friends.
“No.” Clenching his jaw, he squeezed his eyes shut. “No.”
“No? Do you have anything to add to that?” She dropped her hand from his chest. “What do you feel for me?” Vulnerability was naked in her voice, though she tried to hide it.
She hated asking. Never imagined she would be that woman. She was independent, successful, had a supportive family and great friends. Truth be told, she did not need any man, but she wanted this one.
He looked at her and something in his eyes changed, heating and softening, making her thighs tingle.
“You and I will never be just friends. We’ll never be just anything.
When you walk into a room, everything else blurs and you’re the only person I see.
The only one I want to talk to or touch,” he said, and her heart squeezed.
“Your gaze finds mine every time and then without even thinking about it, I’m stepping toward you, drawn to you. Like—”
“Gravity?”
“Yeah, gravity,” he said, as if he had an epiphany. “I’m starting to think this thing between us is bound by the laws of physics. Maybe no way to change it.” He stroked her lips with his thumb, sending a flurry of sparks dancing through her.
Wrapping an arm around her waist, he pulled her from the door. He leaned closer, pressing his body against hers, and kissed her. To end the conversation, or distract her from the topic at hand, she didn’t know and didn’t care.
The heated kiss was hungry. Demanding. Filled with longing and a touch of sadness that tugged at her heart. He licked inside her mouth as emotion seared through her, a wave of need threatening to buckle her knees. She craved his touch, this intimacy. The connection with him.
As his hands caressed her body and he kissed her like she was special, like she mattered to him more than anyone else, she melted, turning into a puddle of goo.
The questions evaporated, the frustration, the anger, the paralyzing fear that had gripped her on the helicopter while she waited to see if Eli would disarm the bomb in time.
It all disappeared, supplanted by the thick, hot yearning surging through every muscle and every vein.
He shuffled them away from the door, peeling off her jacket and then his own.
They tumbled onto the bed. Instinctively, her legs parted, and she hauled him between her thighs.
His fingers tangled in her hair as his mouth slanted over hers and devoured.
Her skin felt too tight. Her blood hummed.
Even though she worried this didn’t mean everything to him as it did to her, all she wanted was them out of their clothes.
He tossed his hat and yanked down the bedspread.
“I can’t believe you took the time to make the bed this morning,” she said, smiling and unbuttoning her shirt. He was always so tidy, but this was the first time he’d straightened the bed in a hotel.
Eli stilled, the grin on his face fading. “I thought you made it.”
An eerie silence settled between them.
“Maybe, maybe housekeeping ignored the Do Not Disturb sign and did it,” she muttered.