Chapter 42 Such a Shame
Such a Shame
Darcy
I did it. I’m done. Both exams are finished, and my final projects, too. So I’m slouched on my sofa with a soda and a plate of mini taco crumbs on the coffee table in front of me. My hair is a mess, and I’m wearing Hello Kitty pajamas.
My email pings with a new message, and it’s from Zoe.
Hey! I bet you want your phone back. I’m sending it over by courier.
Don’t kill me for my choice of couriers.
Maybe think about brushing your teeth. And your hair.
Love you!—Z
I reread it. Then I read it again.
Then I spring off the sofa, ricochet around my furniture, to the bathroom.
It’s really hard to put toothpaste on a toothbrush one-handed, while also trying to brush your hair. Which is why I have a mouth full of foam when the buzzer sounds.
Damn it. If that’s Eric at the door, I’m going to murder Zoe.
Such a shame. She was usually a great best friend.
I spit, then run to the door. The peephole confirms my fears—Eric is standing there looking like a Greek god in a formfitting Legends shirt. “Eric,” I say through the door. “You need to give me a minute.”
“All the time you need,” he says. “I’ll wait.”
I manage a quickish change into a pull-on skirt and a tee. But there’s nothing I can really do about the scabby-looking spot on my face. Which is why Eric’s eyes widen when I finally open the door.
“Jesus Christ, who did that to you?” he asks, stepping forward to pull me against his chest.
“Nobody,” I mumble against clean cotton, trying not to inhale his scent. “It’s not that interesting a story.”
He must not believe me. Because in some kind of superhero maneuver, he scoops me up without jarring my broken wrist and carries me to the sofa, somehow kicking the door shut on his way. He seats himself on my sofa and sets me gently into his lap.
It happens so fast. All I can do is look up at him, feeling dazed by his nearness. I’m vaguely aware that sitting on his lap wasn’t part of the plan to get over Eric, but I just can’t bring myself to move.
“Tell me what happened,” he says, smoothing my hair away from my face and squinting at the spot where I got two stitches. “So I know who to kill.”
“That would be me, because this was self-inflicted,” I mutter. “Remember that branch across the path in Lake Placid? I tripped over it after I ran away. Fell down and broke my wrist.”
“Oh shit.”
“I said the same thing.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demands.
“Because it’s embarrassing.” And because I thought he’d find a way to take the blame for himself.
And, yup, Eric massages his temples and says, “That disaster was all my fault.”
“Both of ours,” I say quickly. “And you are not allowed to get a migraine over it.”
“Okay. Fair.” He drops his hands and looks around my living room. “Your place is sweet. It’s so cozy.”
“Thanks.” It is a nice place. “I did a lot of work myself—like that accent wall, and those curtains. Well, with my mother’s help.”
“How are things with your mom these days?”
I forget how much Eric knows about me, and I about him. That’s why it’s been so hard to untangle my heart. “It’s a work in progress. We’re talking again, so that’s something. I’ve been thinking about how I might use that money my father set aside for me.”
“Yeah?” His eyes light. “What for?”
“No decisions yet.” It’s funny—now that I have the option of quitting my job and finishing school full time, I don’t really feel the urge. But I have the choice now, and that feels powerful. “So… did you really bring me my phone?”
“Oh, yeah.” Eric reaches around and pulls it from a back pocket. But when I reach for it, he holds on tightly. “There are texts on here from me.”
My heart warms, even though it shouldn’t. “Okay. Am I allowed to read them?”
“Yes, but…” He bites his lip. “I was trying to ask how you felt about me meeting your dad for lunch.”
“Today? He was in New York?” And I can’t stop my voice from going high with confusion. It’s the age-old sound of heartbreak. As if I’m sixteen again, and my father has forgotten to call me on my birthday.
Eric looks wary. “Yes. I’m sorry. I got the feeling it was a last-minute thing. He said he wanted to chat. And, um, Tessa was there. He introduced her as his new assistant.”
I make a face. “Okay, I get it. I’m not sure I even want that lunch invitation. This was about your sponsorship?”
“Yeah,” he says slowly. Like the word costs him a lot.
“And?” I demand. “Did he give you a contract?”
The wariness in those clear gray eyes only increases. “Look, I’m torn,” he says, cupping the non-injured side of my face. It feels so good, I want to close my eyes and lean into his hand.
But I don’t. “About what?”
He sighs. “I will never lie to you. But it’s really fucking tempting right now.”
“Why?” My heart rate doubles.
“He gave me a contract, and I turned it down. It wasn’t a good fit after all. I wasn’t comfortable.”
“Why?” I ask quietly. “And don’t sugarcoat it.”
He closes his eyes briefly, like the question is causing him pain. Then he wraps his arms a little more tightly around me. “I’m glad you’re getting along a little better with your dad these days. But he made a request that didn’t feel right to me.”
“And you really don’t want to tell me what it is,” I say dully. Then I lean my head against his shoulder because it’s right there.
“No,” he whispers. “I don’t.”
“Please,” I whisper back. “Just tell me what pissed you off. It can’t be anything stupider than he’s already said or done.”
He kisses my temple. “He said that since Tessa was working with him now, she’d be around a lot. And since the two of you don’t get along—his words—it was better if I didn’t bring you with me when I went to any of our Wayfair photo shoots.”
I take that in. And I was right—it isn’t anything worse than he’s already done. Just favoring Tessa’s feelings over mine. “You know what’s weird?”
“Um, everything about your family?”
I smile against his shoulder. “Well, yes. But I was going to say—I don’t think my father actually loves her best. I think he’s just used to tiptoeing around her explosive personality. Because when Tessa misbehaves, he has to reckon with his own bad parenting.”
He takes a breath. “That’s some high-level analysis, Kendrick. But I just couldn’t get past the part where he offered me a beach vacation in one breath and then followed it up by saying I couldn’t bring his own daughter with me.”
My heart clenches, and the sensation is awfully familiar by now. “We’re not actually dating, though.”
“He didn’t know that, and it shouldn’t matter. Besides—you say we’re not together, and yet you’re stuck to me like a sloth in a mango tree.”
“Really? I had no idea that a mango tree could kidnap a sloth and carry it across the rainforest to the sofa. I missed that on National Geographic. And I thought we discussed this—you were supposed to take the sponsorship even if my dad is an asshole. They’re just going to give all that money to a golfer now. ”
I expect this idea to land hard on him, but it doesn’t.
Instead, his gaze gets all soft and lazy, and his hand rubs a slow circle on my back.
“The thing is, my priorities have changed. I thought a sponsorship would make me happy. That it would be, like, a capstone on my career. But then it didn’t.
He literally handed me the contract of my dreams, and I couldn’t hand it back fast enough.
I just wanted to race home and bribe Zoe into telling me when your exams were done, and your apartment number. ”
“Huh. How much money did she take you for?”
“She gave me the info for free, because—and this is a direct quote—she wants us both to stop looking so miserable all the time.”
“You don’t look that miserable,” I insist. I’ve just spent a couple of weeks watching him slay at practice and smile for a million photos.
“The captain has to fake it. The truth is, I miss you so much that it’s killing me.”
My stomach does one of its flips. “Really?”
“Of course.” He runs his fingers through my hair. “Not sure how to prove it to you, though. You’re really good at assuming the worst of me—like I’m just interested because you said no, or whatever you’ve decided in this stubborn head of yours.”
I take a deep breath and try to sort through my feelings—it’s a spicy blend of terror, longing, and joy. “I believe that you mean what you say. But I’ve never seen you date anyone for more than a hot second.”
“Yeah, and I’m sick of that,” he insists.
My heart wobbles. “In my experience, people don’t change that much.”
“They change all the time,” he fires back. “My whole perspective on life changed after my brother died. You told me your mother changed a lot after she learned the truth about her marriage. I call bullshit.”
Stunned, I lift my chin and look straight into his clear eyes. “Point to you, Captain. It’s just…” I swallow hard. “I thought that when you finally settled down, it wouldn’t be with…” I can’t even say it.
“What?” He smiles. “A redhead?”
I give my head a slow shake. “The admin,” I whisper.
His forehead furrows. “Sorry? What difference does that make?”
“Oh, please,” I gasp. “I mean—the admin and not a Grammy winner. Or a lingerie model.”
His eyes widen. “You can’t be serious. What have I ever done to give you the impression that I give a fuck what your job is? And, FYI, I’ve learned a thing or two during my adventures. There’s nobody on earth with worse self-esteem than a model. Did you know that?”
Chastened, I shake my head.
“A model knows that everything she has is the result of a genetic accident. And she’s ten pounds or a few wrinkles away from irrelevance.
They’re miserable people, Darcy. But you are one of the smartest, most capable people I know.
Everyone at work knows you’re a badass. Why would you think I don’t? ”
“But Eric…” I force myself to breathe. “Okay, this might be a me thing. Not a you thing.”
“You think?” He sounds upset.
“My mother was…” I swallow hard. “My father’s admin. Back in the day. That’s how they met.”
He blinks. And then his shoulders relax. “Oh.”
I nod vigorously, and my eyes are hot all of a sudden. “She spent the last decade telling me never to make the same mistakes she made, okay? Never fall for a guy who has all the money and power.”
His expression softens. “Sorry, baby—I have a lot of power in my quads and glutes. But I don’t think I have a lick of power over you.
Otherwise, I wouldn’t have spent the last month feeling quite so miserable.
The money thing I can’t help, though. Although I did turn down three million dollars today, so maybe there’s hope for me. ”
“THREE MILLION?” I shriek. “Eric, why?”
He catches my face in both his hands, taking care to avoid my stitches. “Because I wasn’t all in with Wayfair. I’d rather be all in with you.”
Oh my. Trapped in his clear gaze, I can’t look away.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” he whispers.
“Our time together wasn’t long, but it made a real impression on me.
I loved having you in my corner, and I know I’d be good in yours, too.
If you let me. I want to date you for real.
I want all the dinners out and the burnt marshmallow photos.
And I want you by my side for whatever painful family events we feel obligated to attend. ”
“Oh.” I can’t believe Eric walked away from that absolute mountain of money. And that he was thinking about me when he did it. “Oh.”
“Is that something you want, too?” he asks.
I nod before I can stop myself. Because I do want that. So much.