Epilogue
Final Transcript of Sheriff Grizzley T. Lawman's Interview
Me: Well, Sheriff, that's quite a story. So you ended up working with the convoy instead of arresting them?
Grizz: leans back in his chair, looking slightly embarrassed Now hold on there, little lady.
Don't go spreading it around that Sheriff Grizzley T.
Lawman was "working with" anybody. What happened was I corrected a serious error in judgment about who the real scum-sucking criminals were in this whole goat rodeo.
Me: How did Smokie and Mr. Snuggles handle all the excitement?
Grizz: chuckles and shakes his massive head That boy had more fun than a tornado in a trailer park.
Got himself adopted as an honorary convoy mascot, and that cotton-stuffed husband of his now owns more tiny trucker accessories than a doll house convention.
That dragon woman Bertha went and made him a working CB radio the size of a matchbox.
I still don't understand how the damn thing gets reception.
Me: And what about Big Timber and Ali? How did their story end?
Grizz: grins widely Those two lovebirds got themselves hitched about six months later in the biggest supernatural circus I ever did witness.
Had the whole shebang right there at Moonbeam's Truck Stop.
Dragons breathing ceremonial fire, werewolves howling what I guess were supposed to be wedding songs, and enough diesel fumes to kill a small elephant.
It was beautiful, in a completely insane, truck stop kind of way.
Me: Did you attend the wedding?
Grizz: coughs and looks away Well now, I might've driven by to make sure there weren't any noise ordinance violations or public disturbance issues.
And I might've stopped to sample some of that wedding cake to make sure it wasn't a supernatural narcotic.
That dragon lady Bertha makes a hell of a cake, turns out.
For purely investigative purposes, you understand.
Me: What happened to Sheriff Cottonmouth?
Grizz: face turns thunderous That miserable, corrupt, dragon piece of garbage got himself fifteen to twenty years in federal prison, and that's too good for him if you ask me.
Turns out when the feds start digging into one crooked sheriff, they find all kinds of other worms crawling around in the woodwork.
Should've gotten life without parole, the bastard.
Me: Do you have any regrets about how things went down?
Grizz: pauses, uncharacteristically serious You know something, little lady?
I learned more about real law enforcement from that hairy, eight-foot trucking sumbitch in one week than I did in thirty years of chasing speeders and writing tickets.
Sometimes the folks who look like monsters turn out to be the real heroes, and sometimes the folks wearing badges turn out to be the ones you got to lock up.
That furry bastard Big Timber showed me what it means to actually serve and protect instead of just throwing your weight around because you got a star pinned to your chest.
Me: So what's next for Sheriff Grizzley T. Lawman?
Grizz: leans forward conspiratorially, lowering his voice Well now, I been hearing some disturbing reports about unlicensed prizefighting operations.
Something about a nightclub singer getting herself mixed up with some kind of Jersey Devil who thinks he's the second coming of Rocky Marciano.
Word is there's territorial disputes and illegal gambling rings that might require the professional attention of a qualified law enforcement officer who knows how to handle supernatural degenerates with anger management problems.
Me: Sounds like another case brewing.
Grizz: stands up, straightening his substantial frame and adjusting his badge Case hell, that's just another Tuesday in Fairweather County.
Between you and me, little lady, I'm starting to realize this job involves a lot more relationship counseling for supernatural folks than they mentioned in the sheriff's academy.
Who knew keeping the peace would mean playing marriage counselor to cryptids with commitment issues?
Me: One last question, Sheriff. What's the most important thing you learned from the convoy incident?
Grizz: pauses at the door, his expression growing serious That there's a big damn difference between enforcing the law and serving justice.
And that the real degenerates ain't always the eight-foot truckers trying to save dying children.
Sometimes the real criminals are the corrupt sons of bitches wearing uniforms who forget that this badge means you serve the people, not the other way around.
Sheriff Cottonmouth learned that lesson the hard way, and any other crooked lawman in my jurisdiction better take notes.
Me: Thank you for your time, Sheriff.
Grizz: tips his hat with authority The pleasure was all mine, little lady.
Now if you'll excuse me, I got some nightclub singers and Jersey Devils to go investigate.
Can't have unlicensed fight operations running in my county without proper law enforcement oversight.
There is no way, and I mean NO WAY, some supernatural prizefighter is gonna make Sheriff Grizzley T. Lawman look like an amateur.
End of Interview
Sheriff Grizzley T. Lawman will return in Any Witch Way But Loose.