Chapter 16
Casey
The rhythmic beeping is the only indication that I’m still alive. I can move my fingers and toes, but nothing else. I try to move my neck, but it won’t budge. Neither do my legs or arms.
“Don’t move,” says a harsh voice next to me. “You’re restrained to the bed, and you’ll only hurt yourself trying.”
“W-Why?” I close my mouth as my throat burns.
“Don’t talk, either,” she says. “They had to intubate you, prepping for surgery, but turns out, you may not need it.
It was the first piece of good news that came out of the woman’s mouth.
The room is dim but not necessarily dark. I can see the speckled walls and ceiling in front of me, but I can’t turn to see the person speaking.
“Who are you?”
“Shelly Jeffries, your nurse for tonight. But you can call me Ms. Shelly if you’d like.”
“Not just Shelly?”
“No, we’re not friends yet, Mr. Tucker.”
Despite her terse words, a grin tugs at my lips. Ms. Shelly adjusts my blanket and moves the bed higher so that I’m half sitting up.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Mm hmm.”
There’s commotion at the door, loud voices getting louder, and then Austin, Jane, Charlotte and Caleb all walk in. Charlotte covers her mouth as soon as her eyes find me, as though I were a ghost, but Jane maintains her composure. Only her tight lips give away the concern on her face.
“Fuck,” Austin whispers as he approaches the bed.
“Do I look that bad?” I whisper.
Charlotte doesn’t answer, her hand is still over her mouth, but Caleb does. “You look good, man. Like you’re ready to step on the mound tomorrow.”
“Caleb,” Charlotte warns, finally dropping her arms. She skewers him with a look that I bet makes Caleb consider trading places with me only to get Charlotte’s sympathy instead of her wrath.
“Maybe not tomorrow, but the next day I’ll be ready,” I whisper. There’s little bravado in my voice, but it makes me feel better to say it.
“Casey.” Charlotte’s voice is laced with pity, and my chest tightens with anxiety.
“I wouldn’t worry about playing right now,” says Austin. “The important thing is you’re all right. I mean, when you went down and didn’t move, I was—”
His voice cracks, and Jane gently places her hand on his forearm. “We’re glad you’re okay, Casey. What’s important is that you’re here and you’re conscious now.”
“Now?” My eyes scan the room for a clock, but I don’t find one. “How long have I been out?”
No one answers at first. Then I look at Austin. “How long?”
“A few hours.”
“Did the doctor say when I can leave?”
“He… uh… said it would be a few days. They have to run some more tests.”
As though he were summoned, a man wearing a white lab coat and blue scrubs walks in. “Mr. Tucker. Good to see you awake.”
“Thanks, Doc,” I mutter, unsure if that’s a compliment since it doesn’t really make me feel better. “When can I get out of here?”
“Well, like your brother just said, we still have to run some tests. The good news is we didn’t need to perform any major surgery as we had originally thought we would. We didn’t find any evidence of a neck fracture, so we can remove the brace now if you’d like.
“That would be great,” I say. “Anything else before I can leave?”
He crosses his arms over his chest and sighs. “Mr. Tucker, although the prognosis isn’t as bad as we initially feared, I’m afraid it isn’t as good as you would obviously like it to be, either.”
I blink. “W-what does that mean?”
“I’m afraid your recovery will not be quick.
You suffered a major injury to your head.
Frankly, one inch closer to your temple and…
well, while you did not need surgery, you could have a mild skull fracture.
In addition, you suffered a severe concussion, and we are still not sure what effects that will have on your brain and your body.
We are still in the early stages of figuring this out. ”
I look over at Austin. “What sort of shitty hospital did they take me to?”
“Case, it’s one of the best in the city.”
“Bullshit,” I shout and then cringe when my throat burns and my head hurts.
“I’m getting out of here.” I try to move, then remember that I’m still strapped to the bed. “Ms. Shelly, get these damn things off of me.”
The nurse doesn’t move. She looks to the doctor and he nods. She not so gently unstraps my bindings and removes the neck brace. I turn to stand up, and the whole world spins on its axis.
“Casey!” Austin shouts, but Ms. Shelly is there, probably having anticipated this outcome.
She gingerly lays me back on the bed and grabs a pan when I gag.
I turn and expel the contents of my stomach into it.
Completely humiliated and exhausted from the experience, I close my eyes and turn my head away.
“How long?”
No one answers and I inhale deeply to keep my composure. “How long until I can get back to pitching?”
“Oh, you can start exercising in a few weeks.”
“No, when can I play in a game?”
“Oh. Well, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
I open my eyes to stare at him. “What do you mean?”
“Even if your fracture heals, it would be too dangerous for you to chance another injury like this. The next time, your brain may not recoup from a severe concussion like this so easily. You could suffer permanent damage. It is my recommendation that you stay off the field.”
Exasperated, I mutter the words, “For how long?”
“You can exercise and throw in practice, but Mr. Tucker, it is my recommendation that you do not play professionally again.”
Someone gasps loudly, and I’m almost sure it’s Charlotte that runs out of the room. My gaze is fixed on the ceiling.
“Certainly, Doctor, that recommendation is a bit extreme,” says Caleb cautiously.
“I don’t think it is,” says the doctor as though he hasn’t just ripped my heart out of my chest.
“While we are optimistic that Mr. Tucker will make a full recovery to live a normal life, he may even be able to drive soon, I do not think if he sustains another injury like this one that he would recoup as well, or at all. So, no, I don’t think I’m being extreme.
I am protecting his health and well-being. ”
“Look, Tuck, it’s not so bad. The important thing is that you’re okay.” Caleb’s voice is hopeful. “You’re still young. You’ll find something new to do with your life.”
My head is throbbing now. It feels like a hammer across my forehead and temples. “Get out,” I whisper.
“He’s right. It’s not so bad,” Austin continues, as though I hadn’t spoken, and it makes my blood boil.
Not so bad? Not so bad! Fuck that!
“Get out!”
No one says another word. Neither do they move and I don’t know what else to say to make them understand I don’t want to hear it from anybody anymore. I close my eyes and turn my head again.
“I think Mr. Tucker needs his rest now,” says the doctor. “He has overexerted himself. He’ll feel better in a few days.”
I clench my fists beneath the blanket and gnash my teeth, otherwise I might tell the good doctor to fuck right off. I won’t feel better in a few days. How could I when he just told me that my life is over?
The doctor ushers them out but Ms. Shelly remains. She tidies up some gauze and tape next to my bed. When she’s done, she looks over at me. “I’ll come check on you in a couple of hours. The doctor’s right, you should get some rest.”
She doesn’t wait for my response, for which I’m glad because I don’t have one. I simply stare out the window from my hospital bed. I can’t seem to form a thought, or perhaps I don’t want to. Instead, I stare at the lines in the sky and let my mind go blank.
*
“Mr. Tucker?”
Ms. Shelly is back. But I don’t open my eyes.
“There’s a woman here to see you.”
“No,” I say.
“No?”
“I don’t want to see anyone.”
“Are you sure? She seems very adamant about coming in. I told her it wasn’t a good time, but she is quite pushy.”
By that description, I’m certain it’s my mother. “Just tell her I’m fine and that I don’t want to see anyone. In fact, I don’t want any visitors while I’m here in the hospital. Put that in my chart or make a sign on the fucking door if you have to.”
“That’s fine, Mr. Tucker. But there’s no need to be cussing with me. I won’t tolerate it.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
She leaves and I close my eyes again. She shuts the door behind her, and I shut off all my thoughts again, closing myself off to anyone or anything.