Chapter 25
Casey
Two weeks later, the bed sheet next to me is cold and I can’t smell Sage’s lavender essential oil.
I turn over and see the crumpled comforter thrown over and the bed empty.
I slept like a dead man last night. I don’t think I rolled over even once.
I remember my head hitting the pillow and waking up. That’s it.
As I rub the sleep from my eyes, I stagger toward the living room. The balcony door is open and a warm breeze wafts through as I walk in. I start at the sound of a windchime. I don’t recall ever hanging one on my balcony, but there it is.
And there she is.
The sight freezes me in place. Sage is on all fours, her bottom pressed back, and she’s staring up at the ceiling. Then she arches her back and drops her head to her chest. She does this a couple more times before she notices me. “Oh, hey,” she says with a smile. “You’re up.”
“Yep.” In more ways than she knows.
“I hope I didn’t wake you. I couldn’t sleep so I came here.”
Walking closer to her, I fight the urge to drop down next to her and pull her on top of me. But instead, I ask, “When did I get a windchime?”
She smiles as she looks up at the whimsical decor. “I saw it the other day when I went for a walk. I couldn’t resist. Do you hate it?”
I sincerely think about the question. “No. I kind of like the sound. It’s soothing.”
Her smile grows so big you’d think I’d complimented her instead of a windchime. “It brings in positive energy, and some say even repels evil.”
“I don’t think it’s working,” I tease.
“Why not?”
“My thoughts are not very pure right now.”
She laughs and then shrieks when I grab her waist and pull her against me. “I missed you this morning,” I whisper into her ear. “I didn’t like waking up without you beside me.”
She beams up at me. “You didn’t?”
I nod and kiss her gently on the lips. “Why couldn’t you sleep?”
Her smile falters and her eyes look away. Cradling her face with my hands, I look into her eyes. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“Yes… and no.”
“Sage, baby, you have to be more specific than that.”
She sighs. “I know.” Then she rolls off me and crosses her legs.
I sit up, resting my elbow on my knee, watching her.
Her pink tights match her toes and while I have never noticed things like that before, I’m noticing a lot more with Sage.
“Talk to me. You’ve never had a problem being honest with me. ”
“It’s not that. I have no intention of lying. That’s what kept me up all night, is wondering how I would say it.”
“Say what?” Her tone and face scare me.
“I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“What?”
She reaches for my hands. “You’ve been doing so great here on your own. Dr. Lukes and his team are incredible, and I see how strong you’re getting every day. You’re going to be back with your team in no time, I’m sure of it.”
I close my eyes while I run a hand through my hair. “I don’t understand. You were never my trainer. You’re my girlfriend, Sage. You don’t have to leave just because I’m getting better.”
She shakes her head. “It’s not that.”
“Then what is it?”
“I’m going to take that job in New York City.”
Her face shows no emotion. Other than blinking. Her hands sit still at her knees, and she doesn’t move at all.
I smile. “That’s great, babe. I’m proud of you.”
She swallows and then drops her head into her hands. “Oh, Casey,” she sobs. “I thought you would be upset.”
I pull her hands away and press her face to my chest. “Why would I be upset?”
“Because I’m leaving you.”
My hand stiffens in her hair, and I look up to the ceiling. “Just so we’re clear… you’re moving to New York. We’re not breaking up, right?”
She pulls back to look at me. “No. We’re not.
But I’ve never left anything or anyone before.
It feels wrong, but at the same time, I kept thinking about this job.
It’s the perfect opportunity, and you’re right, I would regret not taking it.
I was so confused, but when I saw how happy you’ve been these last couple of weeks, it made me think about what I really want.
I want to help people get back on their feet.
I want to do it with every cell in my body. ”
“And that’s what I love about you. You don’t give up on people, and you are not leaving me. You don’t have to stay in one place to prove your loyalty to me or anyone else. Just be happy, that’s all I want. We will figure out the rest.”
She wraps her arms around my waist and squeezes. “I’m so scared of losing you.”
“You’re not going to lose me. Never.”
“How are we going to do this?”
I hold her tighter. I’m not sure. It will be hard. But I know we’ll find a way. We have to because I’m not willing to lose her.
“Come back to bed,” I say and pick her up into my arms. “You’re not leaving just yet and I plan to spend as much time with you as I can.”
She doesn’t resist. Instead, she sinks into my body and kisses me until we both stumble onto my cold sheets.
Sage
Casey and I make love the rest of the day, sometimes slowly, often fervently. I know it won’t be the last time I’ll see him, but I don’t know when the next time will be. So, greedily I hold him and love him with every tender intention.
I can’t believe how easily he accepted my decision. I don’t know why I expected him to be angry. Perhaps, I worried that I would disappoint him and that he would feel abandoned. But perhaps that’s more of my hang up than his.
Casey has taught me that to love someone isn’t always a sacrifice.
It’s more about compromise and understanding.
I thought I had to lose something to prove how much I care for him.
But I don’t, we just need to figure it out together.
My parents gave up their home, and I always thought it was the reason we were so scattered.
I felt untethered, always bouncing from one place to the next.
I thought loyalty would be staying in one place, but I was wrong.
*
I’ve been in New York for a couple of weeks.
The first week was the hardest. Casey helped me find an apartment.
Every time I called the realtor about a unit, it was out of my price range, but then Casey found another place only two blocks from work for a crazy cheap price.
I believe he paid the landlord an advance, but both are tight lipped so I can’t prove it.
Professor Fox has been generous with his time, showing me around the hospital. I’m working with a group of hockey players, trying to figure out new ways to quickly recover from their injuries. It’s rewarding work but I can’t say that I’m not lonely when I get home.
Casey’s always there when I need him. Unless he’s on the mound, he answers my video calls. I love seeing his smile when he picks up the phone. He cheers me up every time. I don’t know if I’m sad because I miss him or that I’m lonely in general. I miss my friends back home. I even miss Mrs. Green.
I’m trying to figure this out, thinking perhaps it’s normal to miss the things we love. I just have to stop feeling guilty about it.
“Sage? Sage, did you hear me?”
I shake my head and look up at the woman leaning against the door frame. Lily, our receptionist, stares at me. “Ingrid Erikson is here. Are you ready for her?”
“Yes, of course. Please bring her in.”
Lily lingers at the door. “Is everything all right?”
I smile, albeit it feels forced. “Yes.”
She nods, and a few seconds later, a tall, muscular blonde walks in with a cheerful grin. “Hey, how’s it going, Sage?”
“Good, Ingrid. How are you feeling?”
“Much better, actually. I can barely feel that twitch in my knee.”
“Really? Let me take a look.”
She pulls up her pant leg, exposing her right knee. Slipping on a pair of gloves, I examine the tissue around her knee joint. There’s no swelling nor is there any clicking when she moves it. “Keep your thigh straight and just move your calf to the right. Do you feel anything now?”
Ingrid shakes her head. “Nope. Nothing.”
I nod and make a note in her chart. “That’s wonderful. The last round of therapy really made a difference.”
“Sure did. I felt great afterwards.”
I check off all the exercises Ingrid tells me she completed this week and sit back with a smile. “You’ll have to speak to Dr. Liu, but I think you’ll be back on the ice by the end of the week.”
Her grin widens and she throws her head back. “Thank God. I’ve been going nuts sitting on the bench while everybody else has fun. Thank you.”
I grin and close her file. “You’ve been an excellent patient. You should thank yourself.”
I walk Ingrid out to the front and tell Lily that she’s ready to see Dr. Liu now.
“Sage,” Lily calls before I return to the recovery room. “What are you doing after work? A few of us are getting some drinks at a bar down the street.”
“Oh… uh… I was planning to go home and watch the game.”
“Which game?”
“The L.A. Jets vs the Seattle Tridents. It’s the NLCS.”
“What?”
“The National League Championship Series.”
When she still looks confused, I say, “It’s a baseball game.”
“Oh, well, I’m sure they’ll have the game on at the bar. Come on. It’ll be fun.”
It would be fun to get out for a bit. I really wanted to watch Casey’s first game back live at the stadium, but I couldn’t get any time off of work so soon after starting.
I spoke to him just a little while ago before he went to practice.
He didn’t seem nervous, which was a relief.
I think I’m more nervous than he is. Maybe going out with Lily and the girls will be a nice distraction.
“Sure, that sounds like fun. I’ll just go home and change. Which bar?”
“Rangers Sports Bar on Madison. It’s got a big hockey stick out front, you can’t miss it.”
“Oh, I know that place,” says Ingrid. “It’s got the best wings.”
“Ok, I’ll see you there.”
A few hours later, I showered and put on one of my favorite summer dresses, the one with the blue irises. I’ve let my hair down and strapped on a wedge sandal. It’s the fanciest I’ve gotten since I came to New York.