Chapter Thirty-Seven
Jace
? “listen before i go” - Billie Eilish ?
I stare out into the distance as the blur of trees pass by.
Only the whistle of the wind fills the silence through the rolled-down window.
I sit in the back seat with Noah. Rowan is driving and Celeste is in the passenger seat.
It took us three hours to fly from Wyoming to North Bend, Oregon.
On the flight, Noah was able to find footage of Lily dragged onto a boat with three other men.
Someone had recorded it on their phone and posted it to their private social media.
No police report was filed.
That boat then left South Beach, and fucking docked at Vancouver Island. Fucking Canada. They took her to fucking Canada.
I bring my face closer to the window, letting the wind strike me until I can’t inhale.
Until the icy breeze wraps around my lungs and chokes me from the inside.
I let them burn for as long as I can until I feel nothing but pain.
I don’t want to feel anything but the pain I inflict upon myself because it is what I deserve.
I no longer deserve to live this life for what I have done.
I deserve to have my head placed on a fucking stick and lit on fire with a thousand lighters. She didn’t deserve this.
She doesn’t deserve this.
This was not how it was supposed to go.
I don’t deserve her. But I can’t live a life without her.
I turn my head away once it feels like my lungs are going to collapse, leaning my forehead onto the back of Celeste’s seat.
“We will find her,” Noah says quietly.
If there is no longer a Lily, there is no longer me. She has had her fingers wrapped around my heart for years and without the warmth of her fingers, my heart will no longer beat.
“You know, one time, Lily and I were at a dive bar, and they started playing ‘Toxic’ by Brittany Spears. Lily was so drunk that she stood on a chair and started dancing.” Celeste lets out a little laugh.
“She was wearing these six-inch heels and some dress she sewed up the same night. The chair leg ended up breaking from under her and she fell backward, ripped her dress and hit her head. Blood started gushing everywhere.” Celeste turns around in her seat, grabbing my hand.
“I freaked out of course, because she was bleeding, but she started to laugh so hard. Her dress had ripped down her ass and she was worried someone was going to see, but she was so drunk she didn’t notice we were the only people in the bar.
” I feel Celeste’s hand squeeze mine. “Jace.”
I turn my head to see her staring at me. “She is strong. She is going to be okay,” she says.
“What if—What if I am too late? What if I took too long? I promised her I would be right there, but it has been days. I know she is strong, but what if she wants nothing to do with me after? I put her through this. I put this trauma upon her.” I swallow the thickness in my throat.
“You waited years to talk to her. Now is your time to fight for her.”