Chapter 20
That night, I moved back in with Raven and Pixie at the Roost, feeling a strange combo of comfort and jitters. My undisturbed room gave me a sense of security, but thoughts of Vince consumed me as I lay in bed. His touch, his voice, the way he took charge in the bedroom—all of it haunted me. I couldn't get rid of the memories of our private moments and how demanding his presence was.
I felt like a fool for not being more careful with my birth control. And what was worse, I was suspicious, fearing Vince may have tampered with it and that this was his plan all along. Now, I was carrying his child. Holy shit.
Honestly, I worried about what kind of life I had doomed my child to. Growing up in the madness of a biker gang would be one bad thing, but having a father connected to the mafia added another layer of dangerous shit. I didn't wish for that for my baby.
I thought about my own family, how they had pushed me into pageants and acting, made it seem like what I’d wanted. How they had never been there when I needed them most. Not since my breakdown. I knew I didn't want them to be within ten feet of my child. I wanted to break the cycle of dysfunction and give my baby a chance at a better life.
The next morning, I went back to the fern farm to ask for my job back. Old man Mather's office smelled like earth and plants, refreshing to me. When I walked in, he raised his head from his papers and his eyes softened with recognition.
"Sybil, good to see you. What brings you back?" he asked, taking off his reading glasses. “Big order from the new husband, I hope.”
I took a deep breath, my hands fidgeting nervously. "I need my job back. I'm pregnant and... the guy turned out to be a real dick. I'm not married, unfortunately."
He studied me for a moment, then nodded. "You can work in the front office. We'll make it work."
Relief washed over me, and I thanked him profusely. The front office wasn't as physically demanding, and I needed something stable while I figured out my next steps.
The typical wild party was in full swing that night at the Roost. The music was bumping, and it reeked of beer and sweat. I reached for a drink out of habit, but Raven stopped me, her eyes stern.
"Don't forget, you can't have a drink."
"Fuck," I muttered, realizing she was right. Frustrated, I left the party altogether, needing some air and space to think.
The next month at the Roost was a blur of routine and trying to find some semblance of normalcy. I worked at the fern farm during the day and spent my nights at the clubhouse, trying to stay out of trouble. Vince texted me daily, but I never answered. Each message was a reminder of the mess I was in, and I couldn't bring myself to face it.
One night, alone in my room, I decided to read through his texts. They started off simple, asking how I was, telling me he missed me. But as the days went on, the messages became more desperate, more pleading. He said he was sorry, that he loved me, that he needed to talk to me.
Day 1:
"Sybil, I hope you're okay. Please let me know you're safe."
Day 2:
"I know you're angry, but we should have a conversation. Please."
Day 3:
"Sybil, I'm sorry for everything. Please give me a chance to explain."
Day 4:
"I can't stop thinking about you. We must address this issue.”
Day 5:
"Please, Sybil. Just one conversation. That's all I ask."
Day 6:
"I love you, Sybil. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true."
Day 7:
"I'm not giving up on us. Please respond."
Day 8:
"Sybil, this silence is killing me. I need to know you're okay."
Day 9:
"Remember the good times we had? We can have that again. Please talk to me."
Day 10:
"I can't believe you're just gone. I need you to understand how much I care."
Day 11:
"Please, Sybil. I made mistakes, but my feelings for you are real."
Day 12:
"I love you, Sybil. I miss you so much."
Day 13:
"I'm sorry for everything. I never meant to hurt you."
Day 14:
"Please, just one conversation. I need to hear your voice."
Day 15:
"Sybil, I'm begging you. Don't shut me out like this."
Day 16:
"I know you're hurt, but we can work through this. I promise."
Day 17:
"Every day without you feels like an eternity. Please talk to me."
Day 18:
"I can't lose you, Sybil. You mean too much to me."
Day 19:
"I'm not giving up on us. Please give me a chance."
Day 20:
"Sybil, I love you. I need you in my life."
Day 21:
"Please, just respond. Let me know you're okay."
Day 22:
"I know I screwed up, but I want to make it right."
Day 23:
"Sybil, you're everything to me. Please, let's talk."
Day 24:
"I can't stop thinking about you. I miss you so much."
Day 25:
"Please, Sybil. Just one chance to explain."
Day 26:
"I love you, Sybil. I can't lose you."
Day 27:
"Every day without you is torture. Please talk to me."
Day 28:
"I'm sorry for everything. I never meant to hurt you."
Day 29:
"Please, Sybil. I need you in my life."
Day 30:
"Sybil, I'm begging you. Don't push me away like this.”
Reading those words, I felt a mix of anger and longing. He had lied to me, manipulated me, but part of me still wanted to believe him. I knew I had to remain tough, for myself and for my baby. But the pull of his words was strong, and I felt my resolve wavering.
Feeling the need to say something back, I put the phone down. I needed to figure out what to do next. Vince might be the father of my child, but I couldn't let him back into my life. I had to be strong.