Chapter 33 – Shay
Chapter Thirty-Three
Shay
A Month Later
Ihave a horse. I can’t believe that I am a black woman who owns a horse. I fell in love with Butters the moment I laid eyes on him. Cody says that I could even ride him one day, even if he seems a little small for that to me, Cody promises that it would work and that all I have to do is ask.
I don’t know anybody who owns a horse from my hometown. I have my son with me, totally safe and sound. He loves it here. Cody promised to give Caleb his own pony before he’s old enough to ride a horse, and he also has his own sheep until then, and Cody has him all excited about puppies on the way.
The ranch has five dogs – one of them is pregnant.
Cody has a pair of corgis – the female is pregnant.
The corgis are Biscuit, the girl corgi, and Trouble, the boy corgi.
The other three dogs are fixed. There’s a sweet Australian Shepherd named Lucy, an old sleepy black German Shepherd named Wolf and a pair of male yellow labrador retrievers named Grit and Whiskey.
Cody has a big family out here and I feel like I got plopped into a universe of peace that’s even better than the house up in Montana – at least it feels better with the house clean.
I’ll admit I had my doubts when I first walked through the door and felt the nasty stickiness of beer and mud beneath my feet.
I couldn’t believe that Cody lived like this.
It was seriously sad and I needed an entire team of men to spend five full work days getting the house in order. These men have alcohol issues, I swear. That’s the only explanation that I have for the amount of beer cans I found.
I don’t know how Cody let it get so bad, but he desperately needed a woman’s touch here.
It’s sad to see how lonely he must have been.
While I manage the housekeeping, they all get around to following my orders and I put them to work getting this place in order and chastising them when necessary if they start slacking off. They work hard, at least.
They’re a pretty wild bunch. Beau is the one closest to Cody, but the other ranch hands are all somehow connected to the Rebel Blood Barbarians Motorcycle Club. I recognize a few last names coming up over and over again – Sinclair. Shaw. Blackwood. Then my own last name – Hollingsworth.
The ranch hands took some wrangling, but they got the house clean enough for us to function and the place even looks almost pretty. Cody volunteers to take me into the city for shopping, but ever since he confessed that my ex-husband has been looking for me doesn’t make me eager to leave.
Every morning, there are so many chores to get done that Cody leaves by five in the morning.
I get into the habit of cooking breakfast for him and the ranch hands which I normally have ready right around the time I have to wake up Caleb.
They eat what I leave in the kitchen while I spend about an hour alone with my son.
I love our special time together where I can check in with Caleb and make him feel like even if we keep moving, even if I keep changing things in his external world, I want to be stable for my son.
It’s hard watching him change so much. Every month of his life is a new milestone that I’ll never hit again.
And I’m pregnant – something he doesn’t really understand yet.
Saturdays we get a real break from ranch work. Cody doesn’t wake up for chores, so I don’t get up to make him breakfast. Instead, I cuddle with my husband and for the first time since I met him, I feel like I can feel.
I feel at home here. It’s not just because of how happy this place makes Caleb.
It’s not just because of Butters. I feel like nothing bad could happen to me here.
Cody helps with that. He’s trying his best to prove to me that the violence he showed me was only to protect me.
I believe him now. I really do believe him.
Now that I’ve met not just Kylie, but the ranch hands, and some of his animals, I worry that I have misjudged him.
This place is starting to feel like home to me and Caleb likes it too.
He doesn’t have his own horse yet, just a pony.
Cody wants it to be a big deal when he does, but there are so many parts of ranch life he clearly enjoys.
He has more freedom here, and I feel like raising a young black son in this environment where he has freedom to run around, grow strong, learn from Cody, and explore himself might be a lot better than running from apartment to apartment either escaping with Caleb’s father, Renshaw, or escaping from him.
I don’t miss my ex. Once you get space from a toxic relationship like the one we had, it starts to feel like a crazy story from your past life, and not a place or a time that you want to return to.
I’ll never regret my son, but I feel a lot happier envisioning a life with him here than anywhere else I have ever lived.
The horse isn’t the only surprise. I am so distracted with tending to Butters and Caleb, that I don’t even notice Cody sneaking around until he brings the next surprise home…
Cody drives up to the house with a shiny red Chevrolet Silverado truck that looks brand new. I assume that he bought it for himself and I continue playing with Caleb and the simple dough we made at the kitchen table. Cody storms inside, rattling the keys and grinning from ear to ear.
“Mrs. Hollingsworth, your first big red truck has arrived.”
I stare at him blankly. Is there some kind of symbolism behind a big red truck that I’m unaware of? Also… Cody has never seen me behind the wheel for a reason.
“Cody, I don’t have a driver’s license,” I plead with him.
“Doesn’t matter. You have to learn and I want you safe and comfortable. Plus, I like red and I like you in red. Come on, let’s go for a ride.”
I scoop Caleb up and take him outside onto the porch so I can get a better look at the truck.
Beau emerges within seconds from the patch of alfalfa growing on the west side of the ranch house, investigating the truck and his favorite “little ranch hand”.
Beau scoops Caleb up so that I can take a ride in the truck.
Cody must be crazy because he tosses me the keys.
“Cody, I don’t have a license.”
“I own fifteen acres of land out here,” he says. “We’re going to stay on our property and take things slow. It’s just a test drive.”
My withering look does nothing to stop him from pursuing this idea.
Cody opens the driver’s seat for me and helps me to step up into the truck.
The driver’s seat is huge and the truck has leather seats in a rich camel shade.
There’s a large button that says push to start and a screen activates with directions about putting my foot on the brake to start the car.
Cody climbs into the passenger seat, grinning at me like the prospect of controlling this beast isn’t more terrifying than riding a horse.
“Take things slow,” Cody says. “You’re going to do just fine.”
He gives me a little more of an explanation and then I start the car for our impromptu driving lesson.
I’m scared at first, but it’s easier than I thought.
Cody suggests we drive onto the main road and even if I’m not ready for that yet, I drive in a few more circles around Cody’s property until he guides me back to the parking spot and I successfully park.
Beau and Caleb clap for my safe landing on the front porch.
I’m in a hurry to get out of the truck and get some fresh air, but I can’t hold back my excitement that this fancy vehicle is all mine and once I learn to drive it, I’ll get to keep it.
I run around to the passenger side of the truck and throw myself into Cody’s arms, surprising myself with this huge outpouring of emotion.
The rush of joy propels me into my husband’s arms and he accepts it with warmth, kissing me and holding me tightly.
“You did great, baby. I told you it wouldn’t be that scary.”
“Thank you so much.”
I look into Caleb’s eyes, the desire to tell him that I love him rises in me. I can’t even imagine how expensive this truck is. I wouldn’t even think to look at the price of something like a brand new truck, because owning a twenty-two year old Nissan Altima would have been a dream to me.
“I love you,” he says. “I don’t want you to be my prisoner. I just want you to be safe.”