Chapter 40 – Shay
Chapter Forty
Shay
Ispend a week deep in thought, but the more I think about my future, the more I have to accept the truth – I’m not leaving.
I can’t leave this place. I feel more at home here than I ever have in my life.
I thought watching Renshaw die in front of me would stay imprinted on the back of my mind like the first time I saw Cody Hollingsworth shoot a man in the head.
Instead, the image vanishes and I feel safer than I ever have.
One week, and I feel no guilt, just safety.
It helps that my OB appointment went well and I found out that the baby made it through all of the trauma my ex put us through. I feel like there’s a future for me and Cody, and I don’t want to leave it behind. I don’t want to rip Caleb away from another home – how would I even explain it to him?
So far, Cody and I haven’t spoken about what we’re going to tell Caleb, but obviously because of his age we can’t breathe a word of what happened.
I wonder if he’ll even remember his biological father.
He already calls Cody ‘daddy’. I wish I could ignore how that makes me feel like I have finally wrapped something warm and healing around my family.
I’ve given Caleb a father – a real father, who would never try to take me away from him, and who makes me feel safe and claimed by him in every sense of the word.
Cody is my cowboy – and I have to reckon with the fact that I love a killer, but I can do it privately, away from my son, and allow him to enjoy this beautiful home far away from all the pain in our past.
Just when I feel ready to give Cody some reassurance, he approaches my spot on the porch swing with a pitcher of sweet tea, but a worrying expression on his face like he has bad news that I’m not ready to hear. I dread the thought of what might come out of his mouth.
Is he going to leave me? Change his mind about everything? He’s had to kill twice to keep me safe. Maybe he’s had enough.
“Your recipe is better than mine,” he says. “But I gave it my best shot.”
He sets the metal pitcher down on the wooden table next to the porch swing.
It smells delicious. I think he used mint, which I’ve certainly never done, but it smells cool and refreshing.
Cody pours us both glasses and scoots next to me on the swing.
I don’t know when the switch flipped, but suddenly that horsey smell on him has become comforting rather than poopy and gross.
He’s halfway turned me into a cowgirl. Cody takes a big sip of sweet tea and clears his throat.
“I don’t want you to leave, Shay.”
“I don’t want to leave.”
We look at each other. There’s something beautiful about being in love with someone and reaching that zenith of reassurance and comfort in their presence.
What felt like it would be this massive, taut conflict between us melts away in seconds with just a few words and a soft look exchanged between the two of us.
“Then don’t,” he says.
“I wasn’t planning on it. Cody… I love you. And you’re a good father to Caleb. And we’re going to have a baby… And… I think it’s time for me to settle down and consider for the first time what I want my life to be.”
Cody takes my hand and kisses it. His lips are cool from the sweet tea and I can feel the minty tingling as my husband’s lips touch my hand.
This is all good, but Cody’s tension hasn’t vanished immediately the way that mine has.
There has to be something else on his mind, and I hate that I can’t immediately tell what it is.
“There might be problems in Montana,” he says. “I’m not the one assigned the unfortunate task of riding out there, but this may haunt our doorstep, so I took up the task.”
He looks at me earnestly, with pain behind his eyes.
“What’s wrong? You can tell me, Cody. I know I made you feel like I couldn’t handle your life, but maybe… I just needed to get used to it.”
Cody leans over and kisses my cheek. “What did I do to you, Shay?”
“Gave me a home. Loved me.”
He brushes the spot where he just kissed with his thumb.
“You’re perfect,” he whispers. “Too good for me.”
“Don’t sound like you’re saying goodbye.”
“I’m not,” he says. “Just emotional with the woman I love.”
I know that isn’t easy for him. I wait for him to spill his guts out to me. There’s something that feels so warm and strong about being the safe space for a man to share his emotions before a battle – like he really is my chivalrous knight.
“Christian intercepted a letter from Kylie to a man named Tristan Crowe. His father used to be part of the Rebel Barbarians MC, but there was a rift… a long long time ago.”
“I didn’t know motorcycle clubs had this much lore.”
Cody shrugs. “It was a bloodbath. We only had peace because we were stronger. Back when I was a kid, Doc, Harlan, and Randy Sinclair killed Tristan’s father.
He must’ve been around fourteen years old.
The whole family was excommunicated from the club, their names never to have been mentioned again.
His mother took him and they disappeared.
It was the only way they could avoid the same fate. ”
“So what? Tristan wants revenge?”
“Worse than that. Wyatt thinks he might be coming to break Tylee out of prison.”
“Who’s Tylee?”
Cody gives me a withering look. “I thought I could be one of those men who shields you from everything, Shay. Every time I have to expose you to this brutal world, I know I’m failing you.”
“I’m not soft, Cody.”
“I know that.”
“Who’s Tylee?”
“A fucking problem wrapped in a hurricane powered by a nuclear bomb – and my cousin.”
I’m at least glad that’s not the way he described a former lover, because I have enough problems without a nuclear-powered hurricane wanting my head.
“She’s currently confined. What’s the problem?”
“The problem is, we chose to deal with the issue as a family. Everybody agreed to stick Tylee in solitary confinement with limited human rights out in Montana.”
“How long will you be gone?”
I realize now how much it hurts me whenever Cody spends time away from me.
I didn’t expect myself to fall for him the way that I did, but now that I have to think of saying goodbye to him, my love for him feels so strong and overpowering – more than I meant for it to be.
I really want to be strong for Cody, but I also want to cling to him.
“I don’t know,” he says. “But I promise, I won’t leave you alone for long.”
It doesn’t take long for our bodies to press together as we hold each other and I can feel the desire from both of us without having to say anything. He doesn’t want to let go of me the same way I don’t want to let go of him.
“This is my home, Shay, and I won’t be on the road so much that my children don’t know me. I promise that.”
“I believe you.”
Cody presses his finger beneath my chin, tilting my face up to meet his. I gaze into his eyes, letting myself feel safe in the cool greyish blue. My home.
“I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you too.”
“Take your clothes off,” Cody murmurs. “Please… Let me have your sweet body one more time before I go?”
Nothing could make me say no to him right now.
I’m surprised that I don’t rip all my clothing off.
Cody kisses my bare shoulder the moment I expose it.
He helps strip my clothing off and then his hands roam all over my flesh, touching my curves and playing with my body, genuine appreciation lighting up his eyes.
“I love you,” he whispers. “I love everything about your sweet, soft body…”
Cody gets the rest of my clothing off and pushes me back onto the bed so he can dive between my legs first. Goodbye starts with his tongue.
I let him spread my thighs and push my ankles back over my head.
My husband knows exactly how to make me cum like this.
I can feel my body shaking with desire before he reaches my clit.
Then his tongue reaches my soft protruding nub.
Cody rolls his tongue in a circle around my entrance.
I want him to push his tongue into me deeper, but nothing that I do can rush his pace.
That makes my excitement so much better when it comes.
Cody waits for my moans to get louder as I get close to the edge and then his tongue flicks across my clit in exactly the way I like until I cum.
Cody brings me to another orgasm and then another. I can hardly breathe from the intensity. The weight I feel with Cody between my legs only makes me want him closer. I use my ankles to pull my husband closer to me and we kiss slowly until I feel his hardness drawing closer to my entrance.
“It hurts every time I have to say goodbye to you,” he whispers before running his tongue over my neck, spreading me open and sliding all the way inside of me. It always hurts taking Cody’s cock with one deep stroke. He’s so big and feeling him inside me hurts immensely, even if I want to feel it.
Part of me wants to beg him not to go. Instead, I dig my nails into Cody’s muscular ass cheeks and draw him all the way inside me. I need to feel him, even if it hurts.
“Fuck yes, baby,” he groans. “Fuck yes…”
Cody moves his hips and the deep, slow thrusts are intense and bring me close to another climax even if I should be too worn out and sensitive for this. He just feels so good.
“Harder…” I beg him. I never expected to be in this position, but my pussy feels so good and the sound of wet slapping hips between the two of us makes me crave more of him.
Cody wants to take me harder. He always does.
The big cock between his legs gets greater satisfaction from a hard, brutal pounding. I can take it….
I moan with each thrust as Cody pushes me to an intense climax.
I grab hold of him as I crest over the edge.
I scream as I cum and Cody kisses my neck, pushing his hips inside me with three more deep thrusts before reaching his own release.
I feel his cock throbbing as huge ropes of cum erupt from Cody’s dick.
We hold each other close as we come down from the high of making love. Everything between us is wet and warm.
“I don’t want to let go,” Cody whispers.
“Just make sure you get home soon, cowboy,” I whisper back.
“I will, Shay,” he murmurs, sliding out of me slowly so that he can hold me in his arms. “I’ll always make my way home to you…”
It feels good to hear it and I settle into my husband’s arms, happy that I finally found a home.