CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
T HE DANCING PHASE lasted about forty minutes. She didn’t want to dance with anyone but him. Didn’t want to dance without him at all. Her feet hurt, her heart bled, her eyes watered. Infuriated, she went home and threw herself into work. That phase lasted about five minutes.
She didn’t want to work like this any more. And, she accepted, she didn’t have to.
She didn’t get out of bed the next day. She slept. She thought. And yes, she cried. In her weakest moments she looked online. Zane’s tally on that stupid website hadn’t increased. It had stopped at two and there were no more pictures of him dining or dancing with another woman last night. But it was only a matter of time though, right?
Because it was over between them. He wasn’t going to wake up and realise he was in love with her...the way she was in love with him.
Yeah, she could admit that now—to herself at least. And she’d sort of told him last night, in a tragically weird way, trying to convince him he needed someone in his life.
Of course she’d meant herself. And of course he’d stood like a stone.
But while he didn’t feel the same, she couldn’t believe what they’d shared was nothing . They had a real connection—more than their shared past, more than the undeniable sexual chemistry. He just didn’t want it to last. And fine. But that didn’t stop her holding her breath, hoping and wishing. Checking her phone. But no matter how long she stared at it, he didn’t message her.
She couldn’t—and wouldn’t—wait for ever. She had to move forward too. But it would be in a different way to him. She’d worked so hard and been so loyal to everyone else but herself for too long. She’d not blossomed in all these years—she’d been blinkered.
She needed time away to figure out and focus on the things she could attain— other than Zane himself. And there was much—the travel she’d not done. She needed to explore all the other beaches, see all the other amazing buildings in the world. And she could—because she had money saved. All that money to buy her father a better house and she hadn’t been able to because he’d passed too soon. All the money sitting there because she’d not spoiled herself. Not gone anywhere.
Then there were the job opportunities she’d not explored—heck, maybe she’d go for a whole career change. She owed it to herself to reach for the life she wanted. The one she’d not taken true hold of... She could get excited about that. She could make something more for herself. And she would be okay.
She picked up her phone and adjusted some settings so there’d be no point in looking forlornly at it any more.
And on Monday morning it was time to move.
It was appallingly easy for them to accept her resignation. For her to gather the few personal things she had in her desk. She didn’t even need a box. Then she got on the bus heading east, the route familiar and slow. She’d do her farewell tour.
And then she’d be free.
Zane waited at reception, his back turned to that portrait of Reed Helberg. Cleared his throat. Checked his watch. Adjusted his collar. Ignored the dagger looks the receptionist shot him every other interminable second. It was Bernie who finally appeared. Zane saw his face and was hit by a bad really feeling.
‘Where is she?’ Zane asked as soon as Bernie was within earshot.
She’d blocked his number. When he’d tried calling her from an alternate phone she still hadn’t picked up. He’d gone to her apartment and she wasn’t home. Not during the day. Not late at night. She wasn’t around.
‘She’s finished up. Gone away.’
‘Gone where ?’
Surely not. It was only Tuesday. She wouldn’t walk out on her job without giving due notice. That wasn’t Skylar’s way. But maybe she’d really wanted to get away.
While that was terrifying, it also fuelled him. Because it meant she was upset. And not all about her job.
The old guy looked at him with total disappointment in his eyes. ‘I think she leaves the country in a couple of days.’
Zane had to take a moment. ‘So where is she now? You really don’t know?’
‘No. I’m sorry.’
Zane believed him. Because while she considered these guys family, she didn’t open up to them. It was like she was still shut away in her room upstairs, looking out the window at the world. Still lonely.
He spent an hour wondering where the one place she’d go before leaving the country for a while might be. And then it was obvious.
He drove himself—tearing back down the very road he’d driven only the day before. Back to Belhaven Bay. He drove past the site where their old building complex had been. He went to the beach. He went to the cafe. It was only when he happened to drive past the cemetery on his way to their old school that he slammed on the brakes. He’d almost missed her sitting on that park bench in the middle of the memorial gardens.
He took in a couple of steadying breaths before getting out of the car. He had to be so careful. She wanted to travel and he refused to stand in the way of her doing something she really wanted for herself. But he didn’t want her to leave without being honest with her. He owed her that. He owed himself too. So he would control himself here. But at least she would know she was loved. That she meant so very much to him.
And he would accept whatever happened.
She glanced up when he approached. Paled. Her hair was in a messy ponytail and her eyes red-rimmed.
‘You’ve left Helberg,’ he said.
‘I have a lot of holidays owed so I was able to leave with immediate effect,’ she said. ‘I’m going to travel. Sit on some other beaches. Run at some other parks. Figure out what I really want in my future.’
He nodded. ‘That sounds great.’
She stood but didn’t move closer, just hesitated with her arms wrapped around her waist. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I...uh... I wanted to tell you...’ His throat was scratchy and he swallowed, finding it almost impossible to speak.
But she waited silently. He appreciated her patience. And he would make this effort. Always.
He cleared his throat. ‘I was here over the weekend. Came late on Saturday night...’ He’d run away and drowned his sorrows. It hadn’t worked. ‘That’s not what I came here to tell you though.’
‘No?’
‘You’re a loyal person, Skylar. You put other people first all the time. Their needs. You should dare to be free, Skylar. Dare to do whatever you want.’
She lost a little colour. ‘You want me to be happy.’
‘Yes.’
‘You want me to do what I want.’
‘Yes. Exactly.’ His heart pounded. ‘I want the best for you.’
She stared at him. ‘Why?’
He was actually trembling inside. This beautiful woman who he’d wanted for so long, the woman he’d finally truly got to know. The woman he’d completely fallen for. Was standing in front of him and about to leave.
‘You were right,’ he coughed. ‘I don’t just hide hurt, Skylar. I hide all my feelings. And that’s not fair of me.’
‘Okay.’
He twisted up inside. ‘That’s just it. I’m not okay.’
Skylar could hold herself together for only so long. She didn’t want to interrupt him—didn’t want him to ever stop talking in that gentle way—but at the same time she couldn’t stand to see him. He was heartbreakingly gorgeous.
‘I’m not okay,’ he whispered again. ‘Not without you.’
The echo of her pulse in her eardrums was deafening. She willed him to say more. Or to move—to step forward and pull her into his arms. She would take that. She would take anything.
But he suddenly covered his face with his hands. ‘I’m so scared of having you and losing you. I want you so much. In my life. Always. But I don’t want to—’ He broke off and looked skywards and swore. ‘I’m screwing this up, Skylar.’
‘Why are you here?’
He drew in a harsh breath. ‘I don’t want to confuse you. I don’t want to stand in your way. I don’t want to hold you back from anything, ever. I don’t want to say this and have it have any sway over your decisions because that’s what you do for the people in your life... But also, I think I have to say this, Skylar.’
So many things he didn’t want if he... ‘Say what?’
His hands dropped. ‘I love you.’
‘What?’ She stared at him, not wanting to move or breathe. She just wanted a replay of what he’d just said. Had he said—
‘I ended our agreement after Bermuda because I was uncomfortable. I know we strike sparks when we get within ten feet of each other, but I need you to know that this became so much more than that for me. More than some fun game. More than unfinished business from a lifetime ago.’
‘How much more?’
‘Everything more.’ He remained frozen, so far away. ‘That’s what I meant by “I love you.” Like completely, utterly, totally, I am in love with you.’
She had to put her hand on the back of the park bench for balance. ‘You what?’
‘It’s you, it’s always been you.’
‘But—’
‘I know there’ve been other women.’ He looked awkward. ‘And I know it sounds bad, but none of them meant anything much.’
She understood, actually. ‘You didn’t let them get near enough to matter.’
Because this brilliant, strong, kind man didn’t think he was worthy of someone—his father had left him, his mother had struggled to cope with him alone, he’d been rejected by the most powerful man in town, and he’d been crushed—literally. So he’d suppressed so much. His pain. His needs. He’d rebuilt himself—but there was still that little bit broken inside.
‘You matter,’ he said softly. ‘Always have. I watched you...you came back from that school and you were different.’
A smile escaped. ‘You mean I’d been through puberty?’
He chuckled softly. ‘Not just that, you were so...serene and focused and I wanted to talk to you. I should have talked to you. But I got near and...’ He lifted his shoulders.
They were on that runaway train together.
‘And you don’t think you’re the best thing ever to walk back into my life?’
His pale blue eyes widened.
He’d been a handful of a boy. He was a handful of a man. And she loved him for it. Because he was gold—through and through.
‘I mean it,’ she said. ‘I know I’m a pleaser. I want people to like me—to need me—that’s true. But I could be me around you. Free. Maybe at the start I thought it didn’t matter because it was only a game, but now it matters more than anything. You matter more than anything,’ she whispered. ‘And I’m so, so sorry.’
‘Why?’ He paled. ‘For what? What are—’
‘I should have said something that day Dad caught us. I just stood there and let him berate you, let him chase you off, let him think you were pushy when I should have spoken up and stopped him.’
‘Oh.’ He released a massive sigh. ‘No.’ He shook his head gently. ‘We both did what we had to, to be safe. In here.’ He pressed his hand to his chest. ‘I don’t blame you for that.’
‘But I hurt you.’ She realised it now.
So had her dad. He’d made him feel unworthy. It had been another blow in that pile-on he’d felt.
His shoulders lifted. ‘You were hurt too. And, sweetheart, we were kids.’ He smiled sadly. ‘Far too young to be able to handle something this big.’
Skylar trembled. This was that big for him too? Overwhelming and all-encompassing and wonderful...and terrifying. But now he was here. He’d come after her.
‘You came to see him?’ Zane gestured towards her father’s grave.
‘To tell him I’ve left Helberg.’ She nodded and gazed at her father’s small headstone. ‘You know he never dated anyone or anything after my mother left. He was so self-contained and he encouraged me to be the same—that just the two of us was all we needed. I guess he thought it was safe.’ She looked back up at Zane and saw the intensity in his eyes.
‘He didn’t think I was good enough for you,’ he muttered.
‘In his view, no one would have been good enough for me,’ she said. ‘But it wasn’t his choice.’
She drank in Zane’s stance—he was so focused on her. He listened. He cared. He loved her. And she needed to make him understand that she loved him right back. So much.
Emboldened, she stepped closer to him. ‘This is my life and my choice. And I don’t want to be alone.’
Zane’s eyes flashed.
‘I want a relationship, not a fling.’ Her voice both rose and shook. ‘I want one love for a lifetime. I want a home. And I want a family. Children. And a dog. Two, actually.’
‘What else?’ he muttered huskily.
‘I want to travel and see all the things I’ve not seen yet.’ She blinked but through the tears she saw he’d stepped closer still.
‘Sounds amazing. Is there more? What else do you want?’
Blinking again, she saw the vitality just bursting from him—his expression both light and hard and so very focused. Her courage overflowed, because his feelings were undeniable and so very obvious.
‘You,’ she said simply. ‘With me. I want us to do it all together.’
‘I would love to. I would love to do all that with you, Skylar.’ He opened his arms and she just toppled into them.
‘All that. All that and so much more.’ He caught and held her tightly. ‘But I don’t want to stop you discovering everything else you want. I don’t want to cramp your style—’
‘You could never . You’re the one who encourages me into some really creative things.’ Her teary laugh was muffled against his chest. ‘I want you with me.’
‘Okay then.’
She felt his deep sigh.
‘Always,’ he whispered.
Yeah . That’s what she wanted.
Drawing back but still holding Zane’s hand tightly, she turned to face her father’s grave. ‘I love you, Daddy,’ she whispered. ‘And I know you loved me and I know you wanted to keep me safe. But I know you were hurt and you worried a little too much and held me a little too tight.’ She told him what she’d been too young and too scared to say so long ago. ‘But Zane’s a good man. I love him and he loves me and we’re going to be okay.’ She drew in a shaky breath. ‘We’re going to have it all.’
Zane didn’t let go of her hand the entire car ride—releasing her only to get out of the car and round to her door. Then he wrapped his arm around her waist and led her into the house, up the stairs, straight to his bedroom.
‘I love you,’ he said before she could breathe. ‘I love you.’
He kissed her and told her over and over. She had no idea how they got naked, how they got into the bed. All she knew was that they were together—naked and entwined, and he was loving her with his words and his body and his spirit. And he was hers—really and truly hers.
Hours later, she stood wrapped in the top sheet, looking out at the stunning view of the garden and the beach beyond. ‘I love it here,’ she breathed.
He wound his arm around her from behind. ‘Plenty of room for our kids and the dogs to roam free, don’t you think? We can watch them playing from the balcony up here.’
She nodded, leaning back against him. ‘That would make this great view unbeatable.’
‘Yeah.’
And that was exactly what it did.