Chapter 13
13
PORTIA
T he kiss shocked me into stillness. I couldn’t believe it was happening—this intense, burning attraction I felt for Dean had been slowly building over the past week, and now he was leaning in and pressing his lips against mine. It was everything I had ever imagined and so much more. There was a rough edge to the way he attacked my mouth that made me shiver with anticipation.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss as much as I dared in our secluded spot by the lake. I could feel his hands gripping my waist tightly, pulling me closer to him. For a moment, I lost myself in him, letting go of all my fears and insecurities. Dean had a way of making me forget everything, including my own name.
It was like the world had flipped upside down. His hands were in my hair, gently pulling my head back. Our makeshift seats became an issue. One he was happy to solve. With the weight of his body pushing against mine, he cradled me in his arms and gently lowered me to the ground. I didn’t care that I was lying on sticks, grass, and rocks. There might even be a marshmallow bag under me.
I didn’t care. All that mattered was the taste of him. The whiskey and beer mingled on my tongue as his pushed into my mouth. He pulled away, his mouth moving to my jaw, nipping and kissing before he moved down to my neck.
The stars above us blurred. I closed my eyes, my skin on fire with need. I’d never been kissed like this before—like I was the only thing that mattered, like he was trying to memorize the taste of me.
His teeth grazed the sensitive flesh on my neck. I gasped, my fingers digging into his shoulders. Dean pulled back slightly, lifting his head to look into my eyes. The glow from the fire illuminated his face, highlighting his square jaw. Heat pooled low in my belly. I felt a desperate ache between my legs. He planted soft, gentle kisses along my jawline before trailing them down to my neck once more.
“Portia,” he murmured, his voice rough with desire. “You make me crazy.”
“The feeling is mutual.”
My heart hammered against my ribs as his lips moved down to my collarbone. He nipped gently, sending shivers down my spine. I groaned, arching into him as he continued assaulting my senses. I slipped one hand under his shirt, running my hand over the hard muscles of his back. He groaned at my touch, pressing his hips harder against me. His hand pushed up my hoodie, moving up to cup my breast through my bra.
“Dean,” I moaned, pushing my breast against his hand.
I was on fire. I needed more. My body craved his. I didn’t want him to be gentle. I wanted him to take me for a ride on the wild side. I had always been drawn to Dean’s gruff, bad-boy exterior, but little did I know that he was hiding a passionate side beneath it.
His hand massaged my breast, pinching my nipple and then squeezing again. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine once again. This time, it wasn’t gentle; it was raw and demanding. A shiver ran down my spine as he gently bit down on my lower lip
His hand slid up my stomach, pushing my hoodie up until he was pulling it over my head. The warmth from the fire brushed over my skin. His mouth immediately went to my breast, sucking on my nipple hard as he pulled it into his mouth. I moaned loudly, arching my back to push my breast further into his mouth. The roughness of his tongue and teeth sent shockwaves of pleasure coursing through me.
With one hand still on my breast, Dean reached down to slide his hand under the waistband of my leggings. He moved so fast that I could barely keep up with him. He was a man on a mission.
“Fuck,” he growled, burying his head in the crook of my neck as he fought for breath.
I felt him rubbing against me, his erection hard against his jeans. He sucked the flesh at the base of my neck and shoulder into his mouth. I knew immediately it was going to leave a mark, and I didn’t care. I groaned, digging my nails into his shoulders as I rocked my hips forward, trying to get closer to him.
“Dean,” I whispered. “Please.”
I reached down and grabbed his shirt. I jerked and tugged with no grace at all. My hands were shaking. I managed to get it halfway up his body before he reached behind him and pulled it off in one move. I gasped at the sight of all the hard muscles and beautiful skin. There were a few tattoos, but I couldn’t see the details in the soft light from the fire.
He lifted his head to look at me, our eyes locking once again in the firelight. I could see the desire in his eyes. He looked predatory. His mouth moved toward my breasts, which he hungrily claimed with his lips. As he pulled at my bra straps, I could feel the fire between us growing stronger. The roughness of his skin against mine sent shivers of hot desire over my body.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself closer to him as he slipped a hand over my stomach and into my underwear. His finger teased at my clit as he kissed his way up to my ear, growling softly against it. My body shuddered uncontrollably at his touch, every nerve ending alive with longing. His teeth nipped at the tender flesh of my earlobes, causing a rush of pleasure to flood through me.
“Dean,” I breathed.
He answered with a growl next to my ear. His hand slipped out of my pants and back up my body.
“If the papers caught wind of this, they’d sell more copies than they ever had in town history.”
He surprised me by laughing, a low, rumbling sound that had goosebumps covering my body from ears to toes. He pulled back just enough to look at me, his eyes dark and intense. “Then it’ll be our little secret,” he said, his voice rough.
I laughed, but it was quickly swallowed by him. His hands slid down my sides, leaving trails of fire in their wake. I felt like I was going to explode. Dean was in control, taking his time in a way that was maddening in the most delicious way. I lost myself in the kiss, in the way his body moved against mine, in the way he made me feel like I was the only person in the world.
But then, just as things were escalating, just as I thought we might cross that line, he stopped. His hands stilled, and he pulled back, his breathing ragged. For a moment, he just looked at me, his expression blank. Gone was the passion and fire.
“Dean?” I whispered.
He shook his head, sitting back on his heels. “I don’t do this,” he said, his voice low. “Hook up. Catch feelings. Date. Whatever this is.”
I blinked, trying to sort through my muddled thoughts. My brain was mush thanks to him. “You seemed to be doing just fine.”
He ran a hand through his hair. He stood and pulled on his shirt. “I don’t trust women, Portia. And right now… I’m not sure I trust myself. I can’t do this with you.”
I sat up, crossing my arms over my chest. I felt extremely exposed. I reached for my hoodie and didn’t bother shaking it out. I quickly pulled it on and got to my feet as well. I was humiliated.
“I understand,” I said quietly, my voice steady despite the burning humiliation.
Dean stood there not looking at me. He was giving all of his attention to the fire.
“I should go,” I said.
I picked up the marshmallows and graham crackers. I had no idea where the chocolate went, and I didn’t care. I just wanted to get out of there.
“Your whiskey,” he said and picked up the bottle.
“Consider it a gift,” I said. “Goodnight.”
I didn’t look back as I rushed away from Dean’s place, my heart pounding in my ears and my cheeks burning with humiliation. The cool night air did nothing to put out the fire raging inside me. The fire he started and then walked away from. I nearly tripped in my haste, but I didn’t care. All I knew was that I needed to get away, to put as much distance between myself and Dean Jackson as possible.
The path back to the rental was dark, illuminated only by the faint glow of the moon. Every sound felt amplified—the rustle of leaves in the breeze, the distant hoot of an owl and the occasional splash in the lake. I clutched the graham crackers and marshmallows tightly in my hands, their edges digging into my palms as if they could ground me somehow. I felt so stupid. I took marshmallows and whiskey to his fire. What the hell did I think was going to happen? What did I want to happen?
When I finally reached the rental house, I threw open the door. The moment I was inside, I slammed it shut and turned the lock with a decisive click. I leaned against the door for a moment, closing my eyes and trying to steady my breathing. But it was no use. My heart was still racing. I couldn’t decide which emotion to give the lead. Embarrassment? Frustration? Anger?
I tossed the marshmallows and graham crackers onto the kitchen counter and headed straight for the bathroom. I turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on my face, hoping it would somehow wash away the heat still lingering on my skin. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, my cheeks flushed and my hair disheveled. I looked exactly how I felt—a mess.
“What were you thinking, Portia?” I muttered to myself, gripping the edge of the sink to anchor me. “You knew better.”
But the truth was, I hadn’t known. Or maybe I hadn’t wanted to know. If there had been a part of me that sensed this would happen, I’d ignored it—because Dean had a way of making me forget everything else when he looked at me the way he had tonight. And now here I was, left feeling foolish and exposed, while he was probably already back to brooding by his fire like nothing had happened.
I noticed leaves and dirt clinging to my hoodie. I quickly pulled it off and that was when I saw the hickey on my neck.
I froze, staring at the mark in the mirror. My fingers brushed against it lightly. Instead of anger, I felt heat pool low in my belly all over again. I knew it was going to leave a mark. Now, I was going to see it and think of him for the next couple days.
“Great,” I muttered under my breath, pulling my hair over my shoulder to cover it. Like that would make it disappear.
I stripped off the rest of my clothes and stepped into the shower, letting the water run hot enough to scald the lingering sensation of his hands off my skin. But it didn’t work. His touch seemed seared into me, a phantom imprint I couldn’t shake.
I got out of the shower, put on my pajamas, and fell into bed. I was going to do all I could to avoid him. I didn’t have the courage to look him in the eyes.