Chapter 15
Whoever said they hate Mondays is wrong.
Well at least this particular Monday. At work, I get a couple of calls for Xander while I work on the seating arrangements for the gala this week.
I can't believe the time is moving quickly until I get a knock at my door from Xander.
He asks me out to lunch which I agree because we'll both of us will be busy after work.
He tells me that he has to go to his parent's house for some odd reason.
I wish I could go to ease his tension but I've already put off my doctor's appointment for too long.
Our lunch is an hour long and we enjoy it at the nearby restaurant.
We continue talking about the plans for Christmas and after the New Year.
I tell him I don't have many plans for New Years Day other than cleaning the hall.
Xander suggests staying over at his place after the gala which I agree to because I want to spend the New Year with him.
When he mentions Christmas at his sisters, I'll admit I'm a little nervous about meeting her but I realized that he is much closer to his sister than he is with his parents.
When we finish our lunch Xander kisses me before I reach the office and he promises to see me the next day.
The rest of my workday goes on and I realize I'll have to start packing my things for Xander's soon after my doctor's appointment.
Which reminds me I still need to get him a gift.
I know I shouldn't have to but I feel like it's only right if I give him something in return for his kindness.
I text Trina back and forth on what to get this man who has everything.
I eventually find what I'm looking for to give to Xander I just have to stop by the store to grab what I need.
Lucky for me I remember what he likes. When it's time for me to go I text Xander "see you tomorrow" as I make a quick stop to the store and head off to my doctor's appointment.
The drive to my gynecologist isn't that far from the store and luckily the parking lot isn't that much full.
When I get inside I sign in and sit in the waiting room with a few other women.
I notice one of them is clearly pregnant and she is reading a magazine about women expecting.
Figures. I make myself busy going through my phone answering text messages until I'm called into the doctor's office.
They tell me that I have to provide a urine sample for the standard birth control procedure.
I do so and wait a couple of more minutes in the waiting area.
It seems more minutes tick by until I see my doctor.
I'm thankful I have a female gynecologist because it makes things less awkward when someone is checking up on me.
"Ms. Fuller I'm glad you came in when you did."
My doctor says while holding onto her clipboard.
Her name is Meredith Blanchard and like every doctor, she's wearing a lab coat and a pantsuit.
She's too pretty to be a doctor. She has straight blonde hair, blue eyes, and her face looks more youthful than most so she must be younger than anybody working here.
"Yes, so does everything seem to be cleared?" I ask wanting to know. I really want to go home already because it means I can start packing and get an early rest before I head to Xander's tomorrow.
"Actually there is something that came up while I was looking through your results from the sample you gave earlier." She says. By now I'm nervous to ask what she found.
"What is it?" I ask slowly. I hope it's nothing to worry about.
"Ms. Fuller according to these results, your tests show that you are tested positive." She says while looking at her clipboard.
"What do you mean tested positive?" I ask in confusion. It can't be what I think it is.
"You're pregnant." She says and my heart stops at her answer. This can't happen to me! I can't be pregnant!
"That must be a mistake I can't be," I say. There's no way this could happen to me!
"You missed two appointments that show on your file. We can do a blood sample for further testing but you are in fact pregnant. I'll schedule an appointment to see how far along you are but in the meantime, I suggest you tell your partner and go over your options..."
She says but all I can hear are the words You're pregnant over and over again.
All I do is nod acting as if I've heard everything she is saying.
After my appointment, I get into my car and stare outside trying to take in what the doctor has said.
How could it be possible? I thought we were careful.
My mind drifts to that night and I remember vaguely that we didn't use protection and that I might have thought I was on birth control at the time even though I skipped two appointments.
How could I be so stupid? What am I going to do?
After starring off into space I somehow get enough strength to leave the parking lot and drive home.
In a daze, I get back home and hope Trina hasn't left so I can talk to her.
She is the only person I can ever talk to about anything.
I don't really know what to do because I'm still coming to terms that I'm carrying Xander's child.
God. I wish this weren't true and that my fate wasn't supposed to be written this way.
When I get to the apartment I continue to hold back the tears that I feel are building up until I get home. When I walk in I see Trina by the couch.
"Hey, I thought I wasn't going to see you until after the New Year. Whoa! What happened?" Trina turns to study me more. I must look awful to her because inside I feel like a mess.
"I..." I don't know where to begin and my eyes betray me when I start to feel the tears fall on my face.
"Come sit down." She says patting the seat next to her on the couch. "let me get some tea ready." She gets up off the couch. I try to control myself from shaking and crying.
What feels like an hour or so later I continue sipping the tea Trina made and finally get myself somewhat settled down. Trina sits on the couch and sets her mug on the table.
"Are you ready to talk?" She asks and I nod.
I take a deep breath and begin to talk, "I was at the doctor's office hours ago and she told me something that I never thought I would hear." I explain.
"What did they say?" Trina asks looking up at me.
"I found out...that...I-I'm pregnant." I manage to say.
"What?" She asks in disbelief.
"I-I know I thought I was being careful and that it was impossible for me to be pregnant but I guess when you miss your appointments it happens," I say.
"Wow! Have you told Xander?" She asks slowly. I know Trina knows I had sex with Xander and that I'm birth control. Or I was on birth control.
"I haven't told him. I don't think I should tell him." I say thinking aloud. I really don't want to tell him.
"What do you mean? He has a right to know that he is the father. I'm not saying this to be rude or anything but have you considered that?" Trina's right that I should tell him but I can't.
"I don't know what to do but one thing is for sure that I shouldn't tell him because bringing a baby into his life will complicate the situation he has with his marriage."
I know first hand that being with him is also troubling his marriage if Olivia found out about me.
If she knew that we're involved and I have a baby growing inside me then this could cause some serious trouble for all of us.
Not only that but I could ruin the reputation that Xander's parents have built from the beginning.
"Have you gone over your options? Like adoption or...?" Trina trails off and knowing what she'll say next is something I don't know if I have the heart to say.
"No, I haven't really thought about it," I say truthfully. I've been too wrapped up after I found out that I'm pregnant.
"Well it looks like you have some time to think but whatever you decide I'll be there for you. I just hate that I'm leaving you while you're going through this." She says while placing a comforting pat on my back.
"I should and thank you, Trina, for listening," I say forcing a small smile.
"You know I'm always here for you. Why don't you get some rest? My plane leaves at 10 tomorrow so I'll be leaving the apartment early to catch it." She says.
"Okay," I say setting down my mug. As we both get up from the couch at the same time, Trina turns towards me to give me a hug. She tells me everything will be okay and all I can do is accept her calming words.
That night I lay on my bed restless from the decision that is pending in my mind right now.
When I finally fall asleep it's only for a couple of hours until I have to get up to use the bathroom.
I decide to just get up entirely despite it being 7 in the morning.
I make my way to the kitchen to grab some water but then I decide to grab some food because I'm hungry.
As I'm sitting down at the counter eating my oatmeal and fruit I see Trina move her luggage to the living room. When she turns around she notices that I'm sitting down at the counter by the kitchen.
"Oh hey. I didn't see you there." She says as she makes her way to sit next to me.
"Yeah, I got up because I was hungry," I say twirling my food around.
"Well, I'm glad you're up. I didn't want to wake you and say goodbye." She says.
"Yeah, no worries. Also, I think I've made my mind up." I say. I spent most of the night going back and forth with my decision.
"What are you going to do?" Trina asks while looking up at me.
"I...I want to keep it." I stutter. I know it's a big decision to keep a baby but I couldn't find the heart to get an abortion.
If I went through with the abortion I'd feel guilty because I'd feel like I killed Xander's second child.
If I did go through adoption I'd still feel awful knowing that some stranger has Xander's child and I couldn't live with that.
In the end, I want to keep this child knowing that it's biologically mine and I know it's going to be hard financially but I should be fine for the first year at least.
"What are you going to tell Xander?" She asks and I know this was going to be the hardest part but I figured it was the only way I could keep this a secret.
"I won't tell him anything about leaving the company. I'm going to put in my notice at work because I'll be showing soon and I can't let others see me." I say.
"So you're going to quit your job but what about Xander? He'll clearly see that you're pregnant when you start showing." Confusion spreads on Trina's face.
"I'm planning to leave him when my 30 days are up and I'll try to find a job within that time frame. I just can't tell him and I know I sound stupid for doing this but I feel it's the best thing we need for both of us."
Part of me wants him to know but I'm reminded of his marriage to Olivia and who he is.
I know how risky it is if anyone found out about us.
I could imagine every media outlet would have a field day if they knew about Xander's assistant and him being involved with each other as well as having a baby to top it off.
I can't do that to him. I can't ruin what he has.
"No! Your motive is clear and like I said I'll support you no matter what." She promises and I hug her because she understands me despite not needing an explanation for my decisions. She will forever be the closest thing I have to a sister because of the way she doesn't judge me for what I do.
"Thank you!" I say when I pull away from our hug.
"No problem! I hate leaving you but I got a plane to catch so just give me updates until I get back." She says while looking at her watch.
"Of course! I'll see you soon!" I say back.
When we finally finish saying our goodbyes and promising to text each other every day, Trina eventually leaves the apartment with her suitcase and carry on.
I head back to my room and pack my things for Xander's later in order to keep myself occupied.
When I'm done packing I notice it's still pretty early and I decide to take a nap to make up for my lack of sleep.
I know I should start distancing myself from Xander as much as possible but it's the holidays and I'll start after the New Year begins.
I hate keeping secrets but I have to remind myself that I have made the right decision. At least I think I did.