Chapter 4
Sierra
“Did you get the money I sent?” I asked my mom later that evening as we chatted on the phone.
“I did,” she said in a rueful voice. “Honey, are you sure you have that much extra money?”
It really hadn’t been a lot of money, but I’d sent her everything I possibly could.
“Things are getting better, Mom,” I said in an upbeat voice. “I’m making money and I have more than enough. Use it for expenses. You need to get your car fixed.”
My mother needed so many things.
A better vehicle.
New clothes.
A new roof and other pressing repairs on her old home.
So many things I couldn’t provide for her right now, but I was working on it.
She’d worked as many cleaning jobs as possible to raise me on her own, and she’d made so many sacrifices for me.
My father had never wanted anything to do with a kid he didn’t want, but I’d never missed having a dad in my life.
Mom had always been my everything.
She couldn’t work anymore.
She’d been forced to retire when her body had given out from so many years of physical labor.
At the age of thirty-seven, I should be in a better position to take care of her, but I wasn’t.
I hated myself for that.
I’d screwed up my life so badly that I wasn’t where I needed to be at my age.
“Are you feeling lonely in Montana?” Mom asked hesitantly.
“I miss you,” I admitted.
My mother lived in Hollister, Texas, a small town not far from Houston.
Once upon a time, I’d had some good friends in Hollister, but I’d screwed that up, too.
Other than my mother, there wasn’t really anyone to miss.
“But I have Lucky,” I added.
My cat lifted her head from the small bed I’d placed in the tiny living room of my apartment.
My girl had been my best friend for as long as I could remember, and I couldn’t imagine what my life would have been like without the unconditional love she’d always given me.
“You know I adore Lucky,” my mother said with a sigh. “But I almost wish you had an overly protective dog since you’re there alone.”
I laughed. “I don’t need one. This is Montana, not Houston.”
Mom snorted. “You’re still a beautiful woman on your own in a state without friends or family.” In a softer voice, she asked, “Is your soul healing, honey?”
Was my soul healing?
I honestly wasn’t sure.
“I’ve been pretty busy,” I explained. “I’m working a lot. I get out of Billings nearly every day, but I haven’t had much of a chance to really see Montana. It is really beautiful here, though.”
I had to admit that I enjoyed the peace and the solitude of Asher’s ranch, but I spent most of my time there inside.
I’d come to Montana to start over. To find peace. To get my career together.
Getting my career together again was going to take time, which was why I’d been so grateful to get my job with Asher.
I was slowly trying to rebuild all that I’d lost, but it wasn’t going to happen overnight.
In the meantime, I was trying to send as much money to my mother as possible and live off as little as I could.
“I worry about you, Sierra,” my mother said earnestly. “You’re probably working way too much and enjoying almost nothing there. I’ll survive without you sending money. I’d rather you find your happiness. It’s time.”
I shook my head.
Happiness wasn’t something I thought about much anymore.
I just wanted to feel safe and content.
Secure.
All things that didn’t seem possible to me right now.
I was simply living my life day-to-day, grateful for the peace I could find on Asher’s ranch.
My life was a mess and happiness wasn’t in the cards for me anymore, but I’d be okay with that if I could take care of my mother’s needs and enjoy the small pleasures that life could give.
I’d gotten so many of those small pleasures earlier in the day at the wedding.
Eating.
Chatting with the people of Crystal Fork.
Meeting Lauren, a woman who could easily become a friend someday.
Spending time with Asher.
Most people probably wouldn’t find peace in Asher’s company, but I did.
He might be cranky and blunt, but I actually liked that about him.
Asher Remington was…real.
There wasn’t a single fake thing about him.
He was flawed, but I liked that, too, because I was equally flawed, and I didn’t have to worry about being someone I wasn’t when I was around him.
My physical attraction to him was annoying, and I was trying to deal with that, but it wasn’t like anything could ever happen with Asher in the future.
He was a nice fantasy, but he was Asher Remington.
And I was…me.
I’d learned to be extremely realistic because I had to be.
“I’ll find happiness when I get the rest of my life together,” I said evasively.
I was really hoping that I could provide for more than my mom’s needs someday.
Martha Ellis had lived on very little most of her life.
At the age of seventy, it was time for her to get some of her wants met, too.
“Go easy on yourself,” Mom said. “You’ve been through so much. I hate the thought of you pushing yourself too hard.”
“I’m fine, Mom,” I said lightly. “Why don’t you catch me up on all of the things that are happening in Hollister.”
My mother had lived in Hollister her entire life, and her life revolved around the people there.
One of the reasons I hadn’t hesitated to leave was because she had so many friends there in our hometown. Most of them were tight on money, but they loved my mom like she was family, and she cared about them the same way.
I listened as she told me all about the townspeople of Hollister.
I’d lived almost all of my adult life outside of my hometown, but I still loved to hear about the people I’d known in my childhood.
“There’s not much else happening,” she said when she’d finally caught me up on who was getting married and who was expecting new grandbabies. “The weddings are over until next spring.”
I bit my lip to stop myself from telling her that I’d been to an absolutely beautiful wedding earlier in the day.
I hadn’t told her about Asher or my housekeeping job with him.
My mother would be upset that I wasn’t completely focusing on my career and trying to heal my soul.
She wouldn’t be happy that I was working as a housekeeper to send her money when I should, in her mind, be focused on other things.
Mom also didn’t realize exactly how bad my previous career had been demolished, and it wasn’t something I wanted her to know.
She thought I still made enough income to survive, and I didn’t.
Not yet.
I didn’t like hiding anything from my mother, but she’d already been through so much with me.
The last thing she needed was more worries about her only child.
I swallowed hard when it was time for us to say our goodbyes.
“I love you, Sierra. If you’re not happy there, come home,” Mom insisted.
God, I loved her, too. I probably wouldn’t be sane if it wasn’t for her and all of the love she’d given me as a child and during my more recent nightmare.
She was the one person who had always been there for me, no matter how bleak the circumstances. That was one of the reasons I’d moved to Montana. I didn’t want her to see me struggle anymore. She’d already been through hell with me. I needed time to figure things out.
Tears filled my eyes. “I love you, too, Mom. Thanks for always being there for me.”
“I’m your mother,” she said nonchalantly. “It’s my job to be there for you, even after you’re all grown up.”
I ended the call because I knew I had to. I had a ton of work to do before I could even think about sleeping.
I put my phone on the kitchen counter and walked to my little makeshift workspace in the living room.
Before I could sit in the chair, Lucky hopped into it, looked up at me with her soulful green eyes, and meowed.
I stroked my hand over her beautiful black coat. “Time to eat?” I asked, knowing it was a silly question.
It was actually past her usual dinnertime.
Lucky followed me to the kitchen and waited impatiently as I pulled out her bowl.
I reached into the cupboard and pulled out a can of tuna.
She didn’t get the treat very often because it wouldn’t be good for her, but I’d eaten so well today that I wanted to give Lucky something special before she got her regular food.
I smiled when I got the can open and I heard her quick, incessant meows. My girl’s extraordinary sense of smell told her exactly what I was holding, and she rubbed against my leg in excitement.
I put the small treat in the bowl and placed it on the floor.
Lucky was so easy, and it took very little to make her happy.
A human who loved her and played with her sometimes…
A tiny bit of tuna…
A place on the carpet to lay in a warm sunbeam…
A comfortable bed…
And a warm body to cuddle with at night.
I stroked her as she devoured her treat, wishing life could be just that uncomplicated for humans, too.