2. Chandler
2
CHANDLER
“Have the marketing team come up with a plan for this idea and tell them that I want them to have something to present by Monday afternoon.”
I hand my assistant the paper with the mockup advertisement for the company and wait for her to finish taking notes on her tablet.
“Is there anything specific you want them to do with it?”
I take a moment to think about how I want them to do the ad, but I’m too distracted today to come up with anything.
“No, just tell them to go with their guts on this one, and we can figure it out after they present it to me.”
Jillian nods and, after collecting all of her things, turns to leave my office.
I sit back in my chair and run a hand over my face. The stubble on my chin scratches against my palm, and I realize that I don’t know when I last shaved, which is unlike me. I take a lot of pride in my appearance. I thought staying fit and looking put together was enough, but Jillian once told me that it was the bare minimum. I stand from my desk and walk into the bathroom that is connected to my office. I keep extra things in here for the times when things are busy and I don’t have time to go home. Picking up the shaving cream I shake the can and spray some out onto my hand before spreading it over my jaw.
I look over myself while I shave, my dirty blonde hair is longer than I usually let it get. The sides are starting to grow out, and the top is falling into my eyes. My black dress pants and dark blue button up shirt that I spent a lot of money to have fit my tall built form perfectly are wrinkled and twisted around my body. I stand at six feet tall exactly and work hard to keep my body in shape; I like my clothes to show it off. There are dark circles under my sea blue eyes, emphasizing the golden ring around the pupil, but they are only noticeable if someone is looking close enough.
Once done, I wash my face off and check my watch. It’s only eleven in the morning and it feels like I’ve been here a full day.
Sighing, I turn out the light of the bathroom and make my way back to my desk to drown myself in work some more.
I don’t want to think about what today is. I don’t want to think about how I will be going home tonight to an empty penthouse apartment once again.
It’s been nine years, Chandler.
I minimize the emails I have open on my desktop and click on the folder labeled DON’T OPEN at the top right corner of the screen. I labeled it that to try and keep myself from staring at the pictures I stored in there all day. The cursor hovers over the folder while I debate with myself to open it or not. If there is a time that would be okay to open it, it would be today. I lift my finger, just about to double click on the folder when a knock sounds at my door.
“Come in.”
I’m relieved at the interruption. It keeps me from making a mistake and looking at the pictures in the folder.
Jillian opens the door and peeks around it at me.
“Marketing has a few questions for you about the presentation. Do you want me to transfer them to you or do you want to go down to see them?”
I lock my computer and stand.
“I’ll go down.”
Jillian grabs her tablet and follows me to the elevator to go down to the third floor. I need to stay busy today. I’ve been too distracted, and I need to get my head in the game. I’m the CEO of Bishop Enterprises, a billion-dollar company, and I can’t afford to slack off. Not even on a day like today.
The workday finally comes to an end, and I feel like I’ve just been through the ringer. I’m exhausted and hungry, and all I want to do is go home and go to sleep, but I know I won’t.
If I go home now to that big, empty apartment that I just can’t seem to get warm enough, I will lay awake. I climb into the back of my car and tell Steven, my driver, to take me to the club that my best friend Josh owns.
I need to get drunk and find someone to keep me warm.
I know I’m going to wake up tomorrow and feel terrible, but I don’t care. I need this tonight.
Even though it’s a Monday night, Josh’s club is still packed with people by the time I get there. It’s what happens when you live in New York City; the nightlife never stops, and the city never sleeps.
As I step into Josh’s club, the thumbing from the music travels though the floor and up my feet until I can feel is in my chest. I take a quick look around the place; it’s a typical New York club, a flashy bar that stands out in the dark atmosphere, beckoning people to buy more drinks as they dance together out on the floor. Small spotlights are pointed to the dance floor, and red and purple lights are attached to the walls to give the place some kind of way to see. There are tables and couches set to one side of the room for people to take a break, and behind them, a set of stairs that leads to the VIP area. I make a beeline for the VIP section where I know I’m going to find Josh. He stays up here for most of the night, a constant flow of drinks and women coming through. It’s decorated similar to the rest of the area, just with bigger couches made of more expensive materials.
I step past the rope that blocks off the section, and Josh is sitting exactly where I knew he was going to be, a woman on each side of him.
“Chandler! I didn’t know you were going to show tonight!”
He stands to greet me, and we shake hands before he pats me on the back and leads me over to sit. He motions for the women to leave, and they get up without question.
“So, decided to come out into the land of the living this year instead of wallowing away in your apartment?”
I shoot him a glare, and he just laughs while signaling the waiter for drinks.
“Hey, don’t give me that look. I’m just glad you’re out. I’ve been telling you for years to come out with me. It’s been too long for you to still be spending today locked away in your tower.”
The waiter brings our drinks, and I knock mine back as soon as he hands it to me.
“I wasn’t locking myself away, Josh. I was, I am , mourning the loss of the love of my life.”
He rolls his eyes at me.
“She didn’t die, Chandler. She left your ass.”
For the past nine years, he and I have been having the same argument over and over again. I had been out with him on this day nine years ago, and when we arrived back to my place late in the evening, the woman that I had been dating for just over a year had been gone. There was a bag half packed on the bed, and her phone was sitting next to it. I had called the police and tried to file a missing person report, but they had told me it looked like she had left and there was no sign of forced entry. There was a hastily written note that they found under the bed that simply said, I need time , and they took that as a sign she simply left, but I know better. Something had to have happened for Tanya to never come back.
Now, nine years later, Josh and I are still fighting over what really happened. I don’t know what, but I know with every fiber of my being that something happened to her. She wouldn’t just run away and leave everything behind. Josh thinks that’s exactly what she did. He thinks she left her phone and all the clothes behind because they were things I bought her. He thinks that she didn’t want to take anything that reminded her of me or that I could use to find her after she took off. There’s no way he could be right, though.
We were in love, and I was planning on proposing to her. How could she have been so unhappy as to leave without me noticing that something was wrong?
I shake myself from those thoughts and lift my empty glass for the waiter to bring me another.
“Either way, she’s gone, and I need time to get past that.”
He stares at me for a moment with a look of disappointment before shaking his head.
“Hey, give me a break. I rarely turn you down when you ask me to hangout. Can’t you give me that? You know I don’t party that much.”
He smirks at me and turns to face two women that have been eyeing us since I sat down.
“Well, you’re out now, so we need to make the most of it.”
Sipping my drink, I make eye contact with one of the women, and she smiles at me. I let my eyes trail over her body, and it hits me how much she looks like Tanya. She has dark brown hair, and her eyes look dark from this distance, but I can’t tell what color they are in this lighting. She has a curvy body, and her legs look a mile long with her stiletto heels.
My stomach tightens with both lust and pain. She’s beautiful, but I don’t think I could even have a conversation with her without picturing Tanya, never mind having her in my bed.
I turn quickly to Josh before he can call his ridiculous dibs on one of them.
“I call dibs on the blonde.”
He turns to me in shock and an incredulous smile spreads across his face.
“Would you look at that! Chandler Bishop calling dibs on a woman. You really are coming out of your cave.”
I roll my eyes and slowly uncurl myself from my seat. I’m not about to tell him that the only reason I am is because I can’t stand to look at her friend all night long and see Tanya in her.
“Whatever, man. Are we going to make a move or are we just going to sit here like insecure boys waiting for them to make theirs?”
If there was anything to get Josh to shut up and get moving, it was a threat to his masculinity.
“You keep talking like that, and I’m going to be taking home both women.”
I snort at his bravado and shove him as he walks by me. I follow after him and watch as he turns on his charm and smiles at the women. I don’t know if I’m up to this. I’ve been with my fair share of women in the last nine years, but every time feels like a betrayal to Tanya. Like I’m cheating on her.
Josh turns to me and introduces me to the ladies, and I do my best to pull myself out of the dark hole I can feel myself start to fall down. Josh is right, it’s time that I pull myself up and start to move on. I will always love Tanya, but I can’t take the empty, lonely feeling anymore. My world has been cold since she’s been gone, and I want to find the warmth again.
I’m sitting on one of the black leather couches in the VIP section, in a secluded dark corner where the lights from the main floor don’t quite reach, with the tall, strawberry blonde woman from before straddling my lap. Her body is thin and lean, and I can’t stop running my hands all over her. Her long legs are on either side of me, and her black dress has risen to the curve of her ass. Her long, thick hair is tickling my hands as I run them up her back to cup her head. We’ve both had a few drinks, and Josh and her friend ditched us long ago. Probably in a similar position as we are. We’ve been making out pretty heavily for a while now, and by the way she keeps grinding into me, I know where she’s wanting this to go. Back to one of our places. We’re both too tall for this couch, and there isn’t much room for us to do more.
I run my hands back down her back before sliding them around her back and down to squeeze her ass in my hands. She moans when I pull her closer and cause her center to grind into me. She pulls away to breathe, and I trail my lips down her neck, pulling the strap of her dress off her shoulder to reveal more of her cleavage. I nip at her skin, and she gasps.
“Let’s get out of here.” Her voice is breathless.
I pull away from her and look up into her eyes. They’re a hazel greenish color.
They’re the wrong shade.
The thought crosses my mind before I can stop it, and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
I remove my hands from her body and gently push her off of my lap and onto the cushion next to me.
“In fact, I think we should stop. I apologize for making you think there was going to be more, but I can’t.”
I don’t look at her as I stand from the couch. I know she’s probably pissed that I ended things the way I did and right when she is expecting us to take things further, and I don’t want to wait around for the argument.
“She wrecked you, didn’t she?”
I freeze at her words, then spin around to face her.
“What?”
If Josh told her about Tanya , I’m going to kill him.
“Whoever broke your heart. She did a number on you, huh?”
She stands from the couch and fixes her dress as she steps closer to me.
“Did Josh tell you this? Did he want you to get to know me so that we would sleep together?”
She tilts her head to the side and furrows her brow in confusion. I feel a little bad jumping down her throat, but I need to know if Josh is trying to pull strings. Her eyes search mine like she’s looking into my soul.
“No, he didn’t say anything to me. I can just see it.”
My back straightens at her words, and I start to turn away, but she gently grabs my arm.
“Wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. It just takes one to know one, you know?”
I turn back to look at her, surprised that she knows what I’m going through.
“It’s a long story.”
She nods and rubs my arm. The motion is meant to be comforting, but, for some reason, all that I feel from her touch is pity and bitterness. I gently move away from her until her hand drops from my arm.
“I understand. It’s not easy to talk about. I also don’t blame you for stopping this. It’s been three months since he broke up with me, and I thought I was ready for it, but I’ll admit that I’m relieved you turned me down.”
Three months?
I shuffle my feet, ready to bolt if she asks me how long Tanya has been gone. The fact that she’s ready to start moving on after three months makes me feel like maybe Josh is right about me taking so long, but on the other hand, her boyfriend broke up with her; Tanya just disappeared.
There has been no closure for me. I don’t know if she really did run away. If someone took her. I have no idea what has happened to her and where she has been for the last nine years.
One day she was here, and the next she was gone. I didn’t bother trying to find her family. She wasn’t close to any of them and had cut off contact with them before we met. I knew that if she did run, there was no way she would run to any of them.
I clear my throat and take another step away from her.
“Yeah, well, I’m still sorry I let it go so far before stopping us.”
I can’t meet her eyes, and I want nothing more than to run out of this club. She smiles at me and grabs her purse from the table.
“Don’t sweat it. I’m going to go find our friends.”
She turns and walks out of the VIP area, and I let out a forceful breath before taking a seat. I know Josh is going to come find me and complain at me. I run my hands through the short strands of my hair and sit with my head in my hands until Josh comes to find me.
“Dude, what the hell? I thought you were going to take her home. Now her friend won’t leave her alone and is going to go with her.”
I look up at him, and when he sees the look on my face, he stops and sighs.
“You really need to move on, man. No matter what happened, she’s not coming back.”
He shoves his hands into his pockets and turns to leave the section again. With him gone and the night now a bust, I just want to go home. Hopefully, now that I’ve had plenty of alcohol, I will be able to fall asleep quickly.
Steven is waiting for me outside, next to the dark gray Toyota Land Cruiser that I just recently purchased. It’s the newest model and its sleek but bulky build drew me in. The seats are black fabric, and the backseat is roomy for someone of my height. When I walk out of the club, swaying side to side, he gets out and walks around to open the back door for me. I stumble and nearly trip getting into the back, and I see his eyebrows come together over his eyes in a look of concern before he closes the door and gets back into the driver seat.
“Everything alright, sir?”
I nod my head once in response, then turn to stare out the window. He takes the hint that I am not going to talk about it with him, and he starts the car and pulls away from the curb.
I go on autopilot on the way home. My brain is numb from the many drinks, and the passing scenery lulls me into a type of trance. I don’t even notice that we’ve arrived home until my driver clears his throat.
“Sir, we’re back.”
I look around and see that we’ve parked in one of my spots in the garage, and Steven is waiting for me to get out. I thank him and fumble my way out of the car and to the elevator. I have to lean against the wall while I wait for the elevator to arrive, the drinks finally catching up to me and making me drowsy.
The doors finally open, and I have to put in a code to get up to the penthouse. It takes me a few tries, but I finally get it in and stand against the back wall while it gains speed as it rises. I must have started to doze off, because the ding of the elevator arriving at my floor jerks me awake and I jump.
I take one step into my cold apartment and stare around at the dark room. It’s an open floor plan, and from where I stand in the entryway, I can see the whole first floor. Across from me is the living room with the back wall made of windows overlooking Central Park, and all I can see at this time of night past my balcony are lights from the city. My housekeeper, a middle-aged woman who has been with me since I got started, has already gone to bed and has left a light on for me.
I start toward my bedroom and stop just in front of the door. I don’t want to spend another night in there without someone next to me. I turn as quickly as I can without falling over and make my way to my office. I have some emails waiting for me, and I want to look them over before I fall sleep on the couch that I have in there. There have been many nights over the years where that couch has been my safe haven late into the night.
I make it to my office and stare at the giant mahogany desk with my laptop on it and decide that I don’t have the energy to open emails right now. I turn to the couch against the windows and fall face first into the couch, hoping that I can fall asleep before my mind can start to wander again. I don’t want to think anymore, but one last thought drifts through my mind before I can stop it.
I’m going to find you , Tanya, no matter how long it takes me.