20. Chandler
20
CHANDLER
I haven’t spoken to Tanya in a week. An entire week. Every time I call her phone, Sophia picks up, and when I ask her if I can talk to her mother when we are done, she tells me that her mother said she’s busy.
I have no idea what happened, but I do know that Josh had something to do with it. I’ve tried calling him as well, and he’s also ignoring me. It’s Friday, and I’m at my breaking point. If Tanya doesn’t show up tonight, then I’m taking the helicopter to Willow Creek and forcing her to talk to me. Everything had been going great. We were becoming closer as a couple and as a family, she is carrying my child for God’s sake. She can’t just disappear on me again.
The past three nights I’ve had vivid dreams about her disappearance. I keep reliving the moment I came home to find her things on the bed and Tanya nowhere to be found. I wake with a start, covered in sweat and unable to go back to sleep. The only thing that is saving me from going insane is the fact that Tanya is letting me continue to talk to Sophia. Soph is my lifeline to Tanya right now, and I can tell that she’s starting to see that something is off as well. It’s the look in her eyes. Like she’s trying to figure out a word problem.
She still calls me to check in on her stuffies while they are at the cabin. It gets harder and harder to be away from them, especially with the new baby. I missed out on Tanya carrying Sophia, and I feel like I’m missing out on this baby as well.
“Sir? Your meeting is about to start.”
I turn my chair around to face the door where Jillian is standing, a look of concern on her face.
“Is everything okay?”
I gather my things for the meeting and stand.
“Everything is fine, Jillian. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
I meet her at the door, but she doesn’t move out of the way. She stands in front of me and puts her hands on her hips.
“Everything is not fine. What happened?”
A voice comes from behind her, and my eyes lift to meet Josh’s.
“He’s reliving his past and is too stubborn to admit it.”
This is just what I need.
“Now you want to talk to me? I’m on my way to a meeting.”
He shoves his hands into his pockets and shrugs.
“I’ll just wait for you in your office then.”
I sigh, and Jillian and I move aside so that Josh can enter.
“Don’t go through my shit. I should be done in about an hour.”
He nods and takes a seat in one of the chairs I have set up by the windows. I stare at him for a moment.
“Sir, your meeting. You don’t have to worry; I will be able to see him from my desk.”
Jillian is a saving grace in my life.
“Don’t let him out of your sight.”
She nods, and I make my way to the meeting room. I need to keep my head in the game, I need to focus on work, then on Josh, then on Tanya.
It’s going to be a long day.
The meeting ends up lasting an hour and a half, and by the time I’m heading back to my office, I’m already on the verge of losing it. I don’t know what it is with this week, but it’s like everyone got together and decided that today was a good day to be absolutely useless.
I have meeting after meeting today, and I don’t want to deal with Josh right now, but I know he’s not going to leave until we talk.
He’s got the worst timing.
I glance at Jillian as I pass her desk, and she gives me a smile and a thumbs up. She’s young, and at times like this, I can’t help but wonder why she chooses to work here. She could have more time to be young if she chose to work somewhere else. She wouldn’t have to worry about missing out on big moments with her kids, or losing the love of her life because she works too much.
I shake myself out of my thoughts before I spiral any further. I’ve got to keep my head in the game.
I can see Josh before I get to my office, just like Jillian said she would, and he’s slumped into the seat reading one of the business magazines I leave on the tables. He doesn’t so much as move his eyes to look at me when I enter and walk over to my desk.
“If you want to talk now, you’re going to have to do so while I work. I don’t have time to stop and focus on you now that you’ve decided to talk to me.”
He tosses the magazine onto the table, unfolds himself from the chair, and walks over to my desk to sit in the chair across from me. He doesn’t say anything, and when I look up at him, he’s staring at me.
“What do you want, Josh? You obviously have something to say.”
“What did she tell you?”
Every muscle in my body tenses.
“I knew it. I knew you said something to her. What did you do?”
He looks shocked to hear that Tanya didn’t say anything to me.
“You don’t know? She didn’t say anything?”
I rub at my temples and take a deep breath.
“No, she didn’t say anything. I saw you sneak off at the party and when you both came back, she looked off. She said she was fine and that you two just ran into each other, and now she hasn’t spoken to me in a week.”
He looks away from me when I look up at him again.
“Josh, just tell me what you said to her.”
I’m already working at not lunging across this desk and decking him, and I know what he tells me next is going to force me to use all of my will power. I can’t go around punching people, even if I do own the company.
“I told her what I really think. I think she ran from you, and when you found her, she had to come up with a reason and it was amnesia. I think she wants your money and having another kid is the way for her to get it.”
I’m going to kill him.
“Get out.”
I have to clench my jaw tight so I don’t start screaming at him.
“What?”
I slowly stand and rest my hands on my desk, keeping my eyes locked on the dark wood under them.
“Get. Out.”
He still doesn’t move, and I’m losing the very thin grasp I have on my control.
“Josh, get out now or I’m going to beat the shit out of you.”
He stands but still doesn’t make a move to leave.
“I’m just trying to protect you, Chandler. You have a very successful business, and if she’s after any of it, I don’t want you to do something stupid to lose it.”
“She’s not after my money and she’s not faking the amnesia!”
My voice echoes through my office and Josh stands there, staring at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“Get out. You don’t want me to talk to you right now. I can promise you that it won’t turn out the way you think it will. Leave or I’ll have Jillian call security.”
“They have already been advised to be on standby.”
Jillian’s voice comes from the doorway, but I keep my eyes trained on Josh. He sighs and shakes his head like he is disappointed in me.
“Fine, I’ll go, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
He turns and storms out of my office, nearly knocking Jillian over on his way out. Once he’s gone, my body starts to shake with how much I’m having to tense my muscles to hold back.
“Do you want me to cancel the rest of your meetings?”
“No. It’s fine. Everything will stay right on track. I just need a moment.”
She nods and turns to leave, but I can tell that she wants to say more.
“I’m fine, Jillian. Please just order us some lunch so that I can have it after my next meeting. Order from wherever you want.”
She nods again and leaves, closing my office door. As soon as I hear the click of the door latching, I sink into my chair. I don’t know how much worse this week can get, but at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised by anything.
I give myself one minute. One minute to stress over the fact that the mother of my children is ignoring me for unknown reasons. One minute to be angry with my best friend and his bullshit. One minute to worry that the perfect future I could see for myself wasn’t going to happen. I allow myself one minute to wonder if I’m going to lose Tanya all over again.
After that one minute is over, I shake myself and focus on work. I get all the papers I need for my next meeting and check my schedule to reorient myself on what I’m supposed to be doing. Now is not the time to be worried or stressed out over things I cannot control, now is the time to focus on my company and what I need to do to keep it running.
Even if Tanya runs, I have to think about our children’s future. This company is going to guarantee that they want for nothing in their lives, and that’s what matters most. I will focus on what to do to make sure she doesn’t run later.
Just as I was leaving my last meeting of the day, I got a text from Tanya saying that she and Sophia would be at the penthouse by six o’clock. I felt both relived and anxious at her text. I was relieved that she was going to be here, present and within reach, and anxious that she was going to tell me that she wanted to end things.
A part of me worried that Josh and my mom were right, that she had run from me nine years ago. That she ran, got in a car accident that almost took her life, and forgot about me. I could deal with her never getting her memories back. I could handle her never remembering our life before. I can’t handle her leaving me again. I barely survived it last time and I wouldn’t survive it again. Especially if she takes my children with her.
No, don’t think like that, Chandler. Give her a chance to talk.
I gather my things and tell Jillian to go home. It’s a quarter past five, and I told Tanya I was going to do better at being around and working less. Jillian should benefit from that as well. I make it home with just enough time to change out of my suit and into a pair of jeans and a nice long sleeve Henley shirt. It was chilly out tonight, but I plan on finally keeping my word to Sophia and show her the roof.
I grab the key to the door for the roof from my office and take it to the kitchen so I have it ready and nearby when they arrive. For a moment, I think about getting dinner set up there for us to enjoy, but with the chill, I don’t want the food to get cold or anyone to get sick. Lisa made something simple for us and left directions for me to heat it up before leaving for the night. I don’t know how tonight is going to go, but if it goes the way I want, then I just want a night for the three of us to be a family.
I need to keep my hands busy, so I get everything out of the fridge for dinner and start to get everything heated up. Lisa made Tanya and me a steak salad that looks amazing and made some homemade chicken nuggets and mac and cheese for Sophia.
Ten minutes after dinner is ready, they arrive, and as soon as I see Tanya, my stomach is full of nerves.
“Hello, ladies. I hope you’re hungry.”
I wave my hand toward the table with everything set out, and Sophia runs overs to me, hugs me quickly around the waist, and takes a seat.
“I’m starving!”
I laugh and turn to face Tanya. She looks tired, and I just want to hold her, but I don’t know if that’s what she wants right now.
“You okay? How was the drive?”
Relief hits me so strongly when she walks up to me and places her hands on my chest that my knees nearly give out on me.
“It’s getting easier the more we come up here. Exposure and all that. Kayla dropped us off but had to head back. She has to work a shift tomorrow night.”
She smooths her hand across my chest and up to wrap around my shoulders. I let out a breath and pull her body closer to mine, resting my head against hers.
“I missed you this week.” My words are soft. I don’t want to spook her away from me again.
“We missed you too. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to talk to you more. I had some stuff to think over.”
Stuff to think over?
My stomach twists at the thought, and I pull back to look into her eyes.
“Everything okay?”
She gives me a soft smile and nods.
“Yeah, we can talk about it after Soph goes to bed. Right now, baby is hungry.”
Smiling, I reach down to rest my hand against her stomach.
“I can’t wait until I can feel him move.”
She shakes her head at me and steps around me to go to the table where Sophia is waiting not so patiently for us. Tanya and I sit down at either end of the table so Sophia is between us, and I pile food onto each of their plates before getting my food.
“How was school this week, baby girl?”
Sophia’s eyes light up at my question, and I love that she enjoys school so much. She tells me all about the art projects that she and her friends made and how she was the fastest at running at recess. I smirk at Tanya at her competitive nature, and she just rolls her eyes.
Moments like this are a balm to my soul. After such a terrible week, having my girls with me having a simple dinner and just listening to Sophia chatter on brings me so much peace.
After dinner, I can clean up the dishes and put away the leftovers while Tanya gets Sophia in the bath and puts their weekend stuff away. I hate that they have weekend stuff, I just want them with me always, and I don’t know how to get us there.
I need to figure out how to get us together as a family before I lose them.
After Sophia is done with her shower, I tell Tanya to get their coats on and meet me in the kitchen.
“Are we going somewhere?”
She looks confused, and I just shake my head smiling. They quickly get on some coats, and I unlock the door to the roof and wait for them, a nervous excitement making me jittery.
“I told you I had a surprise for you on the roof, didn’t I?”
Sophia’s eyes grow wide with excitement and Tanya smiles almost knowingly. I almost ask her if she remembers what is up here, then check myself, she’s probably just remembering I had a surprise to show Soph.
I hold my hand out to Soph, and she skips over to take it. I lead them up the stairs and turn to face them so I can see their expressions as I open the door. I push the door open with my foot and watch as Sophia’s face breaks out into a wide smile and Tanya laughs at her expression. She doesn’t look surprised by the sight, and it makes me stop for a moment.
Does she remember this?
Before I can say anything, Sophia darts by me and starts checking out our rooftop garden. I had it created for Tanya for our one-year anniversary and never had the heart to tear it down after she disappeared.
Tanya and I follow Soph at a slower pace, and I keep a close eye on Tanya’s face as she watches our daughter explore the flowers and various other plants that cover the roof.
“You don’t seem surprised to see this.”
Hope is starting to climb up my throat, and I try to push it down. It’s not important to me that she gets her memories back. It will change nothing between us if she gets them back or not, but the thought that she does makes me hopeful.
She turns to face me, and her expression seems guarded. She motions to a bench nearby, and we sit on it where we can still see Sophia while we talk.
“Part of the reason I made myself scarce this week is because I’ve been trying to figure out how to deal with everything. Last weekend, my memories started to come back.”
My breath catches in my throat, and I can feel the burn of tears behind my eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She looks down and starts rubbing her hands.
“I needed to sort through some things, and I wanted to make sure that it was real. That I was getting all of them back.”
“And did you? Get them all back?”
“I think so.”
I blow out a breath and lean forward to rest my elbows on my knees and rest my head in my hands.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
I turn to her quickly and take her hands in mine.
“Baby, no. You don’t have to be sorry. That’s your choice. I just can’t believe it.”
She nods her head in a way that says, “I know it’s crazy.”
“There’s more that I want to talk to you about, but I don’t know how you’re going to take it.”
I don’t know why, but I know what she’s going to say before she does.
“You really did leave me, didn’t you?”
Tears well up in her eyes.
“I was thinking about it. I wasn’t leaving you when I had my accident. I needed space and was going to spend just the day in Willow Creek to think things through, but then the accident happened.”
It hurts to hear that she was even thinking about it.
“Are you still wanting to leave? Is that why you needed space again?”
Her hands tighten over mine.
“I won’t lie and say it wasn’t a thought. I’m just scared to be in this world. This isn’t what I wanted for my life, and I don’t want to raise our kids constantly being bombarded by the paparazzi and people following them. I want our kids to have a normal life, and I don’t want to have to do it on my own because you work all the time.”
I feel like she’s punched me in the stomach.
“But I’m more scared of being without you.”
Her words are soft, and yet I feel like she screamed them to the world. I blow out the breath I was holding and pull her into my arms.
“I’m so sorry I ever made you feel that way. I’m so sorry that I caused all of this. If I had just paid more attention and did as you asked, none of this would have happened. I promise you I’m going to do better. I’m going to work less, and I’m going to be the best father to our kids, and if you still want to, I promise to be the best husband to you if you marry me.”
She sniffles and holds me tighter.
“I do want to marry you. I do want us to be a family; I’m just scared. I love Willow Creek so much. It’s where Soph was born, and she’s spent her whole life with the people there. What are we going to do?”
I push her back some to look into her eyes. Tears are streaming down her face, and I wipe them away with my thumbs.
“We will figure everything out, together. We will give our kids the best life possible, and I’m going to make sure that all three of you are happy and never want for anything. I’m not going to mess up again.”
She sniffles and nods her head. A small, pitiful smile on her face.
“Will you marry me, Tanya Roberts?”