3. Chapter 3 #3
“And I nearly fucking wet myself during the next part,” she continues, making Gran and me glance at each other with curiosity.
“The poor fucker went white. Nearly matched the colour of his crisp eggshell shirt. Paler than a fresh blanket of snow. I mean, I get it; he’d never heard me say anything longer than 3 words, let alone heard me swear.
He looked physically ill, and it took every bloody bone in my body not to laugh at him. ”
At that moment, Gran and I burst into laughter with her, because just like Macy described, it was as if we could see the constipated look on Surly Bastard’s face.
“I’d never seen any other expression apart from his usual grump of a face, so I nearly heaved in shock. But it only happened for a second or two; then he cleared his throat and went back to normal,” she finishes, waving her hand, showing she was moving on.
“He was obviously trying to say or ask something more of me, so he tried again. I’d never seen someone in a hand-tailored suit look so uncomfortable; he kept fiddling with his suit jacket while he was pushing out the words.
I was so focused on watching him move so much, I had to ask him to repeat the question. ” Macy adds.
“What did he ask you?” I question, raising my eyebrow, wondering what the hell her grump of a boss had to ask an employee he barely cared about, but it would have to be important if he came there on his day off to ask something that made him so uncomfortable he couldn’t keep still.
“We got a defibrillator on hand. Granny Mags, your heart might stop.” Macy teases, mostly as a joke because Gran did nothing but brush the comment off, but I knew it made LJ tense because his shoulders went stiff, preparing for the worst. Macy leaned forward, making all of us lean in too, like she was about to share the secret of the century.
“Long story short, he asked me if I had any nanny recommendations; he’s looking for a live-in nanny.”
“HE HAS A CHILD?!” Gran, LJ, and I all yelled at the same time as Macy sat back in her chair and nodded with pride at her discovery of a lifetime.
“Yup!” she said, emphasising the ‘p’ as she gave us a few seconds to process the information, as she herself had the last two days to come to terms with the shock.
“That’s what I said!” she adds, entangling her fingers and resting them on top of her tummy as my brother fed her cake. A nice attempt to lessen the blow he’s gonna later, but good on him for trying.
“Well, I actually said, ‘Are you asking because I’m pregnant or because I’m the only woman here?’ That comment earned me another constipated look.” She giggles as Gran and I laugh along with her again.
“Then, when he didn’t respond, I asked him, “What Fucker gave you a child?” I know it wasn’t the most appropriate language to use, but considering he came to me on his day off, I figured we were having an off-the-record conversation, and I took a shot.
It was definitely worth the odd puzzled look on his face.
” Macy laughs; we knew she was picturing Surly Bastard’s face while accepting another big bite of cake from her husband.
“So, what did you tell him?” Gran asks; I could tell she hoped Macy pushed to get more information about his out-of-nowhere child; she’d never read anything about it in the business magazines she collected on or about him.
“Well, not much,” Macy shrugs. “I mean, I told him I was raising our baby and working from home since my extended maternity leave got approved, so I didn’t have any information about childcare,” she states, a fact that was news to us.
Surly Bastard was known as a cold-hearted bastard who made interns wet themselves in his presence.
Therefore, we couldn’t figure out who approved her request. Although Macy suspects his assistant did it, as they’d become great work friends.
“Nigel definitely had a hand in it; otherwise, there was no way Surly Bastard would have approved it,” Macy declares, pulling her lips between her teeth. Then she went on to talk about how he made her sign an NDA because she knew about his child, yet she told us anyway.
Once the buzz of information on the one we call Surly Bastard came to an end, we all reverted to the sofa for Gran’s all-time favourite show, She’s On The Move.
Considering it was a re-run, we then allowed LJ to finish his story, and my turn came around during the commercial break. I didn’t bother holding back.
“Gran wants me to move out so she can have sex,” earning me a hard conk on the head from her famous wedding ring. Poor LJ was midway through drinking a bottle of water, but ended up spitting it all back up and over the coffee table, and then he got his own head conk for poor manners.
Only Macy was apparently allowed to be abrupt and racy without punishment because she proceeded to smirk, then nudged Gran with her shoulder, belting out the words “Look at you, Gran, go get you some!” so confidently that it reduced LJ into a wheezing mess; he looked seconds away from breaking out in hives.
That alone made the rest of us laugh until eventually we all laughed off the whole situation, it was one of the best things about our family, we could bicker and even be at each other’s throats sometimes, but it all came from love and at the end of the day, no matter what, we could all laugh with each other, and it made the world seem a little brighter.
Yeah, sure, I was stressed at how quickly I needed to find a job and move out into a reasonable place, so my eighty-four-year-old grandmother could have the sex life she so craved. But today had been a pretty good day. Making the last few days the most entertaining.
As the evening came to an end, LJ was helping Macy with her coat, then whispered the words “Help me!” in my ear.
A common phrase between the two of us but I wasn’t stupid enough to get in between the crossfire igniting between him and Macy, I did what any loving sister would do is whisper the words “Good luck and call me if you need me to make up your bedroom for you.” and closed the front door with the image of Macy dragging him to the car by his coat collar.
I had no idea where I was going to go from here but I’m sure I could figure it out and Gran would never shove me out until she knew I had somewhere safe to live, so despite Gran making a joke about wanting my help to buy a vibrator online that made me choke on my toothbrush as we got ready for bed, I basked in the bliss today held.