22. Chapter 22 #2
Moments later, Luna’s grandmother, who insisted I call her Gran as the rest of her family does, gave me the grand tour of the flat whilst Luna got Theo settled in the living room.
It is slightly bigger than I thought, having only seen it for a brief moment when I was here last week.
After being asked to remove my shoes, she started by guiding me to the small yet quaint kitchenette left of the hallway, then the bathroom and a closed door at the end of the hall.
“That’s my bedroom, but you do not need to see an old lady’s treasures unless you want to?” She whispers the last part, shooting me a quick wink, showing no shame in flirting with someone more than fifty years younger, but quickly brushes it off and stretches her arm out towards the living room.
Luna brushes past us as we leave the kitchen, no doubt to make a start on dinner. The two of us share a look, mine gazing at how the sunlight peeking through the window makes her eyes a golden shade of Hazel and hers expressing a sympathetic yet grateful look.
I assume for humouring her grandm-Gran with the short-lived tour through their small flat. I have no choice but to take my attention off a certain brunette and focus on Gran giving me the rundown of the living room.
To my right, Theo is crouched over the coffee table with his legs tucked under himself, on the floor, completing a Super Mario colouring book Luna brought him. A medium-sized sofa sat behind him, just big enough to fit four people, five if it’s a tight squeeze.
Then, as I move around the room, there is an old cabinet with two glass doors full of silverware and dining essentials at the top, the middle section open and filled with old mail, books, magazines, etc., with a small pot full of stationery, and two closed drawers at the bottom.
Next to it is a worn-out Ottoman, no doubt used as a storage space, as there isn’t much room for anything else. As we make our way around to two closed doors on the other side of the room, seated between a small table with a tall vase full of spiral bamboo stems.
These rooms were most likely Luna and her brother’s childhood bedrooms. That just leaves the TV sitting on a stand not far from the sofa. An old rug stretched out on the floor, extending under the sofa.
From the walls to the decor, this place looked as if it hadn’t changed much from when Luna’s grandparents must have brought this place back in the seventies or eighties.
It may not have been much, but even after being here for all of ten minutes, it felt like a real home.
Especially with photographs covering almost every wall, from a family portrait hanging behind the sofa, to first loose tooth photos, to graduation.
Showcasing the timeline of Luna and her brother’s childhood, when that lump in the back of my throat returned, and suddenly it dawned on me why.
Without much time to be in my thoughts, Gran tugs at my wrist and leads me into a room with baby pink walls, a small double bed in the centre with mint green sheets, faded wallpaper from years of hanging posters on the walls, although one small poster remained, peeking out from behind the vanity resting against the wall.
“That’s an old One Direction poster Luna super-glued to the wall when she was younger; she refuses to rip it down, so she hides it,” Gran explains with a laugh when she catches me looking at it. Giving me an insight into what type of teenager Luna was: the fangirl kind.
A white wooden drawer, the same colour as the vanity, rested beside it with a few picture frames planted on the top.
“You look like you need a moment. Take all the time you need, and dinner will be ready soon.” Gran recites, patting my back, then closes the door behind her.
The moment I hear the door click, I do just as she says and take a moment. I release a small breath that I’d been holding in since I crossed the threshold and clench my fists in an attempt to regulate the pounding in my chest.
I remain that way for a few seconds, feeling far too out of my element when the picture frame sitting in the middle of her drawers catches my eye after another look around.
I approach the photo in two strides, as I realise this room is not even half the size of the room Luna has back home when I pick up the photo.
The detailed fountain, carefully laid brick and vibrant marketplace in the background tell me this photo was taken on holiday; one doesn’t travel as I did in the past and not be able to tell the difference between their surroundings.
Although I’m not sure where this photo was taken, I suspect somewhere in Europe.
Her older brother, who I believe is called LJ?
Stands mid frame, with an awkward smile tugged on his lips, the kind that has seen far too much for his age, yet he found the light and a smaller, adorable version of Luna is tucked at his side, grinning so wide it brightens the whole picture, displaying her missing tooth on the bottom left of her mouth.
A photo so sweet you could get a cavity if you looked at it for too long.
This.
This was the reason I didn’t want to come here, and yet I came anyway.
But why? To torture myself.
That’s why. Why else would I voluntarily come to a family dinner when I have no context for what that word really means?
The dynamic of how I grew up compared to Luna had no comparison. She was showered with love even after losing both her parents; it’s obvious by this photo alone, whereas I?
I was nothing but luggage paraded around the world whilst my mother did as she pleased. I had no childhood bedroom, no keepsakes of my achievements apart from my degree and various awards I’d won over the last few years.
And worst of all, I had no photographs.
None.
Not one memory of losing my first tooth or riding my first bike.
Nothing.
I’ve been all around the world with zero evidence to prove it because with a well-known mother like mine, she didn’t want any kind of evidence that could trace back to the fact that she had a child. It’s the reason I am so adamant that Theo had the memories that I didn’t.
That he never has to question whether his milestones were valid, or doesn’t need to make up what he looked like when he was younger in his head.
Suddenly being in this room just brought up the levels of anger I’d spent years burying because it had no other place to go. I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and I could no longer breathe, being in such a happy environment.
I need out.
I place the photo back in its spot and dart towards the door, doing my best not to take my anger out on the doorknob as I whip the door open, only to be startled by the startled pair of eyes gazing up at me.
Luna.
The unnecessary urge to hug her pooled in my stomach, and if that would help dissipate my anger, but like the unresolved aggression pumping through my veins, I ignore it.
“D-dinner is almost ready.” She states, looking at me as if she’s seeing something she hadn’t before.
But luckily, the clearing of my throat distracted her long enough for me to return to my neutral setting and the ounce of vulnerability showing was shoved back down to the deepest parts of myself, along with all my other feelings.
****
Meeting colleagues and/or employees outside of work has never been a necessity for me, as I’d only ever be communicating with them during work, and anything outside of that is what I have Nigel for, so how the hell did I get here?
Awkwardly standing in my employee’s childhood home, greeting yet another one of my employees as they shuffle into the small flat.
Nevertheless, I do my best not to frown as I respectfully nod towards Macy and her husband, LJ. Otherwise known as Luna’s older brother, the only other male here, of a similar age and someone who, instead of choosing to shake my hand, has chosen to target me with his deadly glare.
But that doesn’t bother me all that much; you get such looks on the daily working in a field like mine, and no matter how hard he arched his brows, his stare is nothing but the equivalent of a puppy trying to show its dominance but failing miserably.
That’s why I don’t struggle to swallow the generous amount of food on my plate and keep to myself as we are all sitting at the table for dinner. On one side, Luna and I are sandwiched with Theo between us, and Gran is seated at the head of the table, with Macy and her husband on the other side.
LJ is directly opposite me, making it easier for him to acknowledge how unhappy he is to have me sit at this table.
If only he knew I felt the same But, I’m here far too distracted by what Luna was wearing yesterday, I muttered eight stupid words whilst Luna was in the mist of giving me an out about attending this dinner, it’s clear I have some kind of tumour as I’m unable to act the way I usually do and why I was so willing to avoid all the warnings without a second thought.
I need to get that checked.
“Well, now that we’ve tucked in a little. You all know the drill, Macy dear, will you kick things off?” Gran declares, proving why she is head of the table, as I shove out of my fight-or-flight thoughts to concentrate on what’s happening.
“Certainly, Granny Mags. Well, my week wasn’t too bad; my boss was being a pain in the ass as usual-” she starts before choking on her words as we made brief eye contact.
To others, that could be seen as an innocent slip of the tongue, but not to me; my entire career was based around the ability to see between the lines, and those words were no accident.
As subtle as it may have seemed, she meant every word but only treated it like a mistake because of the look she and Luna shared seconds before we did.
It all happened too quickly for the average person to pick up on it, but I did.
“My week was fine as usual,” Macy smirked, covering up her last statement. As for the smirk that had my name written all over it, it was clearly a jab at the fact that she got to speak about me in such an informal setting without consequences.