34. Chapter 34
LUNA
If there ever was a cure to rid the negative thoughts in your head, to cure heartache.
It would be the newborn baby’s smell. God, there’s nothing like it.
The scent is so sweet and pure; it makes your heart do flips.
That’s how I feel, holding little Leo in my arms; the tiny ball of wonder we were all waiting for helps me forget all that’s wrong with the world.
While Macy was resting, I took Theo to the Burger King in the hospital food court for his dinner. Gran followed because she was still trying to fish for answers, but was respectful enough not to push in front of Theo, so the fact that he’s stuck at my hip really came in handy today.
“Hey Lulu, think you could drive Gran back?” LJ asks, following me out of Macy’s hospital room with sleeping Theo in my arms. Our new mummy was still sleeping, and so she should after all her hard work and Gran was distracted by her great-grandchild, so I saw it as the perfect opportunity for me to sneak out.
“I’m sorry, LJ, I really can’t. Not now.” I plead, turning around, hoping that Gran wasn’t behind us. He steps in front of me, much like Oliver always did, now reading my emotions like a book. I really am bad at concealing how I was feeling, aren’t I?
“Hey, come here. What’s wrong?” he asks, pulling us into the lift and pressing the ground floor, giving us a few floors to talk.
“Nothing, it’s just been a long day.” I shrug, adjusting Theo in my arms, not wanting to taint the third-best day of his life, the first being the day he met Macy and the second being their wedding day.
“Don’t give me that. What’s going on with you and Gran? I’d noticed you two being weird earlier,” he points out, taking Theo from me and thank God he did, because he was starting to get heavy.
“I-” I open my mouth, glancing at Theo and close it again. I still can’t say; in fact, I shouldn’t… it wasn’t my place, and although I was struggling with what happened today, this wasn’t the time to tell my family about the mess of my complicated love life.
“Does this have anything to do with your boss?” he sighs. My body goes stiff when he guides me out of the lift on the correct floor; I didn’t realise we reached.
“Yes, we’ve known for quite a while. Macy knew from the day he came to Sunday dinner that something was going on between you two, but I didn’t know until a few days ago.
You hadn’t come to her like she thought you would, so she ended up telling me.
” LJ explains as we walk to Oliver’s car, then he gently puts Theo in the car, covering him with the blanket we keep in the car and closes the door.
“Now, what happened?” he asks, rubbing my shoulders. A gesture I’m familiar with, but I step back away to prevent myself from crying. I can’t cry right now, not when I wasn’t even sure why.
“I-I can’t tell you, or talk about it. Not right now.
I-it’s why I can’t take Gran home. She knows something happened, that something is wrong, and she’ll end up forcing me to tell her before I have time to figure out what’s really going on.
” I admit, taking a deep breath, another attempt to hold back the tears.
LJ doesn’t say anything for a while; he nods and lets me compose myself.
“Okay. I won’t force you, and I’ll take Gran home, but remember that you can always come to Mace and me for anything.
Just because we have Leo now doesn’t mean we won’t have time for you.
I know Gran can be intense when you don’t need her not to be, but you still have us,” he recites, pulling me into a tight hug.
I hug back as the urge to cry returns, but for a whole other reason.
“I know, and I promise I will tell you, guys, everything. I just need more time.” I admit, sighing, soaking in the protective hold of my big brother. He was never a big fan of hugs, but he’ll always hug me when I need it the most.
“Take your time; I’m gonna stay with Mace and Leo tonight, but my phone is on, so call if you need either of us, okay?” He recites softly, pulling away from the hug to kiss my forehead.
“Okay,” I whisper back. He then holds the door open for me as I climb into the driver’s seat and watches the car until I pull out of the car park, and I make my way home.
I call Oliver to let him know that Theo and I will be home soon, but he doesn’t say anything apart from “Okay,” in that same cold tone, then he hangs up. The weight of being dismissed reappears.
It temporarily disappeared when I saw Oliver sitting on the steps outside the house. He looked exhausted; his slightly pale complexion was still there, and his hair was all tousled from the numerous times he probably raked his hand through it in frustration.
Once I was parked, he took Theo out of the car and carried him up the stairs. I can tell he probably hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast this morning, although neither had I.
As upset as I am that he didn’t even bother to greet me, I’m aware of the hellish day he probably had compared to mine, so I left him be, locking his car and bringing Theo’s bag into the house.
I hang his car key in his key holder by the door when I hear him coming down the stairs. I slip into my house slippers when we make eye contact. The man stares blankly at me, nothing as he looked at me this morning.
Mentally drained, with glossy eyes from the beer, resting next to him on the steps, his face blank, soulless. Looking like a shell of the man he was this morning, and that image alone tugged vigorously at my heartstrings.
No longer mad for the way he reacted earlier, I just wanted to help him erase the hurt he was feeling. Opening my arms, I shuffle towards him, but before I can reach him, he dodges my hug and walks straight past me.
“Oliver…” I murmur, immediately following him. “What’s wrong? Look, I forgive you for earlier, and I know that today didn’t go how either of us wanted. A lot happened, but we can talk through it to-”
“I don’t wanna talk-” he blurts coldly before I can finish speaking.
“Okay, fair enough. Can we at least just sit together and de-stress, like we normally do? I could distract you, tell you about my day. LJ and Macy had a beautiful baby-”
“I don’t want to hear about that either,” he cuts me off for the second time, and it’s then that I realise that he hasn’t even looked at me properly.
“Oliver,” I warn, because I’m reaching a point I didn’t want to be pushed to.
“What, Luna? What? I said I don’t want to talk, and yet, you’re still talking,” he snarls, throwing his hands in the air.
“Exc-Look. You don’t want to talk, fine, but don’t start acting like an asshole and treating me like I’m the one who did something wrong.
I understand that meeting your mother in those circumstances wasn’t ideal, nor was the sense of vulnerability you wanted me to see you in-”, but again I’m unable to finish my sentence, because he storms over to his office, slams the door and locks it behind him.
That unbearable weight in my chest grows heavier; the exhaustion from the day plays a part in my frustration, but I try to put it aside and make my way over to his office, then lightly knock on the door.
He doesn’t respond, but I talk anyway.
“O-Oliver, look,” I start, pausing to clear my throat to hide the urge to cry.
“I don’t care who your mother is, nor will I tell anyone who she is if you don’t want me to.
All I know is she’s someone who causes you a great deal of pain, pain that you don’t like others to see, but I promise you I’m not going to judge y-”
“LUNA, for god’s sake, would you just-” he raises his voice through the door, then I hear him inhale deeply, but the anger still seeps through his tone.
“Just go away.” My lip quivers, and I wait for him to take it back.
To open the door and embrace me as an apology, but none of that happens, and the dam inside gets closer to breaking.
I walk away from his office.
I intend to go upstairs once I pass the living room, aiming to cry out my frustration in the comfort of my own bedroom, but instead, I end up exiting through the front door and hailing the black cab that happened to be passing down the road.
I don’t have much awareness of arriving at my destination, paying the cab guy, or even stepping into the lift; it’s nothing but a blur until I walk into the room where Gran, Macy and LJ stop mid-conversation at the sight of me.
None of them says a word either as I collapse into LJ’s arms and sob harder than I have in a while, now surrounded by my family where I feel safest. I let it all go, no longer caring about the consequences and tell them everything.
****
“I never liked that woman. I told your grandad, there is no such thing as perfect.” Gran lies through her teeth, sitting comfortably in the armchair at LJ & Macy’s house.
It had been a few days since I’d come out to my family about everything that had gone on between Oliver and me, including the shocking development of who his mother was.
That night, Gran was so shocked she didn’t talk for several minutes.
After idolising the woman for so long, she surely got over her girl crush as quickly as I did.
Macy and I couldn’t help but roll our eyes as she continued to rant about how much she ‘disliked’ Joan Walters and knew her true colours all along, while Baby Leo slept peacefully in my arms.
“But all jokes aside, what kind of psycho fucker abandons her own child and makes him call her by a nickname? Can you imagine how confusing that was for him?” Macy snaps, shaking her head in disapproval.
Motherhood had launched into full swing, and she was still riding out the last few bursts of hormones leftover. She and Leo came home yesterday, as she needed to stay an extra day after having an epidural, and the catheter was still in.
She then vowed LJ wasn’t getting any more children out of her, but I bet she’ll change her mind again tomorrow, just by looking at Leo for more than five seconds.