46. With Regards from Duat #2
Aleiraah searches for something in my eyes then remarks bemusedly, "You didn’t howl at the moon tonight, calling out for her."
"Because I don't howl wishing she were here," I insist, holding her gaze to convey my sincerity. "My wolf howls in remembrance of a life cut short––a wolf who died far too young."
Aleiraah places her soft palm on my bristly cheek and says softly, "I'm sorry for your loss, Archie."
My eyes widen in surprise and the corners of her full lips turn down at whatever she sees on my face.
"I'm sorry that you lost her. It was cruel of me to suggest using the 'Heart of a Hollow Star' to resurrect her." Her gaze drops and she sniffles loudly. "You never really spoke about her and resentment slowly built up. I can't imagine any of you dying, no matter how ugly things got between us.”
"Oh, Moon…We’ve been unforgivable assholes, but we worship the ground you walk on. You mean everything to us. To me. Without you, my heart simply doesn’t work. I survived losing Belle, but I’d die without you." Turning my face, I press a kiss to her palm. Fresh tears well up in her eyes.
"Tsk, I didn't say that to make you cry, sweetheart." I wipe the wetness from her flushed cheeks with my thumbs and tilt her face up. Lowering my head I look into her bright aquamarine eyes. "You're my heart's mate. The moon to my wolf. And you’re the beating heart beneath our ribs.”
Her pink lips tremble and I smile sadly. “I felt guilty. Unable to save Belle. The memory of her death would often plague my dreams. And all I’d want is to forget the nightmares once I woke up."
"How did she die? You never said." She asks softly, her voice still thick with tears.
I let out a sigh, the helplessness and pain from all those years ago still affecting me.
"She ran into rogues. Wrong place, wrong time.
I was away on pack business and was just returning.
I couldn't get to her in time. They ripped into her.
Belle was not a fighter. And there were too many of them.
" I choke on the last few words and Aleiraah rubs my shoulder in soft circles.
"What about your pack, Archie? They didn't come to her help?" She asks, frowning.
"They weren’t nearby. And I doubt they'd have done anything. They thought she was not strong enough to be an alpha's mate because she wasn't a strong fighter." I scoff bitterly.
"They still treat me like an outsider, so I can imagine how insular they can be." Aleiraah states in a disappointed voice.
"The pack elders think since you aren’t a wolf, you aren't fit to be my mate. They can go fuck themselves!" I growl, making Aleiraah's eyes go round with surprise.
“Belle was accepted because she was a wolf, yet they failed to protect her in my absence.
I only learned after her death that they picked on her.
She never told me, even when I asked. This time, I didn't care. The Moonbite pack can go to hell. I keep them away to shield you from their toxic prejudice. I know you can handle yourself, but this was my way of protecting you. You are my priority, Aleiraah. Nothing else matters,” I say sincerely, looking into her eyes brimming with tears.
"But I fucked up. I was afraid to open myself up to a lifetime of hurt again.
Scared out of my mind to show you how deeply I love you.
Like a fool I kept a part of myself hidden from you.
I realize that now. But you alone have the power to destroy me completely.
And no predator likes to show weakness." I chuckle sadly.
Aleiraah stares at me mystified, her bow lips slightly parted on a soft puff of air.
"I rutted you forcibly, moon-mad, and I’ll regret it for as long as I live.
You asked me why I treated you so, when I never treated Belle that way.
I don't have an elegant explanation. But I think, if I had found her in a similar situation, I'd not have acted so wildly.
So possessively. I was that possessive about you.
I wanted to erase that fucker's scent from your body.
It's no excuse. I know that. But when me and my wolf merged in our werewolf form, all we could think was to make you ours like we were, are yours.
We wanted to embed ourselves inside you.
Went about it the wrong fucking way. Instincts got the better of me.
I am so sorry, Aleiraah. I will apologize forever. If you'd let me."
As I was speaking, her breath hitched when I said I’d not have been that possessive over Belle.
She looks at me in amazement, as if trying to absorb my words into her soul. Emboldened by her quiet patience, I forge ahead.
"My wolf has been heartbroken ever since that night.
Too ashamed to face you. As soon as he came back to his senses after recovering from the bashed skull, he rushed to your rescue.
He was frantic and feared for your life.
I think deep down he shut down afterward, thinking he had lost you.
When he saw you in Duat, healthy and brimming with anger, he was ecstatic.
But by then you hated us, and with good reason.
Tonight he's too angry at the moon and was ready to bark at it instead of howling.
" I smirk and Aleiraah finally cracks a small smile.
A shuddering breath leaves me as I squeeze her soft body to my chest, closing my eyes. It's been ages since I've held her this close, in my arms, safe.
"I love your wolf, Archie. It's the other half I've issues forgiving.
But I think I'm getting there. It’ll take time.
I don't know how long. My pain is not linear.
Sometimes I'm strong as granite, and at others like now, I feel like I'm a bowl of mush.
I'm tired of this hormonal opera!" She scowls, rubbing her soft palm over my heart.
Something loosens inside my chest hearing that she still loves my wolf. Inside, my wolf prances happily, howling with happiness.
"My wolf adores you, Aleiraah. And I love you with everything that I am." I manage on a rasp after a moment. She goes quiet and rests her head on my shoulder.
"I understand, Moon. More than you can imagine. Grief and pain are never linear. But you’re strong. Stronger than all of us combined. And you'll get there. Eventually. Even if I develop creaky knees by then."
She giggles and swats my arm.
Her laughter is a balm to my soul and I tease her a little to rile her up, like I always love to. "And if all fails, I can always claw out my heart so a new one can grow with your name carved on it." I shrug and Aleiraah gasps out loud.
"You’ll do no such thing, Archer Moonbite!" She yells next to my ear making me wince.
"Banshee's curly chin hair! What's with you people?
! Always trying to maim or injure yourselves!
Have I really been living with idiots for a decade?
" A flurry of cute curses fall from her rosebud mouth and my shoulders shake with suppressed laughter as I sway her from side to side, grinning like a lovesick fool.
Sitting butt naked on the dewy grass, semi-hard, with my beating heart safely in the circle of my arms.
I offer a silent thanks to the Moon goddess for giving me another chance with my mate.