49. Incubus Alert #3
But I can also see the flicker of hurt in their gazes. Strangely enough, they don’t sneer at or insult me as I'd expected.
"It seems I can't even feed from anyone directly anymore." I scoff bitterly, looking at the fallen cherry blossoms.
"You kissed him." Baz says miserably.
"Yes. I did." I lift my chin, looking into his eyes.
"Why, Starling?" He asks, the hurt more palpable in his voice. The others seem to be holding their breath too, waiting for my answer.
"Because I wanted to. I was trying to prove something to myself!" My voice breaks and he swallows hard. A ripple of sorrow crosses their expressions.
"Just for a moment I wanted to not feel like something intrinsic is broken inside me!" My voice rises and the color drains from their faces.
"That I can feed from someone without feeling sick to my soul!" I grit out as they keep staring at me, looking shattered.
"Because I sure as hell can't feed from you all!" I end up shouting and they flinch.
"But you can––" Rinn starts gently.
"I can't!" I wail. "Every time I even think about it, I remember your cruel touch.
How every one of you touched me not with love but only with the intention to hurt, to take, to humiliate.
Being restrained like a fucking sacrifice for you all to enjoy.
I felt sullied!" I bite out, my hands clenching at my sides.
The devastation on their faces makes my stomach lurch and I feel like I might vomit again.
"Aleiraah..you're not sullied, Love. You're not broken. You're everything that’s good in this world." Zien whispers earnestly, throat bobbing, his grey eyes glittering with moisture.
I let his words wash over me, but my rage flares. "You had no right to hurt Herouk. None!" I point my finger at him and his jaw tightens as he drops his gaze.
"He was my friend. Is my friend. Someone I still trust. Can't say the same about you all." I twist the knife deeper and they look down at their feet, despair rolling off them in waves.
"All of you took away my safe space, my choice, my will! I'm fucking pregnant because you wanted to mark me as your territory instead of actually avenging me!" I shout at the top of my lungs, eyes burning with unshed tears.
"We're so sorry, Kitten." Silas whispers brokenly, tearing at his hair, his cheeks wet with tears.
Their faces crumble, grief and guilt chasing across their features. It only pisses me off more that it still hurts to look at them.
"Your sorry means NOTHING!" I slash my hand through the air.
"You cannot fix this. I find myself again dependent on the likes of you to survive.
Because my body refuses to listen to my mind.
This unwanted pregnancy from hell has altered my physiology, you cruel bastards!
" I screech, my heart aching so much that I wonder if it'd simply crumble to dust.
They stare at me like I've stabbed them.
"You can punish me like you did in Duat. How many ever times it takes." Alistair whispers hoarsely and I'm shocked that he of all people would agree to such torture.
The others nod, offering to undergo the violation again, the pain in their eyes deep and unguarded.
Shaking my head in disbelief, I wonder how they are even volunteering for such brutal humiliation.
"I'm not a monster!" I hiss and their breaths hitch audibly.
"No! No! We didn't mean it like that, Moon." Archie rasps, panic evident in his pale blue gaze.
The rest murmur, talking over each other to assure me that they're the monsters in this story. That they'd find alternate ways to help me feed. They'd take care of the babies and I won't have to worry about a thing. Apologies upon apologies spill from their lips until my ears start ringing.
"Stop!" I shout and they thankfully quieten down. "A succubus can still feed from others if she's carrying her young. Others who aren't even her mates. But I can't. Because of you assholes!" I snarl, rage quaking in my veins as raw power starts surging through my body.
They stand wordlessly, eyes pleading, looking wounded. "Your fucking essences messed up my body along with that hellish Veilmoon!" I snarl like a wounded animal as Azael takes a step closer toward me.
"Azizam...please. We'll find a way. Just trust us once more." He whispers roughly, his usual arrogance missing.
"Leave me, Azael! If you all ever loved me even a bit, LET ME FUCKING GO!" The scream rips out of me, releasing the energy and emotions that've been building up inside.
The forest buckles. An invisible shockwave hurls the seven backward, scattering them like brittle leaves in a storm.
I freeze, horror flooding my heart. Their bodies skid across dirt and leaves. I stare, shaking, unable to believe what I just did.
My knees nearly buckle. I lost control. I can’t face their bruised, stunned expressions.
I wasn't ashamed when I kissed Herouk. But shame claws up my throat realizing I hurt them again, right after insisting I’m not a monster.
What is this new power ripping out of me like a storm? The magic feels wild, untamed, impossible to control.
Feeling shaken, I turn around and run, unable to meet their eyes, yet again left with more questions than answers.