61. Heartfelt Gestures
Aleiraah
Alistair has been present, in every way, but even after more than a month of returning to our home, I know he’s suffering. Silently.
He tries to tamp down his emotions when he’s near me but I notice the slump in his shoulders. The exhaustion in the curve of his spine and the lost look on his face when he thinks no one’s watching.
I’m afraid he is struggling and bottling everything up. I broach the subject while on a stroll in the gardens with the kids in their baby-carriages.
Baz designed the innovative bassinet-cum-carriage contraption and Archie and Zien helped build it. I’m sure the others had their share of input as well since I heard Archie grumble a few times about know-it-alls.
“Is anything troubling you in particular, Alistair?” I ask tentatively and his attention snaps to me. He had been anxiously scanning our surroundings, no doubt looking for threats.
“No. Everything’s good. You and the babies are ok. That’s all I want.” His response sounds rehearsed.
“It’s not your fault, you know that right?” I touch his arm and a fine shiver runs down his body.
“How can you say that, Delight?” His face crumples. “If I had done something about that vile monster sooner, you wouldn’t have been abducted. Put in danger. All because of me and I couldn’t even save you from her clutches.”
“Hey…hey…look at me, Alistair.” I hold his face between my palms and his lids flutter shut like he can finally relax.
“If not Raine, it would have been someone else. Vroc spun an intricate web, playing us like pawns in a game with rules only he knew.”
Alistair’s expression hardens with remembered anger. “He was a scheming bastard. I only wish we had eliminated him sooner.”
“I know, but eventually, I had to face him. I was his ultimate target.” I grimace.
“If only I weren’t bound by fae laws things would have been vastly different.” He frowns but what he says next shocks me. “I’m not going to take the oath this time, when Sunflare is crowned as queen.”
“What?!”
He nods determinedly.
“But you need to swear your fealty to the reigning monarch.”
“I’m going to defect,” he shrugs.
“You can’t! You’ll be what, a rogue fae? How’s that going to affect you?”
“I’ll not get any support from the fae factions, and barred from fae lands.” He says unaffectedly and I gasp at the enormity of the situation. How can he be so blase?
“What about your magic?”
“Without the connection to fae lands, it will dwindle eventually, but I’m willing to take that risk.” He answers steadily.
“Alistair! That’s…insane. I’m glad Sunflare will be the next queen. She is just and truly cares for the fae. Nothing like Raine.” The few times I’ve interacted with her, I felt she was genuinely good. I can never understand how she and Raine could have been sisters.
“Perhaps. But I have suffered greatly because of the fae oath preventing me from fighting Raine, and, so have you. I’m not willing to take that chance again.”
“I understand, but there must be another way. We’ll have to talk to Sunflare. But before that, when were you going to tell me that you’re planning such drastic measures.”
He looks ashamed and confesses in a low voice. “Last time I involved you, I put you in danger. I practically asked you to shield me from Raine.”
My heart aches for him and I squeeze his hands reassuringly. “You did exactly what a mate should. You came to me. You depended on me, just as I’ve always wanted.”
A flash of regret flickers across his face and he avoids my eyes.
“I’d have leaned on you if our positions were reversed. We are equals, Alistair. Right?” I ask, a little uncertain of his reply.
His gaze immediately flies to me, glimmering with tears, dewy and vibrant green.
“Yes, Delight. You’re more than my equal.
You are the reason I breathe. In the healer’s wing when I thought I had lost you for good, I wanted to die then and there.
If you had not pulled through, I’d have ended my life. ”
“Don’t say that!” Pulling him into a hug I hold onto him tightly.
“I can’t go on without you. The fact that you can bear to touch me after everything is a miracle.” He whispers shamefully and my heart breaks for this gentle soul.
“Listen to me, Alistair. I will say this as many times as it takes––you are the most beautiful soul I’ve ever known.
What happened was out of your control, and it never diminished your worth or tainted you.
You’re still my chosen mate. My husband.
My anchor. Surviving that pain took immense bravery.
But if we are to move forward, there can be no more secrets. Don’t hide things from me again.”
He searches my eyes with unswerving devotion, a tide of love flowing through our bond.
“I vow not to keep things from you again. You are the song in my soul, Delight.” He whispers, kissing my knuckles softly.
“Your fae powers have weaved through our children because you hold everything together. You’re the beating heart of our entire family if I’m the soul.” I tease playfully and he gives a watery chuckle. Glancing at the babies, his handsome face softens further.
Wiping the tears from his cheeks, I kiss the corner of his mouth, because my heart urges me to. “You mean the world to me.”
His breath hitches and he’s frozen for a moment. Then, he crushes me to his chest, burying his face in my hair as a deep shudder rolls through him.
“I love you so much, Delight.” He mumbles as I stroke his wide back, knowing that he’ll also need time to heal but we’ll be ok eventually.
“Me too.”
A day later Alistair invites me for a morning stroll and we take a portal to a beautiful garden filled with fruit orchards and flowering shrubs.
“Where is this place?”
“We’re still in Mytherra. Just a few hours away from the mansion. I’ve built something for you, and the babies when they are a little older, I guess.” He rubs his nape bashfully and I feel giddy with anticipation.
We walk for a while and then, a massive structure comes into view, leaving me speechless.
I spin around, surprised as hell. He looks nervous. “Do you like it?”
He built me somewhere to breathe. To just be.
“Alistair…this is…you built me a magical treehouse.” I confess in a reverent whisper and he beams at me.
The structure rises from the heart of an ancient, silver-barked tree with golden splotches along the trunk.
Its roots drink from deep telluric springs of raw magic that thrum below my feet.
Woven branches bend into graceful arches, as if the tree itself chose to be a sanctuary.
Several curved platforms spiral upward into small havens.
One features low cushions under softly glowing lantern-fruits, another holds a cozy reading alcove.
The highest offers an uninterrupted view of the sky, perfect for stargazing.
Exotic vines trail down the sides, heavy with star-figs, dusk-pears, and flameberries, their colors subtly shifting with touch. When I touch the flowers, they respond—petals unfurling, scents changing to something incredibly soothing.
“Silas is bringing a flock of snowfairies for you. Fuck! I shouldn’t have divulged that!
” He grimaces. I grin and fling my arms around his neck.
He lifts me, cradling me close to his chest. Day by day I become more comfortable being physically close to my anchors.
My heart yearns for their affectionate touches.
Every day they prove how much they cherish me.
They are flawed, yes, but they are mine.
“Do you think we can try to grow exotic plants like we used to in fae tournaments?” I lean my head on his shoulder. He levitates us, vines winding around our bodies to carry us up into the treehouse.
“I’d love nothing more, my Delight.”
We settle into a curved swing made of woven willow branches, reminiscing about the fae contests we won.
Later, Silas joins us. Alistair leaves, claiming Archie needs help—a clear setup for us to talk. I shake my head ruefully, but am quickly mesmerized as Silas releases a flight of snowfairies that perch all over the treehouse.
Their dulcet chirps bring a sense of peace and I close my eyes, lifting my head to soak up the sunshine.
Silas takes a seat beside me and watches me closely.
“I bet your cat wants to perch on a branch and stay warm in the sun, hmm?” I ask playfully and he offers a soft smile.
“He would, but I wanted some time alone with you, Kitten.”
His hair has grown past his shoulders and he looks wild. Untamed.
Nodding, I tuck a long strand of sable hair behind his ear and he almost purrs at my touch.
“You need a haircut. Or maybe you can rock a manbun like Baz.” I smirk and he grins roguishly, but his eyes remain solemn.
“Nah. Only Baz has the swagger to carry a manbun.” He plays along and I decide to get to the heart of the matter.
“Why the sad eyes, Silas?” I cant my head and he exhales heavily, the faux playfulness draining out of him quickly.
“I’m sorry, Kitten. I know you love our babies, your heart is too big not to. But I also know their conception wasn’t…consensual. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did, but I hope they don’t always remind you of that night.”
“Oh, Silas...” My throat feels tight.
“It’s been eating away at me. When you didn’t want to hold them after waking up, I blamed myself. Because of my actions, you couldn’t let yourself be near them.” He swallows thickly, bowing his head in shame.
“No. It’s not entirely your fault. I was stuck in my head, fearing I’d resent them, and as a result I abandoned them. I felt so guilty. But you also know Vroc’s machinations got us here. If you want to blame anyone, blame that fucker!”
His serious hazel eyes search mine for a long moment then he says gruffly, “I don’t deserve you.”
“If you didn’t you wouldn’t be my anchor, silly.” I smile tentatively and he offers a tiny smile in return.
“It’s surreal. You being a soul demon and us your anchors, huh?”
“Yes. And I’m happy that I was reunited with you and the others in this life. We have fought fate too hard not to earn our happiness.”
"I'd fight fate in every lifetime to be with you, fearless one." He winds a lock of my hair around his fingers, smiling softly.
I feel the echo of those words from another life, glad he's here with me again.
“Will the snowfairies stay here permanently? I can bring Snow here occasionally. She’d love having friends.”
A funny look crosses Silas’s features but he shrugs, "Yes. I’m sure she’d love it.”
“You made an already beautiful place so peaceful, Silas. Thank you.” I squeeze his hand and his focused gaze stirs a warm feeling in my chest.
“Anything to make you happy, Kitten.”
Clearing my throat, I break the moment before I do something I regret like kissing him. “I’ve been meaning to ask. Will Ruidhart or Nyxara be the Nightgleam pack’s heirs?”
He shakes his emphatically. “No. None of this heir related bullshit is going to touch our babies. If someone wants to lead the Nightgleam pack after me, they’d have to compete for the position fair and square. I’m getting rid of that fucking tradition.”
I’m surprised as well as impressed. “Wow. That’s a huge change, Silas. Will the pack elders agree?”
“I’ll exile them if they don’t. I’ve had it with their rotting traditions. I don’t want the next generations to repeat my mistakes, Kitten.”
I scrunch up my nose remembering the greedy pantheress who paid for her mistakes with her life.
He chuckles, shoulders shaking as he says, “You know you look just like Ruidhart when he scrunches his button nose.”
“As if!” I push at his shoulder and we snicker, the lush sanctuary and chirping snowfairies brightening the day. Like music returning to a land that’s been quiet too long.