Chapter 15 #2
Lauren shook her head and held up one hand in protest to stop him from speaking. “Just take him to school, Demi,” she said. “I have a client that can’t wait this morning, so whatever lie you’re about to tell, I don’t have time to hear it.”
Her eyes were red. He knew she had been crying and it made him feel like shit. She didn’t deserve this.
“DJ, wait for Daddy in the car,” Demi said.
“Okay, Dad,” his son replied. Demi and Lauren waited until they heard the garage door close before saying one word.
“This is not okay,” Lauren said. “The disrespect. The coming and going when you want to. The bullshit explanations about where you have been. I am not okay with this. I don’t know how we even got here.
Things were fine and then they weren’t, but you need to get your shit together.
My son should not be asking me where you are.
He has never had to question why you are gone all the time.
Never had to fight for your time. Neither have I.
You know he has a game tonight. Are you even going to show up for that?
Or do I need to start looking for excuses to explain your absence?
You know what I gave up to be with you, Demi.
I don’t have anyone but you and DJ. My entire family disowned me because I chased behind you when you were in the streets.
Are you throwing me away now? I chose you and now I’m old news, so you just throwing 15 years away?
Because that’s what it feels like. It feels like you’re abandoning me. ”
“I’ma be there, Lo. When have I ever not been at one of his games?
” he asked. He thought of the promises he had made her over the years.
She had always put him first. She had defied her entire family to run away with him.
When he was worth nothing, had nothing, but a hustle and a dream, she had been patient, while he built an empire.
“I’m not throwing you away.” Guilt forced the lie out of his mouth.
He had never liked to hurt her. Her tears crippled Demi, but he couldn’t help but compare his connection to Lauren to what he shared with Charlie.
He was present for Lauren but even she followed his rules.
Limited touching, designing a life around his preferences.
Their home barely looked lived in it had to be so spotless.
Their life was sterile. Safe. Charlie was a beautiful mess.
Still, Lauren didn’t deserve to be abandoned.
They were family, one that had withstood the test of time.
He had walked into his home with every intention of telling her he needed a break, but he couldn’t do it.
He couldn’t pull out on her. “It’s just work.
Trying to help Day with the company and the street shit and breaking a new artist.”
“Work?” Lauren repeated. “This doesn’t feel like a work problem, Demi. It feels like there is someone else. Like another woman is breaking up my home.”
“I want you to stop worrying. Ain’t nobody breaking up shit.
I wouldn’t let that happen. I’m here, ain’t I?
I’m home, Lo. Look,” he said, blowing out a breath of frustration as he swiped one hand down his head.
“You got your meeting. I don’t want to send you out in the world like this,” he said.
If it were Charlie, he would hug her; he didn’t know why he had so many rules for Lauren.
They lacked intimacy. He was hard with her.
What he once thought was soft was ice cold and callous.
He didn’t know soft until he experienced it with Charlie.
“DJ’s going to be late for school. Go ahead, I’m fine,” Lauren said, wiping her tears away with the back of her hands and rolling her eyes to the ceiling to get them to stop. “If you say it’s work, I’ll believe you. It’s work, right?”
“Just work.”
Demi felt like he was suffocating inside the house and he was grateful when he stepped outside.
He got in his car and pulled off, rubbing the back of his son’s head as he reversed out of the driveway.
“You want to play hooky with your ol’ man today, D?”
He needed his son’s energy. He needed to feel a love that didn’t come with pressure. Charlie came with unspoken pressure because his soul called to her. Lauren came with the pressure of obligation. DJ gave the purest form of love, unconditional, and Demi wanted to soak that up.
“What about Mom? She’ll get mad,” DJ said.
“I’ll handle your mama, boy. Roll with me for the day, bet?” he asked.
“Bet,” DJ nodded
Demi looked down at the football in DJ’s hands. “You remember we used to toss that around at Gundry park?”
DJ smiled wide and nodded his head as Demi rustled his son’s head. “Yup, remember you taught me how to spiral? Now, I’m colder than you.”
“You ain’t got no heat on that arm, boy,” Demi said, snickering.
“Dad, you crazy!”
Demi made his way to the same park he taught his son how to play catch.
“Come on,” Demi said as he climbed out of his car. It was too early in the morning for anyone else to be out, so Demi and DJ had the park to themselves. “Leave ya backpack.”
DJ shed the school bag and ran after Demi toward the open field.
“Go long, ain’t no short passes,” Demi said, tossing the ball up like he was still a 16-year-old football star. DJ went running and caught the ball effortlessly.
DJ ran it back toward Demi, who was guarding him, blocking his path.
“I’m finna juke you, Dad!” DJ said, faking left but going right, only for Demi to scoop DJ into the air and over his shoulder, yelling and growling. He didn’t think twice about touching his son and normally he would have. Things were changing. Charlie was changing him.
“If you gon’ fake out on a nigga, better quit calling your plays.
Never let ‘em see you coming. You hear me?” he said, flipping his son completely over his shoulder and slamming him to the ground.
Demi was rough with everybody, but it only made DJ rougher.
He climbed up instantly, hitting Demi with a punch to the gut before taking off because he knew Demi was out for get back.
Demi picked up the football and launched it, forcing DJ’s legs to work overtime. He dove for it but missed the ball by a fingertip’s length.
“Dang, Dad!” he shouted in frustration.
Demi chuckled and made his way to a bench, taking a seat, leaning over onto his knees.
DJ walked toward Demi, throwing the football in the air.
“You tired already, old man?!” DJ teased.
Demi laughed. “Yeah, man, I ain’t young like you.
You got your whole life ahead of you, baby boy, Daddy got to put it on cruise control,” he admitted.
His son was his spitting image. He was his greatest accomplishment.
He didn’t know love until he had laid eyes on his seed.
It was a bond he cherished, one he prayed over because Demi just didn’t want to fail his son.
He wondered if by failing Lauren, he was inevitably failing DJ too.
“Come over here, let me talk to you for a minute.”
DJ sat next to Demi.
“You good? Everything going good for you at school, champ?” Demi asked.
“Yup,” DJ replied.
“That kid still fucking with you? I had a talk with his old man, you shouldn’t be having no more problems,” Demi said.
“Mommy said you beat him up. I heard her talking on the phone with grandma about how you can’t pick me up no more because you not allowed on school grounds,” DJ said.
“Man, ya mama need to stop yapping on that phone in front of you and ain’t nobody do nothing to that scary-ass nigga,” Demi said, mouth pulling in a smirk of amusement.
Demi had barely touched that little boy’s father.
He had just broke one of his fingers as a warning for what would happen if his boy touched DJ again.
He hadn’t even intended to do that, but the little boy’s dad had dismissed Demi.
Trying to be a tough guy in the barbershop had gotten him punished.
Demi had hemmed the man up in the barber’s chair in broad daylight.
“What if I got you and your ma a fly new spot?” he asked, tiptoeing because he didn’t know how to have this conversation.
“Would you come to?” DJ asked.
“Sometimes,” Demi said, honestly. “Not all the time, though. Daddy got a lot of business to handle. I can’t be home all the time. You getting older. You can hold it down when I’m gone. You think you could handle that?”
“Not yet, Dad. That’s what I got you for. You make sure me, and Ma are safe. So, you have to move to the new house with us,” DJ said.
Demi’s shoulders bricked. He had always wanted to be present for his son.
It was one of the reasons he had made sure to make it work with Lauren because he couldn’t see himself being away from his kid.
He had been a super father over the years.
He hadn’t missed a beat with DJ. He had given his son every fatherly connection he wished his father had given him growing up.
Their bond was solid, but in this moment, Demi felt like he was stuck.
Leaving Lauren felt like the same thing as leaving his son and he couldn’t do that.
He wouldn’t. Charlie wasn’t worth that. No matter how much he loved her. He couldn’t choose her over his child.
“What if I didn’t DJ? If a day came when I didn’t live with you and your mom? How would that make you feel?” Demi asked.
He was praying for clarity. Searching for strength in his son that would make him feel okay about deciding to move out, but when DJ’s eyes prickled, Demi knew there was no way this would not hurt.
Their little family, the three of them, was DJ’s foundation, his sense of normalcy, his confidence, his security came from their unity.
How could Demi divide that? Destroy that?
For pussy? Only Charlie was more than pussy, but was she more than temporary?
“I don’t want that, Dad,” he said. “Everything would be all messed up. You said you and Ma weren’t getting a divorce! That’s what divorced people do! They live in different houses! Are you going to live somewhere else?”
His son was trying to be tough. His chest was poked out, but the tremor in his voice gave away his weakness. Demi pulled his son close. “Nah, DJ, Daddy ain’t going nowhere, man. We just talking. I’ma stay with you and your mom.”
He spent the rest of the morning with his son.
He felt like he had something to apologize for.
The notion of leaving his family was crazy.
His mind told him it was, but his heart, his heart wasn’t even with him.
It was back at the condo with Charlie, waiting for him to double back and retrieve it like it was some item he had forgotten to take with him on his way out the door.
He dropped his son off at school after lunch, and as he walked him into the building, Demi paused, turning to DJ.
“No matter what, I love you, man. Remember that. You’re me without all the bad. You’re made of everything good, DJ. l Iove you and no matter what, I’ma always be here for you. No matter where I am, you hear me?”
DJ nodded and Demi gave him a light push to his head. “A’ight, boy, get to class.”
“See you at my game!”
“Yup, top of the stands, baby boy. You know where to find me,” Demi said. DJ ran back over to him and they did their handshake. Two slaps, pinkies locked, then drop it. DJ took off running down the hall as Demi watched until he disappeared around a corner.
“Fuck, man,” Demi muttered. He didn’t know what he should do. He knew what he wanted to do. He knew what he needed to do, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. For now, he would have to do both.