Chapter 13 #2
“That’s not fair,” Charlie whispered. His tears and hers made a river of love, and they couldn’t swim.
“It’s not. I know. It’s not. None of this shit is fair. His body was so small in that casket, Bird. How am I here, and he’s under the ground? That’s what’s not fair. You feeling a little left out is the small price to pay in all this.”
Charlie was so hurt. Demi felt relief oddly.
So much emotion had been pent up inside him, and this fight was like the draining of an infectious wound.
It hurt so bad, but it was the only way he could even start to heal.
“I’m in love with you, baby, but this is all I got to give you right now, though, and it might not be enough.
My baby boy broke me. I just got to get through this. ”
“You will and I’m praying for you, just like I been praying all week,” Charlie whispered. She removed the ring from her finger and set it on the nightstand. “But we won’t.”
It was like Charlie was moving in slow motion as she made her way to the master closet.
When she pulled out a suitcase, he realized that she had thought about this.
This wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision that had come during this argument.
She was leaving him. He was losing her, and as she walked down the hallway, Demi felt the world narrowing in on him.
How the fuck had this happened? They were just happy.
They were just celebrating their engagement and their pregnancy.
She had said yes to marrying him. They were supposed to be stronger than this.
He was going through one of life’s toughest seasons.
Why was she throwing in the towel so easily? Demi felt betrayed. He felt abandoned.
“Bird! Fuck you mean? Put your shit back, baby,” he said, pulling the suitcase from her hands. “You not leaving me, Bird. Just listen to me.”
Charlie shook her head. “Fine, keep the clothes. You bought them anyway. I don’t want anything else from you.”
“What the fuck, man?” Demi was having a meltdown.
This couldn’t be happening to him, especially not right after the death of his son.
His life was unraveling more and more as each day passed by.
“What I’m supposed to do without you?” Demi asked as he damn near chased behind her.
He couldn’t even believe these were his words, but he loved her too much to let her leave without a fight.
“What do you want me to do, Bird? Just name your price!”
When Charlie rounded the corner and found Lauren sitting awkwardly in their living room, her feet stopped moving.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Charlie scoffed. “What is she doing in my house?”
“Believe me, I don’t want to be here,” Lauren said.
“Lo, mind your business!” Demi said sternly, but he couldn’t even lend her a gaze. His eyes were locked on Charlie.
“Why is she here?!” Charlie shouted. “She has free rein to walk into my house whenever she wants, but I can’t come to pay respects at a funeral?
” Charlie was so mad that she jabbed Demi’s ass.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You see how you let another woman just make the rules for you? That’s not supposed to fuck with me? ”
“She got me out of jail, Bird. It’s at least two feet of snow on the ground. She couldn’t drive back home,” Demi explained.
“So you invited her into my house?” Charlie asked. “After she humiliated me today? After you both made me look like a fool?” Charlie was so emotional that she was hyperventilating from crying so hard.
“Bird, I’ma need you to calm down, baby, you’re pregnant,” Demi said, lowering his voice and grabbing both of her hands. Charlie sobbed as he pulled her into his body. “I know, baby. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Bird.” Lauren rolled her eyes as Demi embraced Charlie.
“You make me feel like I’ll never measure up to her! Like I’ll always be the side chick that comes second to your family!” she shouted, pushing against him. “Just let me go!” She snatched away from him, embarrassed and frustrated, retreating to the half bathroom.
Demi blew out a breath of overwhelm. He knew the situation was tense and a bit inconvenient for Charlie, but he didn’t know it would turn out this badly.
He expected to have some ass-kissing to do, some spoiling to indulge in, and some reassuring to provide, but had he done enough for her to leave him?
His son had died. She was too emotional to reason with.
Or was he too emotional to empathize with her?
He couldn’t tell at this point. They were both on different ends of the spectrum of crazy, and they were out of touch with each other’s emotions.
The heightened stakes that had been thrown into their lives had turned them into enemies.
Death did that. It uprooted every piece of normalcy that existed in a person’s life.
It picked off scabs to wounds that were supposed to be long healed.
DJ’s death had unearthed an insecurity in Charlie that he didn’t even know existed.
The locked door made him panic. His son had cut himself in secrecy behind a locked door just like this, and in the state Charlie was in, his mind went to the worst-case scenario.
“Open the door, Bird!” he shouted. He rattled the door handle.
He wanted to snatch the door off the hinges, but instead, he leaned his head against it.
“Bird, just talk to me, baby. You said you been wanting to talk. I’m right here. ”
Lauren sighed and came to Demi’s side. They shared so much passion that she couldn’t help but feel resentment. She also felt pity.
Lauren knocked on the door lightly.
“Charlie, I know I’ve been hard on you. I want to be sorry for that, but it’s just so fresh.
I can’t apologize because I’m not sure if I should be apologizing or not.
All I can do is be real with you. Woman to woman.
I didn’t want you at DJ’s funeral because…
” Lauren paused and swallowed the lump in her throat.
Demi looked at her bewildered, unsure if Lauren was making things better or worse.
“Because of so many reasons. I blame you for breaking up my family. I blame you for my son feeling like he lost his daddy. I’m so damn jealous of the way Demi is with you… ”
Shock cut across Demi’s face and Lauren shook her head.
“I hated when I found out you were pregnant, and now that my son is gone, I can’t even look at you.
It feels like he’s replaced. It feels like you’re living the version of a life I should have had with Demi and that hurts.
I didn’t want to be the only parent grieving our son at his own funeral.
Demi gets another chance at parenthood with you.
I needed him by my side today. I couldn’t let you be there.
I couldn’t stomach it. I’m not saying it’s right; it’s just how I felt, and I hope you never have to experience it to be able to relate.
I needed Demi to be my child’s father today, not yours.
It was harsh, and I’m sorry if you were hurt by that, but it’s a mother’s worst nightmare.
I know I need to work out my feelings somewhere else because Demi is who I should be having these hard conversations with.
It’s not on you. I know it’s not on you, deep down.
You are just a trigger for me. This is your house.
You’re right. I shouldn’t have come here after the way I treated you.
If anybody should go, it should be me. You’re pregnant, and I’m not trying to be the reason anything happens to another woman’s baby.
Please come out of this bathroom. Locked bathroom doors feel very fresh to us right now.
It’s too soon. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt. ”
Demi damn near held his breath as nothing but silence filled the air. When he heard the lock turn, he breathed a sigh of relief.
Charlie pulled open the door, and Demi was there.
“You’re welcome,” Lauren said as she turned to make her exit. She collected her bag from the couch.
“I’ll brave the snow,” Lauren said. “You two clearly have some stuff to work out in private.”
“Nobody’s leaving here tonight,” Demi stated. “I should have handled you better,” he whispered to Charlie. “Bird…look at me…burn me, baby,” he whispered.
Charlie refused to look at him. She was still so angry. “Lauren, you can take DJ’s room,” Charlie said. She turned to Demi. “And you can sleep on the couch.”
“We got a whole guest room,” Demi said.
“And your ass still gon’ sleep on the couch,” Charlie snapped as she walked by him and headed back to her bedroom. The door slammed so hard that Demi flinched.
Lauren gave him a knowing look. “Guess she told you,” she said, shrugging before retiring for the night.
“She know this couch gon’ tear my ass up,” Demi complained.
“I think that’s her point,” Lauren called out over her shoulder as she disappeared down the hallway.
Demi had never thought the three of them would be sleeping under one roof, but tragedy made a mockery of their circumstances.
He didn’t know how to split his allegiances without offending one or the other.
Tonight, he was just grateful that neither Charlie nor Lauren had left.
He would take the couch, and he prayed for clarity in the morning.
All he knew was that he didn’t want to lose Charlie while honoring his son, and he didn’t want to abandon Lauren and disrespect his son’s memory.
He felt responsible for both women. It was a balancing act beyond his ability, however, and it felt like he was failing them both.