Chapter 10 #2
My hands were still shaking when I reached the line for the restrooms. I shuffled forward, trying not to think about what I’d done, but the kiss was stuck in my head, layering guilt with a quiet desperation to do it all again. And under those layers? Pure “what the F is wrong with me” panic.
When I left my stall, I saw Mirae coming in.
“Wait for me,” she said, hurrying toward the next open stall. “That was so crazy.”
She closed the door, and the girl at the sink next to me caught my eye. I immediately recognized her from the couple we’d joined.
“Worst date of my life. I should have stuck with you and your boyfriend. At least he cared that you were scared.”
She dried her hands. “Wish me luck getting home unmolested.”
“Do you need a ride?” I asked.
“Nah. I’ll be fine. He might not be.”
She left as Mirae emerged. “As soon as the axe man came out, everyone ran, even Len. I’m surprised he didn’t catch up to you.”
“Where is everyone?” I asked.
“They went to hang out by the fire. Sam was waiting for you with the kid from before. He asked me to tell you he’ll meet you at the fire. The kid talked him into another caramel apple.”
“Would you mind skipping the fire?” I asked, desperate to avoid both Sam and Len.
She studied my face for a second and nodded. “Sure. You can tell me why on the way home.”
We both fast-walked to the car, sticking to the center of the lane for obvious, shadowy reasons. I quickly unlocked the doors and got in.
“I’m not going to be okay in the dark for a while,” she said with a laugh.
“Yeah, I’m not a brave person,” I said.
“I don’t know about that. You’re quiet at school, but you always face everything head-on.”
“Not always,” I said, backing out and navigating to the exit. “Len wants to hang out more. He asked if I have plans tomorrow. If tomorrow doesn’t work, he suggested lunch together at school.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“And I didn’t know what to say. Or think. I’ve existed for four years. Why now?”
“Probably because you looked up from your books long enough to notice him.”
“I noticed him years ago when he was dating someone else.”
“And?” she repeated.
“And nothing. He was dating someone else.”
“He’s not now. Are you interested in him? Any attraction?”
My mind immediately went to Sam and the kiss. But Sam was impossible. Or was he? Had the kiss traumatized him or intrigued him? I think I would have noticed if he hadn’t participated… wouldn’t I?
The uncertainty made me want to hide again.
“If you have to think about it that hard, you’re not attracted.”
“Len’s good-looking, and if he’d asked four years ago, I would have tripped over my feet in my rush to agree.”
“But you like Sam now instead.”
“I’m pretty sure he’s gay, remember?”
“You know that people can like both sexes at the same time, right? It’s called bisexual.”
The possibility broke my brain. Why hadn’t I thought of that sooner?
If he were bisexual, did that mean I had a chance, or did he only see me as a friend?
Only one person had the answer to that, and the thought of facing him to get that answer made my palms start to sweat.
Too soon.
I needed to wait for the memory of that kiss to fade.
Worry and hope fluttered in my chest, and the embarrassment that was screaming at me to hide in shame was suddenly smothered by an anxious need to see Sam.
Was I bipolar? My emotions felt like they’d been swinging all over the place tonight. Mental health issues were genetic, weren’t they?
“You’re freaking out, aren’t you?” Mirae said.
“You have no idea.”
“I kind of do, actually. Your face is pretty expressive, and you're gripping the steering wheel like you’re trying to strangle it.
“Liking someone, or not, isn’t the end of the world. Len is nice. He might be disappointed that you’re not interested, but he won’t be a jerk about it. And I don’t know Sam, but I think he must be a nice person too if a complete stranger noticed his concern in the haunted house.”
“He carried me through the whole thing,” I admitted.
Mirae huffed a breath. “Clarity, you need to read more romance if that didn’t green-flag him for you. A friend wouldn’t do that. Someone who likes you would.”
She let me think about that the rest of the way to her house.
“Talk to your hot neighbor and figure out if he’s gay or bi,” she said, getting out. “And make sure to tell me Monday. Good luck.”
With a wave, she closed her door.
As I drove home, I realized I was being an idiot. If there was even a chance that Sam might like me, didn’t I want to take it? He was so perfect. What sane girl would pass him up?
Tomorrow, I’d go over to his house, knock on his door, and ask him if he thought Len was cute. His response would decide the rest of the conversation.
Unfortunately, fate decided our talk couldn’t wait until morning. When I turned onto my road, I saw Sam waiting in my driveway, hands in his pockets.
My palms got sweaty again.
Please like girls too, I silently chanted as I parked.
The streetlight barely reached our house, casting the driveway in shadow. So, I let out a little scream when my door opened suddenly.
“Sorry,” Sam said, backing up so I could get out.
“Residual haunted house fear,” I said.
“Is that why you left?” He closed the door and faced me, waiting for my answer.
Steadying my nerves with a short, calming breath, I came clean.
“I left because I was embarrassed. Are you gay, Sam?”