Chapter Twenty-One #2
“I always intended to protect you, Elaina.”
“While using me!”
His flinch was almost imperceptible, but he dropped his gaze to the side.
“I wanted you as my omega.”
I stared, mouth hanging open as I sucked in a breath.
“And that makes it better?”
He looked at me again, an odd expression on his face.
“It changes the situation.”
Frowning, I shook my head. He might have felt guilty for what he’d done now, but it didn’t absolve him of it.
“No, it changes yours.”
I didn’t need to say it didn’t change mine. He knew it as well as I did. It wasn’t my fault he wanted to use the new tool and play with it too.
He stepped closer again, but when I tried to back away, I was trapped by the table behind me.
“I wanted both, rethari.”
Growling, I shoved his shoulder and forced my way past him. He could have stopped me, but he let me go, turning to face me as I moved behind him.
“We needed bait to lure the rebels into the open again so we could catch them.”
I glared, crossing my arms over my chest.
“And you wanted a reward for once you’d done your job, like a good boy.”
His wince was more obvious this time and I knew I had been right. That was exactly how he’d viewed me. His prize for a job well-done.
His silence answered better than words ever could, and something inside my chest splintered. Every language lesson, every meal he'd insisted on feeding me, every time he'd carried me because I was tired…
Every teasing smile and sinful touch…
How much of it had been real?
“I was the unwitting bait in a trap that could have killed me.”
Somehow his kethra grew even brighter and he reached for me but froze when I pulled away again.
“You were never only bait. You were my future mate. I will always protect you.”
The words stung but he didn’t see. He kept going, driving the knife deeper.
“I came up with this because I wanted an omega. I’ve always wanted one.”
And that was it.
An omega.
Not a partner, or a mate.
Not me.
Just an omega that belonged to him. Useful, pleasurable, someone to take what they were given and be grateful for it. Omega was the lowest position in a pack of wolves, and I doubted it was different with the Morrak.
“I understand.”
My voice surprised even me. It came out calm, even, and utterly devoid of the hurt inside me that I was trying to crush into oblivion.
Drazien’s brows lowered and he seemed to realize he’d made a mistake, but it was too late. People tended to let the truth slip when they panicked. When there wasn’t time to plan and rehearse an appropriate response.
“I don’t think you do—”
I cut him off before he made things worse.
“Oh, I do.”
I nodded once, the calm inside me spreading ice through my veins.
“You wanted a toy.”
His eyes widened.
“A puppet.”
His kethra were flashing in a way I’d never seen before, but I ignored it. I couldn’t care if he was upset, because I couldn’t care about him.
“No, Elaina.”
“Something useful to satisfy your natural urges.”
“Elaina, it’s—”
“And if it helped catch these rebels...”
I smiled but it didn't reach my eyes.
“...well, that was just efficient.”
Drazien’s mouth hung open for a moment before he swallowed.
“That is not what I meant.”
Sighing, I shook my head, my shoulders dropping a fraction as the wall I was trying to erect trembled.
“But it's what you said.”
He reached for me once more, but I stepped back again. His hand froze in place before falling to his side, and he finally seemed to understand I didn't want him touching me.
Not because I feared him.
Not even because I was furious with him.
Because I couldn't tell which moments between us had been real.
“What has happened between us wasn’t part of the plan.”
I wanted to believe him. A part of me yearned for it so much it hurt, and my hand pressed against my chest without permission.
“I’m sure it wasn’t. It was just a bonus.”
His eyes narrowed, as if he had the right to be angry.
“It was not.”
I had never been one to let my tears show, but the more I repressed the pain, the more it turned towards anger.
“You expected me to trust you.”
Drazien straightened to his full height, kethra settling into the deep violet he always hid behind.
“And I still do.”
A laugh escaped, sharp and bitter.
“But you dismissed me the one time I needed you to trust me.”
He flinched like I’d struck him across the face, and a flare of satisfaction lit my chest. It wasn’t fair for me to be the only one hurt by his secret.
“I made a mistake.”
Huffing, I turned away from him, unable to look at him any longer.
“No, you made a choice. You chose not to tell me the truth about what was going on and my reason for being here. You chose to ignore what I’d said I heard. You chose this.”
Silence settled in the room, cold and painful. I wanted nothing more than to go curl up in bed, but it was his bed, and I didn’t think I could handle him trying to curl up with me.
“Elaina, I regret hurting you. I never meant for there to be any real danger.”
The words were more needles driven beneath my skin, making me feel things I had no desire to feel. I hadn’t come here to become his mate, but the deception hurt twice as much because I had started to think I might want to be.
“I believe you, but that doesn't undo it.”
It felt like the weight of the stone above us was pressing down, driving all the air from the room. My chest ached and my stomach churned, and despite the chill running through me, sweat beaded along my brow and spine.
“Elaina…”
I didn’t need to see him to know he was reaching for me again. His need to touch me almost constantly had become a source of comfort, but neither of us deserved it anymore.
“It doesn't matter now.”
His voice was closer when he spoke again.
“It matters.”
I knew if I looked over my shoulder he would be there, close enough to touch if I reached out.
“No, it doesn’t. I had started to think—”
I cut myself off and laughed at myself before continuing to speak to the wall in front of me.
“I had thought maybe going home wasn't what I wanted anymore.”
Silence pressed in again, but I swore I could feel his confusion. It showed when he finally spoke.
“We have time. I can fix this.”
I huffed at his response. He acted as if my future had already been decided and the only remaining question was when I accepted it.
I knew he would think that, that they would all think it was a done deal, but I’d counted on them being required to accept my decision when I said I wanted to leave since I wasn’t one of them.
Turning to face him, I met his dark blue eyes, holding myself stiff as I drew in a breath.
“Your time is almost up. She said my heat would come in about two weeks, so I have to leave before then.”
The crease between his brows deepened and his kethra shaded towards blue.
“What do you mean?”
Lifting my chin, I dropped my arms to my side, refusing to hide. He wasn’t the only one keeping secrets, and it seemed like it was time to let him in on mine.
“I was planning to leave as soon as I thought my heat was coming. I wasn't going to let you claim me.”
He froze, his chest no longer rising with breath as he stared at me. The only indication that he still lived was his kethra, slowly brightening towards a brilliant blue that hurt my eyes to look at, but I pushed on.
“So, you’re almost out of time, Drazien. Better find the rebels while you still have bait to use.”
I turned and stalked towards the door to the bedroom, unable to hold back the waves of emotion any longer. The silence that followed was so complete all I could hear was the sound of my own breathing.
And possibly a heart breaking.