Chapter 49
forty-nine
We weren’t yet to Eltidian before Aelen began screaming behind me.
Mourn braced beneath us, and I rushed him to the ground. But it was already too late.
Aelen tore at his face, crying out. I wrapped my arms around him, we landed violently, and I tugged him off Mourn's back.
He thrashed in a horrible fit, ripping at his midnight hair until i thought his nails would be blooded. I took him into my arms, trying to squeeze, to hold. To comfort. But his cries broke something in me.
It was like a wounded animal, a hare caught in a trap.
He clawed at his skin as if he needed to get out.
And I sobbed.
It felt like an eternity, but finally his twisting lightened to a breathy shiver.
When I wept again, he looked up.
His horns came away like the shed antlers of a spring buck, revealing smooth, pale skin. It had lost its pallid, sickly appearance, and he blinked bright blue eyes at me. Irises—not pools of void and sapphire—stared back.
I stared into the reflection of the I’phri who had pulled me from the river. Just as fast, the snow began to melt away, leaving tepid pools around us.
I took his face into my hands, grateful he hadn't died, almost not believing he was still here, and that the curse had receded. My fingertips itched to graze where his horns used to sprout. I felt an unusual hollowness at the transformation.
But while I marveled him, he said nothing and stared at his palms.
“He’s gone,” I said, shattering the silence. The trees rustled in agreement.
“They’re both gone.”
Ovatar and Numen.
"I'm sorry, Aelen. I know you loved Numen dearly."
He took my hand into his. "Don't be. He was ancient, it was his time." He forced a smile, but it held the ghost of sincerity. Just a tinge.
“What will happen to Ovatar?”
“I imagine the stars will chastise him plenty, perhaps a few thousand years of torture for what he inflicted on the land.” He paused to lick his supple lips.
“But eventually he’ll be restored to what he always should have been.
A celestial. The stars need him, and we have no use for him down here.
One day he’ll return to sanity where he belongs. ”
I ran a tender finger down his carved cheek, marveling at his handsome features, yet somehow mourning what was. “I missed you.”
He touched his forehead to mine, getting close enough his warm breath caressed my cheeks. “I’ve always been here.”
“But will you always?” I asked, my voice trembling and my mind wandering to what had been done. The reminder of my sins had arrived, of my many parted betrayals.
He laid his palm against mine, slowly entangling our fingers one by one. “I’ll be here as long as you’ll have me. Lorelana, I know why you did what you did, and though I despise it so, I could never hold it against you.”
I moved my head into the crook of his neck, listening carefully until I heard his pounding heartbeat. A small reminder he was here—and alive. “Were you afraid? Angry?”
“Terribly angry. I knew you were baiting me before you left Eltide, and that became extremely apparent the moment you met with him.”
I twisted the dried grass with my free hand, enjoying the feel of something besides winter. “Why didn’t you stop me?”
“Some might say love, others stupidity. I believe it’s some delightful combination of the two. I hated that I’d be forced to face him again, but I loved you far more than I feared. Enough that I’d let you fool me again twice over.”
I leaned into him and enjoyed the quiet forest until we peeled ourselves from the ground and walked the rest of the way back to Eltide hand in hand.
As we got close to the city, and the now dripping spires formed in the distance, he tugged me from the path into the forest where the branches caressed our shoulders. His touch was similarly gentle when he found my hips and tugged them closer.
“Remove your shoes.”
So I did, laying them against the trunk of a tree beside his. He parted from me, but let his fingers linger on the raised flesh of my arm as long as possible, until the dry trees overtook him. The crisp wind caught his hair and tugged it around him like an ebony crown.
“Why don’t you wear a crown?” I asked mindlessly.
“Lords wear crowns—people who command those beneath them. I am but a guide. Someone sent to help, not to force.”
He smiled, and undid the clasp that kept his cloak wrapped around his shoulders, letting it fall to a pool at his feet, then he did the same with the formal blouse beneath.
I ran a finger down his chest, and I swear I saw a flash of blue beneath his pale skin. But then he rolled his shoulders back and took to one knee. “This is our forest,” he whispered up to me. “And it must be restored.”
He clawed at the ground until the dry hay popped up between his slender fingers, and let the sapphire seep from them.
It swirled like a whirlpool, spreading across the forest floor.
With it, the dried grass withered away, and emerald shoots replaced the desiccation.
The new growth cascaded across Eltide, dipping across the hills, and swirling up the trees.
Gnarled branches sprouted waxy leaves, filling the desolation with new life.
Once he finished with his show for the wood, he turned to me and undid my cloak before guiding us back to the city. We walked barefoot and left the heavy winter clothes to rot on the forest floor.
The days passed like leaves falling into a still lake, but there was always more to do. There was never enough time, and Aelen despised being indoors. So when he cornered me and asked if I’d attend a picnic, I obliged.
The grass itched at the soles of my feet, and I pulled them back onto the long cotton quilt. The breeze bobbed the surrounding carmine colored blossoms, their thorny branches dancing. Somewhere in the distance, a cardinal sang, but the song felt hollow.
“What’s on your mind?” Aelen asked, breaking the silence and making me jump. “I’ve never seen you so down, this is meant to be a happy time.”
I rose and plucked a scarlet bloom, earning a small prick which I quickly stuffed in my mouth. When I handed it to Aelen, he seemed reluctant to accept it.
“Couldn’t they be any color but crimson?” I mused.
His look softened, and he slid closer. “Is this about your brother?”
I squeezed his hand in a wordless acquiescence. “I think somewhere along the way, I thought if I fixed this, everything would go back. I’d return to Ilyatria, and he’d be there—alive.”
“We cannot go back. But when I took my memories, they had the brushstrokes of your father’s memories. I know where they put Deldren’s remains. We could give him a proper burial in Eltide… if you’d like.”
Hearing his name sent a shudder across me. Having someone speak it who wasn’t myself—that was a warm hug I didn’t know I needed. When he embraced me, it squeezed away the pain that had been brewing inside since they dragged me into those dungeons.
“The highest get buried in the Courtyard. It’s where the kings of times past go when they die.”
“Do you think he wishes to reside under cobblestones?”
“No,” I said instantly, surprising myself just as much as Aelen. I imagined Deldren being out in the forest and forever resting under one of the stretching wyre trees, beneath their blooms for eternity. “He’d like to be in Eltide. But I want to choose where he goes.”
“Of course, you may lay his grave wherever you desire along with a monument, but I don't want you to shatter yourself to pieces over him. May I tell you a story?"
I nodded, squeezing his hand as a silent agreement.
"Once upon a time, in our very real world, the Starsingers created us.
You, and me, and the ground we walk upon.
But in doing so, they gave themselves. They spread their remains along the stars, sprinkling their memories across the horizon so we might always remember them.
And then, in a dying breath, they made the dragons to carry their wishes down below. "
"That's beautiful."
"But are they gone, Lorelana? Or can you see them when you gaze up at the sky?"
"I can." I swallowed, swiping away the hot tears forming at the corners of my eyes. "But how do I know Deldren is there? How do I know there's anything at all?"
He took my cheeks into his hands, grasping me as if I were a crown—something fragile and wholly precious. "We don't."
I gaped and let out a startled sound. "I don't understand."
He took my hand and placed it over his heart till his frantic beat thrummed in my fingertips.
"We don't know if they're there. We never will, not until we join them.
But I know every time you look at letters, you'll think of your brother.
And each time we look at the castle, you'll think of him too.
Ovatar stole my people. He ate their souls and I fear they are no more—not among the stars and nor down below, but I have their stories.
I carry them on, and you'll carry him on too.
" He pressed his lips to my forehead, inhaling my scent, and must have been trying to cover the shiver in his voice.
"We'll carve a stone, and etch their names. Never lost, but no more pain."
"I can't promise no more pain."
"Perhaps not today. But one day… one day we'll look back and remember them with smiles."
He turned to me and cleared his throat thoughtfully. “And as for the future—”
“I know I need to return to Ilyatria. And I will, I just need time to mourn…”
“Do not defend yourself to me. If anyone in this world understands, it’s me.” He sighed and let his breath roll across my cheeks. “But you’re correct, they are in desperate need of your return.”
“They need me like you need the Starsingers.”
He swiped my tears with his thumbs. “We need the starsingers. But that wasn’t what I referred to. Though I’ve been allowing you to hide in Eltide, and I’m aware of your people’s need…” He seemed to lose himself in the forest.
“But?”
His gaze finally found mine, now a melted ice that invited me in. “But I have a question.”
“Surely I have an answer."
He smiled, his bright eyes crinkling. “If you only asked, I would restore the bridge to unite the kingdoms… and what’s left of our people. They need each other.”
I let out a tired laugh. “But that’s not really a question. Of course we should unite the kingdoms. How can we build a monument without them joined?"
“That wasn’t my question, but I’m glad you agree. The bridge will be restored, but what of us?”
I laughed a boisterous sound, and it bounced off the bending trunks. “I forgave you, you know that, just as you forgave me. We burned each other, and must live with the scars.” And live with them, I would.
He lifted my hand to tangle our fingers together like a vine. I thought it might never come undone like one, either. “I’m uncertain how to word this, so I’ll simply come out and ask. Would you marry me? Swear fealty to me in the I’phri way?”
The wall of my chest fluttered like a swarm of butterflies lay beneath it. "What?"
“I can’t just let you cross that bridge without a promise to return.
Without you, there is not a single star in the sky.
Without you, there might as well be nothing at all.
” He ran his fingers down my cheeks, his touch as soft as new leaves.
"If we swear ourselves to each other in this way, I can give you more life, some of my life.
I wish for you to have it. You won't live forever, but longer to carry on the stories of the lost."
"Longer to forge a new path," I finished.
His lips lifted into a bittersweet smile. One that mirrored my own. "Exactly."
"Is this another pact?"
"Better," he said lifting my chin. "It's a promise."
I could sit in the warmth of the wood, lying on the forest floor, and contemplate whether this was a good idea. Though I could think it through a million times over, within a split second I already knew my answer. It fluttered up from my excited chest and vibrated across my tongue. “Yes.”
A thousand times over, an incalculable amount of yeses. “I can’t think of a better future.”
He beamed as he wrapped his free arm around my waist and pushed me to the ground beneath him. His large, muscular form eclipsed the sun—and in that moment, I realized he was my moon. Always there, never leaving, never changing.
My Aelen.
“We should return you to Ilyatria then, promptly, so that reconstruction and planning may begin. It will be a long way forward.”
“Promptly?” I repeated.
He ran his tongue down my cheek before meeting my lips. His embrace was tinged with pain, love, and boundless longing. But finally, he departed my lips only to whisper five simple words. “Perhaps after a brief delay.”
His greedy fingers roved across my body to undo any clasp that might keep our skin separate. And when he bared my flesh, I shuddered, but not from the chill, from the warmth of his touch and the comfort it provided. But mostly, it was because I’d never have to go without it again.