Chapter 18
THE LAST STRAW
Maverick
Iwake up with a splitting headache. I remember the Uber ride home and sending a text message, and I have a very vague memory of a phone call.
I grab my phone from the nightstand and check my recent messages. I sent one at eleven thirty last night, and not long after, I received a phone call from the same number. I think I’m supposed to meet Clover at her office.
Drunk texting is never a good idea.
I drag my ass out of bed and get ready for morning skate.
I’d back out, but I could use the extra ice time, even though I feel like a bag of shit, and I don’t play much better.
At least it’s just a few guys looking to run drills.
Kody asks if I want to grab breakfast with him, but I make up an excuse and tell him I’ll catch up with him later, like we planned.
I head directly to the English building and take the elevator to Clover’s office.
Her door is ajar, and she’s already at her computer.
It looks exactly the same as it did the last time I was here.
But everything was different then—the boundaries hadn’t shifted yet.
The cranes I’ve left in class are now sitting on the windowsill.
I don’t want to read into that, but it’s hard not to.
Her hair is down, falling in loose waves around her shoulders. She’s wearing black pants and a long, tunic-style shirt, topped with a pink cardigan. She looks gorgeous. And tired.
I knock on the door, my stomach in knots.
“Come in.” She rolls her chair back as I step into her office.
“Morning, Professor.” I’m on the fence as to whether it’s a good one or not.
“Why don’t you close the door and have a seat?” She motions to the chair beside her desk.
I do as she asks, glad I left my backpack in my truck so I feel less like her student and more like her equal.
“I’m going to be totally honest and let you know my memory of last night’s call is pretty foggy.
” I grab a tissue from the box on her desk and start folding it even though it’s not great for origami.
“Did I do or say anything I shouldn’t have? ”
“No.” She shakes her head, and her gaze shifts to the side. “Why is your memory foggy?”
“I might have had a few drinks.” I tap the arm of the chair. “Did you say anything you shouldn’t have?”
She circles the rim of her coffee cup with a single finger, her focus there. “I called you, and I probably shouldn’t have.”
“Because I’m still your student.”
“Yes.”
I don’t think it’s worth pointing out that I won’t be for much longer. It’s a sticking point with Clover, and while I’d like it to be different, I get why it’s not. “I probably asked this last night, but as a refresher, why weren’t you honest about your ex not actually being your ex?”
She folds her hands in her lap, and her bottom lip slides through her teeth. “I’m waiting for him to sign the divorce papers. We haven’t been a couple for almost a year and a half, so I don’t consider us together, or married, even though he does.”
“Is he someone I should be worried about?”
“In what sense do you mean?”
“He was at your place yesterday morning and again in the evening. I saw his car when we drove by on the way home from my game last night—not on purpose either.” At least that time.
I set the finished crane on the side table and grip the armrests.
“And I’m sorry I ran by yesterday. I was on autopilot and not thinking about the route I was taking, not consciously anyway. ”
She nods, as if she’s putting together the pieces of last night’s puzzle.
“He said he wanted to talk yesterday morning, and I wouldn’t make time for him, so he took it upon himself to show up again in the evening.
I had hoped he would sign the papers, but that wasn’t on his agenda.
I became frustrated, and so did he. He enjoys playing mind games, but I’m not concerned for my safety. My annoyance level is another story.”
“What kind of mind games?”
She picks up the crane and settles it in her palm. “He likes to twist words and actions. He’s very good at manipulating.”
“It doesn’t make me happy that he’s showing up at your house unannounced, then.”
“That makes two of us. If I felt unsafe, I would say something, but I’m more frustrated than anything else.”
“Okay.” I don’t know that I feel any less on edge than I did before I walked through the door, just for different reasons now. “I’m not big on playing games, Clover, so if I’m waiting on the end of the semester for no reason, just tell me.”
She’s quiet for a few seconds before she says softly, “I don’t play games either.”
“Okay.” I push out of the chair. “Not long now, and we can stop doing this dance.”
She smiles faintly, even as her throat bobs with a nervous swallow. “Good luck on your finals.”
I open the door and check to make sure the hall is empty before I leave her office. I guess we’ll see how it all plays out once my grade is handed in.
A few days later, I’m sitting at the kitchen table, reading over my final story for my creative writing class one last time and shoveling cereal into my mouth when Lavender walks in. I expect Kody to be two steps behind her, but he isn’t.
“Where’s your boyfriend?” I ask as she opens the cupboard and pushes up on her toes, trying to reach the Lucky Charms. I’ve intentionally pushed them back so they’re hard for her to get to.
I also put the stepstool on top of the fridge. Is it a dick move? Yup. But it’s entertaining to watch my pint-sized sister get irritated on occasion.
She glances over her shoulder and gives me a look. “You mean your best friend?”
“Who is now your boyfriend.” I shovel another spoonful of cereal into my face.
She turns around, crosses her arms, and gives me her unimpressed look. It’s the same one our mom gives when I dress up bananas in the costumes she makes and leave them around the house. Lavender doesn’t say anything. Just keeps staring.
“He is your boyfriend.”
“He’s been your best friend since you two could make spit bubbles.”
“He’s been in love with you since he understood the concept,” I fire back. I don’t know why I’m in super dick mode, other than I’m stressed.
“I thought you were okay with this.” She pokes at her cheek with her tongue. “You’re the one who invited him to live here when their kitchen blew up.”
“I am okay with it.”
She climbs onto the counter, nabs a box of cereal, a bowl and a spoon, and crosses to the table, dropping into the chair across from me. “You two need to spend more time together. Without me around.”
“We play hockey together every day.” I can feel my ears going red, though, because this is the same conversation I had with BJ, and Lavender picking up on it too means I’m the common denominator in the problems here.
“That’s not the same. The whole team is there. He says you’re hardly around anymore. And every time he tries to do something with you, you bail on him.”
I’m about to argue, but then I realize he has been making an effort.
Like the other day when he asked if I wanted to have breakfast after our morning skate, and then I ended up blowing off our plans that afternoon.
We were supposed to run drills in the backyard, but I wasn’t in the right headspace for it, and I couldn’t be honest about why. “It’s finals” is my lame excuse.
She pours cereal into her bowl and tops it with milk.
“I get that maybe you two can’t talk about”—she makes sexual hand gestures—“or whatever anymore, because that would be really fucking weird, and we already have enough of that with Mom and Dad and the banana costumes and Gigi and her always giving me sex toys, but it doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t hang out together.
” She pokes around in her bowl of cereal, dunking marshmallows.
“If you’re upset that we’re dating, say something to him about it.
Deal with it. He and River have managed their issues, as much as they can anyway.
Punch each other in the kidneys if you need to but avoiding him and me isn’t going to fix the damn problem.
He misses you.” There’s a sadness in her eyes I don’t expect.
I frown. “He said that?”
“It’s been implied a lot lately. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Kodiak isn’t the most socially adept human being on the face of the planet.
His friend group is pretty damn limited.
And as much as I love him and love spending time with him, I need some balance too.
And I actually can’t deal with the hockey talk.
” She sighs. “So please, deal with whatever your feelings are and spend some time with your best friend so I don’t have to listen to a forty-five-minute breakdown after every single game. ”
I make a face. “He does do that, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah. He does.” She rolls her eyes. “Most of the time I try to shut him up by sitting on his face, but it doesn’t always work.”
I choke on a mouthful of cereal, spraying it across the table and my notebook. “I did not need to know that, Lav.”
“Whatever. That’s for all the times I’ve had to deal with the sound of your flavor-of-the-month banshee-screaming her love of your cock when I’m forced to walk by your room.
Although . . .” She lifts a finger. “I haven’t heard that for a while.
Like, a really long while. So you’re either dating someone exceptionally quiet in bed, or you’re on a hiatus.
Or whoever you’re seeing has her own place. ”
I stuff more cereal into my mouth instead of answering.
“Or his-their own place,” she adds.
I give her a look.
“Just checking. River’s finally learning to accept himself. You never know.”
I’ve recently come to find out that Lav’s friend Josiah has been low-key sucking face with River for most of the semester. None of us was surprised to learn River was gay. It was the fact that he’d been secretly dating one of Lavender’s friends that was the shocker.
“Do you think he’ll come out to Mom and Dad over the holidays?”
Lavender lifts a shoulder and lets it fall. “I don’t know if he’s there yet. I guess we’ll have to wait and see, and give him some nudges to help him get there.”
She shoves her hand into the box of Lucky Charms and withdraws a handful, picking out the marshmallows and dropping them in her bowl. “Anyway, back to you and Kodiak needing to spend more time together. Last week, he made me put on goalie equipment so he had someone to practice with.”
“He lives with Quinn and BJ. Either of them can shoot the puck with him.”
“Eh.” Lavender makes a face. “I think you’re the only one who will put up with his super Type-A-ness. Anyway, over the holidays, you two need to spend some time together so I can hang out with Lovey and Lacey without it being awkward.”
“Why would it be awkward?”
“Because Kodiak has been tagging along on our girl adventures, and it’s hard to shop for some things when he’s with us. Plus, we can’t talk sex tips when he’s there either.”
“Right. Okay. Noted. Spend time with Kody over the holidays. Why isn’t he here right now?”
“Because he needs too many rewards when he’s studying, and I don’t want lockjaw or a broken vagina going into exams. You’re welcome for the overshare.
I have several more years of this before we’re even Stephen.
” She pushes back her chair and stands, ruffling my hair on her way past me.
“Love youuuuu!” she shouts as she skips up the stairs.
I consider how absent I’ve been lately, the way I’ve been brushing off Kody, the way I’m always hoping no one’s around when I come home. Lavender’s right. I’ve been scarce.
Kody isn’t big on confrontation, especially when it comes to me. Mostly because he’s felt a lot of responsibility for how messed up Lavender was when they were kids.
Maybe we’re more alike than I thought.
My story isn’t due until tomorrow, but I want to hand it in early, if possible.
So after I finish my read-through, I get myself together and head out.
I don’t usually have much in the way of test anxiety, but today is different.
Once this story is handed over, I’m in the final stretch of being Clover’s student.
The invisible barrier that’s been between us in the form of her ethical dilemma should cease to exist soon.
I’ve sent her an electronic copy, but I’m handing in a paper one as well.
I have it time-stamped by the English office before I drop it in Clover’s mailbox.
And then the wait begins.
That afternoon, I shoot the puck around in the driveway with Kody when we need a break from studying, and I play video games with River, BJ, and Quinn when my brain can’t handle more information. But time feels like it’s moving backwards.
I have two more exams, and I’m aware that final grades aren’t due until after the exam period has finished. I know better than to reach out before the grades have been submitted.
Thankfully my last exam happens to fall on final exam day, which means I have a reason to stick around campus right to the end.
On Friday afternoon, when exams are done, I fight the urge to stop by Clover’s place.
Instead, I end up at the bar with a few of the guys from the team.
Even Quinn shows up for a bit, but he’s scarce this semester, only around for hockey, and otherwise locked in his room studying.
He had a breakup awhile back and I don’t think he’s getting over it.
His one mistake in the form of Bethany early in the semester seemed to be the beginning and the end of things on the dating front from what BJ tells me.
I order a beer and nurse it, watching the clock. Since I passed over my final creative writing paper at the beginning of the week, the grade should be in by now, even though the deadline isn’t until tomorrow.
I glance around at my teammates to make sure none of them are paying attention to me as I pull Clover’s contact up on my phone. I don’t know what protocol is here. Do I wait for her to reach out? Is she waiting on me?
I open the thread and see humping dots, indicating that she’s composing a message. I wait for something to come through, but the dots continue to hump along the screen until it goes blank again.
I send a message of my own:
Maverick: ?
I don’t know if this is a standoff or what, but I’m tired of waiting. And really, I can’t see her being the one to step over the line. It has to be me. I throw a twenty on the table and leave the bar.