Chapter 17 #2
“I don’t necessarily think that they are going to do anything to you.
I trust myself—no one else. You might not like it, but I protect you, not Charlotte.
I am not Ronan; I won’t do everything you say all the time.
Most of the time, yes—but not if it puts you at risk or in harm’s way.
Now, if you had been dumb enough to try to deal with this yourself like you said, then I would have no choice.
I would have gone because you did. Besides, your boyfriend is already gone.
He didn’t wait to see if I was going to show up. ”
“What makes you think that?”
“He knows that you are the priority, and he would never leave you right now without one of us here to protect you. Never.”
I didn’t say anything. I knew I was being difficult.
I felt guilty that Alexander took her to begin with.
It was me he wanted—not her. Even all the shit I had to deal with because of her, didn’t add up to half of this.
She didn’t deserve this, and she was probably terrified.
What if we never got her back? What if he killed her because she wasn’t me?
I can’t do this right now. I headed into my bedroom and opened the drawers to see what they left for me. I found a pair of sweats and a tee. I opened another drawer and found undergarments. As I was walking into the bathroom, I noticed that Maddox was still standing in the sitting room.
“Why don’t you order food? I’m getting in the shower.” I shut the bathroom door and turned on the water.
When I exited the bathroom, I was in fresh clothes and had clean teeth. Maddox looked as though he had taken a shower too.
“I ordered food; it should be here shortly.”
I sat down and picked up the remote, turning on the television. I was flipping through the channels when there was a knock at the door. Maddox answered it and Christina pushed a cart into the room. Maddox thanked her and she exited the room.
I got up from the couch and walked over to the cart. I pulled the dome from one of the plates revealing rich, golden mac and cheese with fried chicken.
“It smells so good. I’m starving.” I removed a second dome to reveal a large Cobb salad with grilled chicken. The third plate was lasagna and garlic bread.
“Which one did you order for yourself?” I asked Maddox.
He picked up a silver carafe from the cart. “I will be partaking in a liquid diet tonight, so you can eat whatever you like. I can eat what you don’t want if I get hungry.”
I scrunched my nose and carried the plate of chicken and mac and cheese to the couch.
“What would you like to drink, Joslyn? The fridge is fully stocked.”
“Can I have a water and a soda, please?” I answered before taking a bite of the chicken. He set the drinks on the coffee table in front of me and handed me a napkin. “Thank you.”
He nodded and went to work pouring the contents of the carafe into a large, metal insulated cup with a straw.
He sat down next to me on the couch, picking up the remote.
I hadn’t landed on anything yet to watch.
The food sidetracked me, and I lost interest in the television.
Maddox found a rerun of Golden Girls and set the remote down.
“Did my grandfather introduce you to the girls?” I said, pointing at the TV.
“Maybe I introduced him to them,” he said, smiling.
We ate while we watched the show. When we were done eating, Maddox excused himself to use the restroom. I collected the dishes and placed them back on the cart. When he returned, he wheeled the cart back into the hallway for someone to pick up.
“So, what do you want to do now?”
“Ronan isn’t anywhere near Louisiana yet, I would imagine,” I said, wishing I was wrong.
“You are correct. He has to meet with the team when he gets there and figure out if they are going to need reinforcements before they make their move. They shouldn’t, but if they do, there are the guys we have that live in Louisiana. They can get there quickly to assist.”
“Are you worried?”
“I don’t worry. Am I confident that they are going to get the job done? Yes, I am confident.”
“Well, I hope you’re right. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to her.” I sat down on the couch and Maddox sat next to me, muting the television.
“You would survive. It would hurt like hell, but you would survive. I think that you have the potential to be hellbent on revenge. That could serve you well, put a fire in your belly.”
“We have spent our whole lives together. She was the one who never listened to anyone. If by chance, she did listen; you could bet it wasn’t someone she should be listening to.
I don’t want to get my mom or aunt involved because they would just worry.
I try to keep her safe because God knows she isn’t going to do it.
But this? This is my fault; they wanted me, not her.
She was caught in the crossfire—guilty by association.
She doesn’t deserve this, and if something happens to her, I won’t forgive myself.
She didn’t put herself in this danger. I did that.
” Tears started streaming down my face. “Why is it always you when I fall apart?”
Maddox put his hand on my cheek, forcing me to look at him. “It’s because you feel safe. That means I’m doing my job.”
“Oh yes. I feel totally at ease sharing my shame with you because you’re so great at your job.
” I jumped up from the couch and stormed off to my bedroom.
I slammed the door and crawled into bed.
Maddox knocked on the door. “Consider yourself off duty,” I yelled from under the blankets. “So, essentially, you can fuck off.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.” He yelled back.
“Do I? I don’t really know you at all. I do know that I feel at ease with you, but maybe that’s a false sense of security. I mean, I am just a job.”
“You are the only job at the moment. And all I do is work. From the moment you and Ronan showed up, I knew there wasn’t going to be much of a break. I went from being with Ray to being with you.”
“I’ve never seen you. If you were with my grandfather all the time, then how did I never see you?”
“You weren’t around when I was. I was there when the situation was dicey, and that would mean that Ray had sent his family somewhere else. Can you open the door, Joslyn?”
I got up and opened the door and immediately returned to the bed, lying back down. Maddox climbed into bed next to me and leaned back against the headboard. He put his hands behind his head and relaxed on top of the blankets.
“Look, Jos. I don’t know what you want from me.
I flirt with you; you flirt back, and then you shut me down when I make a move.
You tell me that Ronan is not your boyfriend.
You made it pretty clear to him that he isn’t your boyfriend.
Or at least that he is skating on thin ice where a relationship outside of work is concerned.
I’m completely certain that he is well aware that if he doesn’t come back with Charlotte very much alive and unharmed, there is no personal relationship going forward.
I feel bad for him, to be honest, but at least he knows where he stands and what is expected of him.
I, on the other hand, am not sure what you expect from me. So, I default to work.”
“Is it possible for you to understand that I am not sure what I want?”
“Fuck, that’s the one thing I am one hundred percent certain of.
I have been around for a long time, and I completely understand that you have been through a lot in the last few weeks.
Your grandfather died, and you were insanely close to him.
You found out that everything you were ever taught about monsters is a lie.
They very much do exist. Not only that, but then you are told you have to choose whether or not to be part of a world that you didn’t believe existed at all up until now.
Your grandfather left you this choice and didn’t educate you about it at all.
” This man paid attention. He didn’t just listen. He understood.
“Then your cousin gets kidnapped twice, in two different countries. They are after you, not her, and they may just kill her for not being you. I kind of think that would be a lot for anyone. You are handling it well, even if you don’t think that you are.
There are a lot of people talking at you and not telling you a whole lot while acting like you are allowed to know anything you want.
I am the only person talking to you, and only when you ask me to.
I am trying really hard to not just be another voice or noise in your ear getting drowned out by the screaming of your own thoughts and feelings.
Instead of fighting to be heard, I am the one sitting with you quietly in the dark. ”
I just stared at him for a long time, studying his face looking for any sign of a lie. Could I trust him? My brain could argue, but the rest of me already trusted him.
I sat up on the bed and, without looking away, I got up on my knees and threw one leg over him, so I was straddling him.
I put my hands on either side of his face and pulled him to me.
I kissed him gently at first, and then I deepened the kiss, opening my mouth as I felt his hands run up my back under my shirt.
He pulled me closer, leaving no space between us.
Everything about this felt both right and wrong.
Right, because it did feel like he was the only person who saw me.
Even when he didn’t agree with me, he didn’t announce it to the world—just me.
It sort of felt like he was the only person who was paying attention.
Wrong, because I was possibly giving Ronan the impression that we were together.
Besides, I don’t think he had me pegged as the girl who sleeps with every guy I come in contact with.
“Joslyn,” Maddox said, pushing me back slightly. “I’m not sure that we should be doing this until you’re sure what you want.”
“I have never had a guy question me at this point,” I said, completely breathless.
“You have also never had a guy worried about how you are going to deal with it after. I feel like you don’t need one more thing to deal with.
Trust me, I’m worried about you. I could do this and deal if you decided to run back to Ronan when he returns with Charlotte.
Would your guilt eat you alive?” he asked, smiling.
“You know that worrying about my wellbeing isn’t making you less attractive, right?”
“Oh, I am well aware of that. To be honest, I’m banking on it.” I slapped his chest and rolled off of him, repositioning myself in the bed.
“Well, if nothing is happening, you might want to return to your own room.”
He began laughing and without any warning, he was on top of me.
The kiss took my breath away, and if I didn’t know better, I would have thought it was electrically charged.
I kissed him back hard. His tongue massaged against mine as his pelvis pushed mine into the bed.
I clawed at his back, wanting more. As quickly as it began, it stopped. I opened my eyes, searching for him.
“Please, let me know when you know what you want,” he said, smiling smugly from the doorway.
I grabbed a pillow from the bed and threw it at him.
He laughed loudly as he shut the door. It took a while for sleep to find me.
I just kept thinking about kissing him and feeling his hands on my skin.
The thought of him left me aching. I wanted to touch myself, but he was in the next room, and what if he heard me?
What if he walked in and saw me? The thoughts running through my mind were doing nothing to help me sleep.