CHAPTER SIXTEEN
JOSH
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I stand near the marble island in Cassy’s kitchen drinking a glass of water, waiting for her to come downstairs.
I slept with a client.
I should be more disappointed in myself, but I’m not. It was the best damn sex of my life. I had to tear myself away from her and have a shower. The truth is, I want to go back up there and climb back into bed with her.
But I should leave.
My team is positioned around the property, and her cameras are being monitored from BHS headquarters. So there is no reason for me to be here.
My cock thinks otherwise.
I fill up my glass one more time.
Even though it’s my third fucking one and I’ll need to pee a dozen times before morning ends.
“Oh, you’re still here,” a sweet, sexy voice behind me says.
I turn to see Cassy wearing cute white sleep shorts that show off her toned legs and a matching white tank top. She looks far more innocent than she did forty minutes ago, with her legs anchored over my shoulders and her mouth begging me for another inch of my cock.
Fuck, her pussy is addictive.
She’s the right kind of tight and seems to be permanently wet for me. It makes me think I can slide inside her whenever I want.
Cassy wouldn’t say no.
I wouldn’t withhold pleasure from her if she begged.
But I’m going to have to find a way.
But her question slightly irritates me. Does she really think I was just going to fuck her and leave without saying goodbye? It might be clear that I’m not the cuddly type, but she is still my client, and we still have a business relationship to uphold.
Even if I was the kind of man interested in a relationship—and I’m not—we can’t date right now. She has a stalker, and I’m tasked with protecting her.
And I’m never ever putting myself in a position where I could lose a woman I love and lose myself.
Never.
In case that wasn’t clear the first time.
Yes, I’m aware that makes me closed off and I’ll be alone, blah, blah, blah. I’ve heard the damn lectures from everyone.
Being alone is the fucking point.
If only Finn had made the same choice, he would be here with me today. But he didn’t. He fell in fucking love and then died.
Finn, my twin brother, joined the SEAL program at the same time as I did. Our father was worried that we’d end up resenting each other if one of us didn’t make it.
That never happened.
We both got our stripes.
And even if one of us had failed, which was unlikely, we would have supported the other. Finn and I were as close as brothers could be.
Even when he met Kaylee and fell in love, the two of us remained close. I loved Kaylee along with him.
Just not romantically.
It took a lot of conversations to get our commander to put us on the same SEAL team, but in the end, they agreed the pros were bigger than the cons.
So, I was with him the day we arrived back on US soil and the officer walked toward him with that expression in his eyes no one ever wants to see.
We’d been talking shit, planning to kick back with some beers, but upon seeing the officer, we simultaneously slowed.
Then stilled.
Without words, as I saw the man shift his eyes to Finn. I moved closer, giving him my strength as the officer spoke.
It was like we were in a tunnel, and everything echoed.
“Kaylee has been...car accident...drunk driver...she was dead. The baby...”
What baby?
I had glanced at him in question, but his dead gaze back told me he didn’t know she was pregnant. Later, Finn learned Kaylee was going to surprise him with the news.
She never got the chance.
Finn had dropped to his knees right there in the hangar and screamed. I felt it in every cell of my body. If I was his other half biologically, Kaylee was his heart.
And she had his.
I dragged him home, got him drunk, and made phone calls to find out what had happened.
It wasn’t good. Kaylee hadn’t died instantly. The driver had fled the scene and left her bleeding out with both arms broken and one lung collapsed.
Finn had screamed at the doctors to give him all the details. Over and fucking over again. Demanded to see her body. All the photos. Like he wanted to torture himself.
Which worked.
But it also tortured us and her family.
Then when Finn found out the name of the offender, I spent two weeks restraining and monitoring him so he didn’t hunt the guy down and kill him.
God knows, I nearly did it myself a time or two.
The day the driver was charged in court and given a six-year prison sentence was a day I’ll never forget.
Finn was quiet.
Too damn quiet.
Dad told me to let him process everything now it was over and to give him space. I should’ve trusted my instincts. But I was grieving too, so I dropped Finn home and left.
That was the last time I saw my brother.
Ten years ago.
Well, that’s a lie. It was the last time I saw him alive.
The next day, I found him lying on his bed with a bullet in his brain and his weapon beside him.
The same day the world took my brother from me, I swore I’d never fall in love and let it destroy me as it had Finn.
I should never have left him.
I had lost my best friend and brother.
I threw myself into the SEAL program heavily after that. I was twenty-six and full of regret and anger.
I stopped looking for my version of Kaylee and from then on women were just a wet pussy to fuck. I never hurt them, but I never let them believe I was offering anything but pleasure.
Sometimes not even that. Some nights, I needed to be rough and selfish. Which was what I had expected when I peeled Cassy’s clothing off.
But it hadn’t happened.
She stirred something in me that had no place to exist.
My experience had made me a powerful and impenetrable warrior. My commander called me up a few times to check on my mental health.
“Don’t get suicidal on me, Hawke. I need you on this team.”
“No, sir!” I’d replied, and I meant it.
I’m living for the both of us. I have to, there’s only me left. But I learned from his mistake and remained focused on the job.
Hearts are not good decision makers. More people should learn that and save themselves a lot of pain.
So that’s what earned me the title of cold-hearted asshole. But I’m still fucking breathing and walking on this earth, so I don’t give a shit.
Cassy is a damn threat to my hard shell. Her scent, her tight ass, her beautiful green eyes. Her vulnerability.
When I found myself gazing into her eyes as my chest swelled with emotions, I knew I had to get the hell away from her.
While every step tore at me.
Cassy didn’t follow me into the shower, and I knew she was aware I’d closed the door on what we’d done. But I did say we would put it behind us after.
I hadn’t lied.
Now she’s standing in front of me, surprised to see me. Jesus. To insinuate I’d just zip up my pants and leave is insulting. I’m a man of honor. I’m a goddamn Navy SEAL.
Settle down, Josh.
“You think I’d fuck you, then walk out the front door without a wave goodbye?” I ask.
Cassy wraps her arms around herself and shakes her head. “No.”
“You’re my client, Cassy. We still need—”
“Client. Right.” She walks into the kitchen, grabs a glass, then fills it up.
I should go—there’s nothing more to say.
Say goodbye and leave.
Cassy’s hand visibly shakes as she lifts it to her mouth. Most people wouldn’t notice. I notice.
I feel my chest do that annoying tight thing it does when it comes to this woman being protected. Which is all the damn time.
“You’re worried,” I say, and her eyes dart to me. “About Isaac.”
Cassy lifts her shoulder. “Yes. But as you say, there are men outside. I’m safe. You can go.”
No.
Apparently, I can’t, because I find myself taking the glass out of her hand and pulling her into my arms.
“I’m staying.”
Shit.
That was not the damn plan.