CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CASSY
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“Join us for dinner,” Scarlet says to Ryder. I can tell she fancies the blue-eyed, blond wall of muscle.
How is it that I want to climb Josh like a tree, but Ryder does absolutely nothing for me? Well, not nothing. I’m not dead inside. He’s an extremely good-looking man. Those crystal eyes of his are stunning.
He doesn’t make my girly bits jump for joy the way Josh does. Even when I’m mad at him.
And I am mad. Well, I’m hurt if I’m being honest with myself. Plus really annoyed with myself for thinking it was anything more than great sex.
It was so great.
Sigh.
Now it’s time to put my own barriers up and make sure I don’t fall for those broody eyes and stupid smirks.
“There’s plenty,” I say, pulling the chicken out of the refrigerator.
“Ladies, it’s been a dream. I know more about hair, sex, men, relationships, female hair removal, and panty liners than I ever wanted to.” Ryder thumbs over his shoulder. “I will be out speaking to the team and checking in with HQ.”
Scarlet and I share a look, then start laughing as Ryder walks with speed out of the room.
Today was hilarious.
Ryder was a lot easier to wind up than Josh, and my entire team and my customers adored having him there.
Of course, Scarlet was the instigator. The salon is small enough that one dirty conversation can get the entire room involved.
And it did.
It put a smile on my face, which I appreciated after how my day started.
Despite the newly built barriers around my heart, I still checked my phone a handful of times to see if Josh had messaged me. He hadn’t.
Neither did Isaac, which was a blessing. Until Ryder said it wasn’t necessarily a good sign. Then apologized when my face paled.
He offered to take the phone from me as Josh had indicated but I refused. What if he did reply to apologize? Again, stupid. Of course he wouldn’t.
Does a man like him know how to apologize?
I should never have touched you...
Wow, what a thing to say to a woman he’d spent the evening with, gazing into her eyes while slowing making her come. Then he gave me whiplash with his next comment.
If Ryder touches a single hair on your—
When I’d said, let me go, and he’d responded with that’s the fucking problem, I lost all ability to understand him.
He was up front with me in the beginning. He said he couldn’t touch me and that should have been a red flag.
Men like Josh don’t settle down.
Even if they feel something for you.
His ability to close down and walk away is a skill I don’t have. But I’m going to try.
Because falling for Josh Hawke is only going to end in disaster.
I should never have touched you...
He can keep his regrets to himself.
And his mitts.
“God, he’s beautiful,” Scarlet says, shaking her head as we hear the front door close.
“You fancy him. I knew it.” I nudge her shoulder.
“Who wouldn’t? But I’m just admiring the scenery. I could never sleep with a man prettier than me.” Scarlet takes the chicken from me and begins to prepare her grandmother’s not-so-secret-anymore recipe.
She offered to come over and make it for me tonight because it’s one of my favorites and I happen to have a fresh chicken in the fridge. I said a big fat yes.
Trixie messaged me earlier to see how Ryder had fared in the salon. I FaceTimed them to show him with his arms crossed as he stared down at one of my clients who asked him about doing away with one of her relatives.
“No ma’am. We don’t do that kind of work,” Ryder had said, his eyes darting over to me.
I had a feeling they might.
But Trixie and Parker were giggling on the other end of the phone and Scarlet was egging the client on. “Ask him where they hide the bodies.”
“We are a private security company, not the f...the mob.” Ryder scowled.
“Right. Securrrity,” Scarlet said, using her hands to do brackets.
“That poor man,” Parker said, before they said goodbye.
Despite the long day, knowing that Isaac could be in California, and Josh was avoiding me, I was doing okay. I was safe. I had amazing friends. My dad was still alive and cared about me. My business was thriving.
And tomorrow we could win at the Salon of the Year Award.
Life was good.
Isaac would be caught eventually. I just had to ride this out. Then get over my crush.
More than a crush.
I was still not willing to admit that in just a few days, I had formed feelings for my Navy SEAL that had no place existing.
I should be more worried that Isaac could be climbing a damn tree or trying to get past the Black Hawke Security team. But I wasn’t.
Well, I was, but I believed Josh when he said to trust him and his team.
I begin making a salad and smile at Scarlet. “He is pretty, but not as beautiful as you.”
“You’re my BFF, you have to say that. He probably has a girlfriend. Or ten. Anyway, enough about me, now that I finally have you away from Josh, I take it you slept with him.”
Shit.
I don’t look up from the tomatoes I’m slicing.
“Knew it! Trixie owes me twenty bucks,” Scarlet exclaims.
“You bet on me sleeping with Josh?” I ask.
“God yes. Easy money babe.”
I fish-mouth it for a minute. “How...fuck. Is it super obvious?”
Scarlet nods. “Especially after seeing Ryder doing his bodyguard stuff today.”
“What does that mean?” I frown.
“Ryder didn’t follow you with his eyes the entire day. Josh did. He barely took them off you.”
I jut out my hip, waiting for more of an explanation than that.
“Josh is”—she twirls a spoon in the air—“intense. His eyes run up and down your body like he wants to eat you.”
I bite my lip.
He does. I know that look and it makes me all warm inside.
“You know, I get the feeling he’d kill for you, or if any man who came near you.” Scarlet sighs. “It’s both terrifying and erotic to watch.”
I turn away from her because I am not sure how to react.
“It’s his job,” I reply too firmly.
The fact that I have felt the same thing when he’s with me doesn’t mean a thing anymore. Telling me he should never have touched me was a stab to the heart.
He won’t breach my safeguards that are now firmly in place.
“But you did sleep with him.”
I nod but don’t look up.
“Wait. Cassy? Do you like him? Like a lot?” she asks.
“No,” I reply over cutting the tomatoes. “Yes. No. Oh, god, Scar, I do.”
I turn, horrified with my admission, and she drops her spoon in the bowl.
“Bad timing babe. You have a stalker after you. Can you not fall in love until after we catch the bad guy?” She asks with such seriousness I let out a laugh.
“You are insane, do you know that? God, Scar, I messed up. Josh said he regretted it. So—”
“Ex-fucking-scuse me? He said what?” Scarlet snaps and shakes her head over and over in disbelief.
“You can’t say anything. Promise me.” She nods, but I know she’s lying. “Promise me, Scarlet Wood.”
“Fine. I won’t. But did he really say that? What were his exact words?” She asks, turning back to the dish.
“He said, and I quote, ‘I should never have touched you.’” I groan.
When she’s silent, I glance over. I can tell she’s formulating a plan or something dangerous, and I start to worry.
Then she lifts her eyes.
“I need context. Tell me more.”
So I do. Letting out a sigh, I tell her everything.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
And about the cute kitten climbing up his legs and how he caught it and my heart swooned. And I think that was when my heart exploded open, and now I can’t help but wish I could be with that damn man every single day.
And night.
“He has wounds.” Scarlets decides. “Someone hurt him. Something’s happened. What we need to do is find out what or who. Then make him realize you are the love of his life.”
I shake my head.
“I’m not. And I’m fine with that. I don’t really know him, I just...” I trail off because I’m not sure what I want or where I thought it might lead to.
“Want to have his babies?” Scarlet’s eyes glisten.
“Like you said, first let’s get Isaac back in prison. Then I can get over Josh. I have my own issues with letting people into my world. Josh was forced upon me because of the circumstances. We had chemistry. We both let down our guard and now we have to backtrack. That’s what this is.”
It's not love.
––––––––
LATER THAT NIGHT when Scarlet and Ryder had left, I peered out my bedroom window and watched the three-armed BHS men. There are more out back.
I climb into bed and reach for my Kindle, then stare at the same page for ten minutes.
I miss Josh.
Now that I’m alone, I can admit it.
Not the sex. Not even how safe he makes me feel.
I miss the way he tries hard not to smile, the way he stands stupidly close to me, how he opens every door and stands aside so I can walk first. How his huge muscular body feels like a barrier between me and the rest of the world, how his deep intense eyes pull me into his.
Every time.
How he took up most of the bed and pulled me up against his chest and would just stare down at me.
Like I was his world.
Like I was way more than he could voice.
And how I’d fall asleep wrapped in a sense of safety, knowing Josh was there.
I roll onto my back and close my eyes.
I should never have touched you.
Sadness fills me. Josh might regret what happened between us, but I never will.
I meant what I said to Scarlet. I’ve never let a man into my world like I did with Josh.
I don’t trust easily, but we were forced together and almost immediately his powerful dominance breached my walls and I let him in.
Because it was him.
I take a moment to appreciate that while it was a silly thing to do, I’ve shown myself I can open up and love someone. I just need to choose the right man to let in.
Someone who would never regret touching me or loving me.
Just as I’m drifting off to sleep, my phone vibrates on the table near my head. My eyes flick wide open.
Oh god, what if it's Isaac?
Pressing them closed again, I pull the covers over my head and ignore the entire world.
I’m exhausted.
Quickly, I fall deep asleep.