February 17 | Monday #7
“He was asking for it,” Alden stated, still chuckling.
Will was about to intervene in their exchange, but then something occurred to him.
This was probably the first time he had seen Blake laugh.
Alden looked so relaxed and… human. He would probably be offended by that description, but ever since Will had learned the truth, it was hard for him to treat Blake the same way.
At first, he thought it was a matter of knowing that Blake was a vampire, but Liam was a werewolf, and Will didn’t have that problem with him.
And he finally understood why. Liam was warm (figuratively and literally—almost like a portable radiator), while Blake was distant and unpleasant.
It was much easier to categorize him as an Other.
Moments like these, though brief, convinced Will that Blake did have human reactions after all.
“Can you manage on your own?” Liam asked.
Will smiled uncertainly.
“Yes,” he said, not wanting to cause them any trouble.
“Great,” Blake stated, sliding his hands into his coat pockets. “We’re going,” he ordered, then left the room.
Liam started to follow him, but Will, unable to stop himself, ran up to Liam and stopped him halfway.
“Could you… stay?” he asked shyly. He felt embarrassed, but he was genuinely scared. “It’s late anyway. I’d make up a bed for you and everything… It would be a little easier for me.”
“Sure,” Liam agreed without hesitation.
Will smiled gratefully.
“Just don’t tell him,” he asked in a whisper.
“Don’t worry. I’ll go out with him for a moment and be right back, okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
Today, he had learned that he had support not only in Liam, but also in the usually unapproachable Blake.
He wasn’t alone.
January 10 | Friday
Will was heading to his next class when Norma appeared at his side.
“Hey, Paradox,” she said, grinning cheerfully. “How’s your day going?”
“Great. Thanks for keeping my trauma alive,” Will said sarcastically.
“You don’t look particularly traumatized,” Norma remarked, and she was actually right.
Will was sleeping with the lights on, sure, and reacting with a touch of hysteria to every suspicious noise, but someone had tried to kill him just a few days ago.
He should have been afraid to leave the house, constantly looking over his shoulder, paranoidly analyzing everything that had happened, and generally falling apart, but he felt…
good. Surprisingly good. Especially during the day and in the company of other people.
“Which is great, because I can take you on the next mission without any worries.”
“Mission…” Will repeated with amusement. He felt like he was joining the ranks of some secret agents.
He was about to say something else, but just then he spotted Oscar standing a few feet away, leaning his shoulder against the wall while talking to some guy.
Will instinctively slowed his pace, and when he was next to Oscar, he said cheerfully:
“Hey, Oscar.”
“Hey,” Norma chimed in.
Oscar turned a distracted gaze on them.
“Oh, hey,” was all he said before continuing his conversation.
Will felt an unpleasant pang in his chest.
“So… what’s the deal between you two?” Norma asked once they were a little farther away.
“What do you mean?” Will asked defensively.
Norma rolled her eyes.
“You know what I mean.”
“It’s good.”
“Seriously? This is good? You were just telling me you were at the romantic-and-erotic-texts and wild-groping-on-the-couch stage, and now he greets you like you’re a distant acquaintance.”
“And how is he supposed to greet me? I can’t expect him to throw his arms around my neck.”
“Will, he looked at you like you were a mildly interesting part of the scenery.”
Will felt his lips twist into an involuntary grimace.
“He was just busy,” Will said evasively, not wanting to drag out the topic any longer. He felt hopeless enough even without Norma’s commentary.
“Yeah, with a fascinating conversation with Rick Carter, who lost all his gray matter after he got on the football team and still hasn’t managed to find it.”
Will didn’t answer, hoping that would end the subject, but Norma wouldn’t give up.
“Are you okay with being treated like that?”
“Of course I’m not okay with it, but what am I supposed to do?” Will hissed, unable to hide his anger. “Desperately beg for his attention?”
“Ask him if you two have something serious going on?” Norma suggested instead.
“Which is desperately begging for his attention.”
“Seriously, Will? So you think that you staring at him whenever you pass in the hall and checking your phone every five minutes hoping he’ll text back to a message he’s probably been ignoring for hours…
” A few days. “…is totally okay, but openly addressing the most obvious issue under the sun is somehow beneath you?” Will turned red with shame.
He had no idea he was coming across as that pathetic.
“Let him tell you what’s what. Maybe he cares, he just doesn’t know how to go about it.
Or maybe he doesn’t. And if that’s the case, you’ll feel like shit, sure, but it’ll be a hell of a lot better than you’ll feel after a few more weeks of telling yourself this is going somewhere. ”
Will wanted to disagree with Norma, he really did, but everything she said made sense, and what’s more, it hit him so hard that he couldn’t get her words out of his head. He mulled them over for the next two classes until he finally concluded that he really should make things clear.
During the lunch break, he spotted the table where Oscar was sitting and headed in that direction. Oscar was with a group of friends. They were all laughing and engrossed in conversation.
“Oscar.” Will practically cut someone off mid-sentence, but he needed to get his attention.
Oscar turned a surprised gaze on him.
“Yeah?”
“Can we talk?”
“Now?”
“Mhm,” Will confirmed nervously.
Oscar glanced at his friends, and for a moment Will had the unshakable feeling that he was going to refuse, but he finally smiled faintly and replied, “Of course.”
They left the cafeteria and went into an empty classroom.
“What’s up?” Oscar asked immediately. Only now did Will notice that he, too, seemed a little anxious.
“Do you want to be with me, or are you just treating me like some guy on the side you mess around with sometimes because you don’t have your eye on anyone you’re actually interested in?” Will blurted out in one breath, his voice trembling.
Oscar was speechless.
“I don’t understand,” he finally said, smiling awkwardly.
“Yes, you do,” Will countered firmly, annoyed by his reaction. Oscar’s expression immediately fell. “You’re not stupid. You know exactly what’s happening between us. And you know what a guy thinks when you text him all day for weeks. And how he feels when you suddenly stop.”
“We came back to school. I’ve been busy.”
“As busy as you were all last year? Remember that first party where we hooked up? We were supposed to hang out after. Exchange numbers. I waited, but the subject just sort of fizzled out. You either didn’t have time, or you came up with some excuse, or you avoided the conversation…
And just when I was starting to accept it was a one-time thing, that nothing more would come of it, the second party happened.
And you showed interest again. And then the scenario repeated itself.
And again, I was about to give up when another opportunity came along.
And so on. I have the impression… and correct me if I’m wrong…
that you don’t actually want to be with me, but at the same time, you plan to keep me interested.
And I get it. To some extent. It’s just that I didn’t really expect it from you.
You don’t seem like someone who enjoys playing with other people’s feelings. ”
For a moment, there was complete silence in the room.
“I’m sorry you think that of me,” Oscar finally said stiffly.
“And that’s it?”
Silence.
“So it’s the second answer, then,” Will stated with a bitter smile. “I get it.”
“It’s neither of them,” Oscar countered.
“There’s no such thing as neither of them,” Will scoffed. “Either you want something more serious, or you only want one thing. There’s no room for half-measures in this kind of thing.”
“I like you,” Oscar said quietly, avoiding his gaze. “But I don’t think I can.”
“Can what?”
“Be with you.”
Will felt as if someone had kicked him in the stomach.
“Okay.”
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
God… That cliché line, too!
“Sure,” Will replied mockingly, because Oscar was obviously lying.
The problem wasn’t the perfect-in-every-way Oscar. The problem was painfully average Will, or rather, the fact that someone like Oscar would never take him seriously.
Considering the conversation over, he headed for the door.
“I… I’m really scared.” Will was about to leave, but something in Oscar’s voice—a helpless note—stopped him. Pausing, he looked back at Oscar. “I’m scared of being with you or anyone else. I’m scared of what will happen when I get involved again.”
“And what can happen when two people want to be together?” Will asked, failing to see where he was going with this. “Either they decide they’re a good match or that they’re not.”
“Or one of them goes missing. Maybe even worse.”
“What are you talking about?”
Oscar took a shaky breath.
“My ex-boyfriend… Brad…” he began, his voice breaking.
“We were together since we were thirteen. I wanted to study in New Wing, but Brad wanted to stay here, so I stayed too, for him. And then… right before we started at BHA… actually, at the very beginning of the summer… he disappeared without a trace.”
Will was shocked. He hadn’t expected to hear anything like this.
“I’m sorry,” he said sympathetically, moving closer to Oscar. “I’m really sorry.”
He touched his shoulder comfortingly. Oscar looked like he was about to fall apart.
“But what does that have to do with us?” Will asked. He was aware he wasn’t being very subtle, but he wanted to know what this was about. “What are the odds that your second boyfriend will also go missing?”
Oscar smiled sadly.
“High. I’m unlucky.”