8. Love Rollercoaster
CHAPTER 8
LOVE ROLLERCOASTER
(DECLAN)
Today has been the weirdest day for me. I had no real intention of sleeping with Tiff, but when she begged me to do it, I couldn't resist. I've spent the rest of the afternoon regretting it. I knew it was too soon or that maybe it should never happen at all, but I gave in to the temptation. Now I know what the forbidden fruit tastes like, I don't think I will ever be the same again.
Her reaction afterward made it clear that I've made a mistake and hearing her say exactly that was painful. At the same time, she’s been looking at me since then in a way that she never has in over a decade of friendship. It's as though with her Ben blinders off, she can finally actually see me.
Stop it, Declan McLean.
I give my head a small shake and try to focus on the movie she's chosen for us to watch. It's hard when she's so close to me and if I thought that choosing to sit in separate seats would somehow make it easier for me to be near her, I was sorely mistaken.
She laughs at a joke in the movie, and I don't think I've ever been more grateful to hear a sound in my life. It reminds me that all I want is for her to be happy. If that means never getting to fuck her again, then I'll survive as long as I get to keep her in my life and see her laugh like this.
I push away these thoughts and do my best to enjoy the movie, grinning as the two male models thwart the plot to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia. By the end of the film, I'm laughing along with Tiff and she grins at me when the credits start to roll.
"I'd forgotten how funny that movie was."
"Me, too." I chuckle as I think about the tiny center for ants and grin back at Tiff as I ask, "Want something to eat?"
"Sure." She nods.
I have to resist the urge to take her hand in mine as we get up from our seats and head to the kitchen. I didn't give the staff any instructions, but I can see that the fridge is stocked with vegetables and meat, so I begin to take out two chicken breasts to grill for our dinner.
"Want me to make us a salad?" Tiff asks .
My heart beats faster as she appears at my side in front of the fridge. "Sure."
She smells like roses the same way she always does, and I'm immediately treated to memories of being buried deep inside her on the sofa. I step back quickly and spin on my heel to walk over to the bench with the chicken.
I take a deep breath and wonder how the fuck I'm meant to forget what we did as I begin to prepare the chicken. Tiff starts making a salad, and my heart hurts because I realize this is what I've secretly wanted for so long. I've wanted to be the one who got this side of her. The everyday mundane things like making dinner together. I've taken the scraps I've been given. I've tried to make it work with other women, but there was never any doubt in my mind that Tiffany Carter was the woman I wanted to be with. It's strange to be able to admit this to myself and I feel guilty for doing so, despite what Ben did.
We make dinner in relative silence, until Tiff finally speaks. "Which plates do you want to use?"
She indicates to the dinnerware my parents have stored away and I give her a wicked grin. "Use the good stuff that Mom would kill us if we broke it."
"Feeling reckless?" she teases me.
I look her over from head to toe, the same way I've done a thousand times in the past, and tell her, "You could say that. "
At once the air is filled with all of the unsaid things between us. The fact that I've loved her for years and that I would give anything for her to be mine. Reckless or not, I know that now is not the time for me to tell her any of that.
She swallows heavily before she blinks a couple of times and nods at me. "Okay. Good stuff it is, then."
I take the chicken out of the oven and put it on the plates Tiff has gotten out while she dishes up salad. We both turn away from the bench at the same time and Tiff elbows me in the stomach, then stumbles backward with the salad bowl in her hands.
Instinctively, I reach out and grab her elbow to steady her. She stands upright, far too close to me, and stares at me with wide eyes. Both of us are silent and the air is filled with the sound of our breathing, hers just as heavy as mine is, arousal flowing through me just from this small amount of contact.
"Sorry," she murmurs.
"Not a problem," I assure her, trying my best to just be her friend, but strongly having to resist everything inside me that says I want and need her to be so much more than that.
She sets the salad bowl back on the bench, still looking up at me, then wraps her arms around my neck and presses her body against mine. I inhale sharply before she presses her lips to mine. I close my eyes and revel in the sensation of having her in my arms as I pull her closely to me. I don't allow myself to think about how wrong this is, I just feel how amazing it is to be kissing the woman of my dreams.
I have no idea how long it lasts before Tiff pulls herself out of my embrace and repeats, "Sorry."
I'm still lost in the sensation and arousal of kissing her and I don't have a clue how I'm meant to respond to her apology as she picks up the salad bowl once again and steps around me to go back to the fridge.
"It's okay, I guess?" I say, still not certain what exactly is going on here right now.
She puts the bowl in the fridge and then turns back to me. "I shouldn't have done that."
"Tiff, what are we doing here?"
The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them and she frowns at me. I can't help but frown back at her and I'm so annoyed that we had the best sex of my life and she seems to think that it was a bad thing. Now she's kissing me, which is giving me hope that she wants something more from me and I really wish she wouldn't give me that.
"Having dinner?" she asks as she picks up her plate and deftly sidesteps the obvious question that I'm asking.
"That's not what I want to know and you know it, Tiff."
She leads the way to the dining table and sighs as she takes a seat. "I honestly don't know the answer to that question, Dec."
I don't respond and she takes a bite of her chicken, swallowing it before she speaks again.
"I started this day engaged to one of your best friends and that's really hard for me to reconcile. Especially when we had amazing sex earlier."
I can't stop the shot of arousal that goes directly to my cock when she says this. "You thought the sex was amazing?"
"Pffft." She makes a sound of indignation. "As if you don't know I thought that."
I consider the comment and can't stop myself from smiling at her. "Well, I mean. I wasn't entirely sure if you thought it was amazing."
"Of course I did." Her face has turned bright pink and she won't catch my gaze.
"Why was it so good, Tiff?" My voice has dropped and I can't keep any of the lust I feel for her out of it when I ask her this.
She finally looks at me, and I have to swallow as I try my best to stop myself from getting an erection.
"This is a dangerous topic, Declan."
It is. She's not wrong at all about that. I still want to know, but if she wants to change the topic, I won't push it. I find myself in desperate need of liquid and, if I'm honest with myself, I need something to get me away from her for at least a few moments .
"Do you want a drink of wine or something?" I stand from the table as I ask the question.
She blinks at me a couple of times, then nods, and I stride over to the bar where my family keeps a healthy stock of alcohol. I grab a bottle of white wine at random from the wine fridge and grab two glasses that I bring back with me to the table. I pour a glass for Tiff, then hand it to her before pouring my own.
"I don't think I've ever come as hard as that before, to be honest," Tiff says, and I almost spill wine all over the table as I finish pouring my glass.
Holy shit.
She apparently hasn't taken the very safe path out of this dangerous territory that I offered her with the wine and I set the bottle down, fighting the urge to finish our dinner early.
"Good to know," I manage to say, not wanting to commit any more to the conversation than that because I don't want to say the wrong thing.
"Dec?"
Her voice sounds strange, and I look over at her to find her with an equally strange look on her face. Years and years of watching this woman far too closely and I'm usually able to decipher anything she's truly thinking, but not on this occasion.
"Yes, Tiff."
"It wasn't a mistake. I want you to know that I don't think it was a mistake. "
She takes a sip from her wine and I can't help but wonder what is coming next in this rollercoaster of an evening.