10. Rose
Rose
D r. Abraham Van Helsing places his fingers at my elbow and steers me down an icy lane toward the pedestrian street where people are walking, going about their daily lives in this mountain town, while I feel like I’m marching toward some uncertain doom.
I’m nervous. Not nervous enough to turn around and call the whole thing off, but nervous all the same, pins and needles inside my heart.
Will Valtu recognize me despite the spell?
Will he feel compelled to be with me?
Or will he be dismissive and cruel?
It feels like yesterday that I was in Venice with him, trying to figure out the game and how to play it, and yet that feels like it was a million times easier than what I’m about to do now, even with all that I know.
“Easy now,” Abe whispers to me. “We’ll be meeting him in the middle of a square. Knowing him, he’s probably already there. Keep yourself together.”
We round the corner, past red-faced skiers carrying skis over their shoulders, most likely having just come down a run from one of the giant mountains that loom over the town, and then the buildings open up into a snowy and picturesque pedestrian area.
And standing in the middle of it all, like a black smudge in a sea of white, is Valtu Aminoff. Sometimes my professor. Sometimes my husband. Sometimes my lover. But always Valtu.
He’s not facing us, he’s looking up at the mountains overhead, his hands in the pockets of his deep black coat.
I come to a stop, wanting to stare at him and take him all in.
His tall, powerful build, his luscious black hair, his disarmingly handsome face, forever staying the same through all my lifetimes.
It’s been so long and yet like yesterday since I last saw him, and it takes everything in me not to break free of Abe’s grip on my arm and run toward him.
But I can’t do that.
Because he doesn’t know who I am.
And yet I still have faith. I still carry faith and hope inside my heart like a jar filled with fireflies. They burn there, fluttering against the glass, wanting to escape, but I can’t let them loose yet. Not yet.
“Come on,” Abe says quietly, pushing me forward gently, and then we’re walking again and I keep alternating from feeling like my legs are full of lead or that there’s a wind at my back.
The strange thing is that Valtu appears to be more than just a black smudge in the bright world—he’s like a black hole.
There’s this dark energy about him, radiating from him and circling around him.
People are walking past him, some giving him shy smiles, others glancing at him and keeping on their way, but no one seems scared or off-put by the darkness in his orbit.
I wonder if only I can see it or if any vampires can.
But Abe is looking forward, determined to stay in his role, and I know if I want this to work, I must do the same.
I feel like my life is bleeding back into Dahlia’s. At least I’ve been through this before.
Yeah. And it didn’t end well.
“Valtu,” Abe greets him in a commanding voice as we approach, and Valtu slowly turns to face us.
His dark eyes go to Abe’s first and I’m surprised to see he isn’t smiling. Valtu always had a smile for his oldest friend. Often cheeky or amused but that smile was always there and freely given. Now though, Valtu’s face remains completely impassive, even in his eyes.
Then his deep brown eyes move over to me and I suck in my breath because he finally sees me.
He sees me!
But then I’m only seeing what I want to, because his expression doesn’t change at all. He looks me up and down, I guess to get an idea of the goods being delivered, but there’s no recognition at all, only a hint of derisiveness.
“Doctor,” Valtu says, the sound of his voice, low, rich and melodic, sending shivers in waves down my spine. “It’s been some time.”
He doesn’t hug Abe, or shake his hand. Just continues to stand where he is, hands in his pockets, face blank. He doesn’t even glance at me again, it’s like I’m not even there.
Oh my god.
He really doesn’t remember me.
I’m just some random redheaded whore that Abe brought for him to play with, and I’m not even sure he finds me attractive enough for that at this point. He doesn’t seem that happy to have me there, then again he doesn’t seem all that happy about anything.
Valtu , I think pleadingly and before I can finish that thought, he looks at me sharply, narrows his eyes.
Oh no. He heard that.
“And who did you bring me here?” he says coldly, his gaze flitting over my features as his attention is purely on me now.
My heart pounds a mile a minute and I’m torn between feeling absolutely heartbroken over the fact that he doesn’t know who I am, and completely smitten and joyous because he’s here, in the flesh, standing right in front of me.
My heart found his again.
But his heart doesn’t know mine.
“She’s a big admirer of yours,” Abe quickly says, and I know that’s my cue to tone it down, but I can’t. If anything, my pulse quickens, my nerves feeling shot and shaky.
I don’t think I can handle this.
Valtu sniffs derisively, his nostrils flaring as he takes in my scent. “And a vampire. You couldn’t find a human that was a big fan?”
“Vampires last a lot longer,” Abe says to him with a knowing look in his eye, and I can’t help but bristle at that, talking as if I’m just some cow on the auction block.
“I know you don’t care for humans, Valtu, but using them and discarding them as you do, really puts out a lot of, how should I say, bad juju into the world. ”
Valtu simultaneously sneers and grumbles and despite that, he’s still the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. He always will be, even when I catch a glimpse of those dark eyes and I see nothing staring back at me. Just this void where his soul used to be.
And just like that, perhaps a moment too late, I’m suddenly afraid.
No, not just afraid. Terrified .
Because I realize how much heartbreak I’m setting myself up for.
Valtu, my love, doesn’t know me. He doesn’t remember me.
Remember us. And worse than that, he’s dangerous in a way that he never was before.
Even when I was Dahlia and I was putting myself in harm’s way by going after him, I never really believed he would kill me, not unless he found out who I was.
He was Professor Aminoff. He was respected and kind and while his sexual appetites were on the kinky side (to say the least) I never felt I was actually in any danger with him.
If anything, he went out of his way to not harm others, hence the creation of the Red Room.
But I can see with this Valtu, standing before me like a dark specter amongst the frozen snow, that he wouldn’t hesitate to kill if he deemed it necessary—perhaps even if it wasn’t necessary.
And he wasn’t one to feel remorse over it, or anything for that matter.
I suppose it’s hard to feel remorse when it can be so easily erased.
Because that’s what I am.
So easily erased.
Valtu’s eyes slide over my face again, then my body, despite it being covered by a winter coat (or partially covered, since I borrowed it from Lenore—it doesn’t close over my boobs), then he tilts his head in consideration.
I can only stand there on display, feeling like I’m being judged in the harshest way, my insides squirming with insecurity.
If he doesn’t deem me good enough for him, then what? What if he sends me back with Abe?
Then you tell him who you are , I think. And hope for the best.
But I know deep down that it would only end in more heartbreak.
This man standing in front of me doesn’t want to know who I’ve been.
If I told him I was Mina and Lucy and Dahlia, he would turn me away, and it would jeopardize his friendship with Abe, even though there doesn’t seem to be much of a friendship left from the awkward tension between them.
Oh my love, what happened to you?
Finally, Valtu sighs and looks to Abe. “I suppose you’ve never let me down before.” His eyes go to me again. “What’s your name?”
“Rose,” I tell him. If I say more my voice will start to shake. I raise my chin a little and take a firmer stance.
“Ah,” he muses. “All petals or all thorns?”
“Depends on what you like,” I answer.
Finally there’s a hint of amusement in his eyes, the faintest ghost of a smile.
Winning that from him feels like winning the lottery.
“I like her,” Valtu surmises to Abe. “A bit more fire than the others. I suppose she will do for the night.”
The night? I look at Abe in surprise. Has that already been decided?
But Abe doesn’t meet my eyes. “Shall I consider myself a guest for the night as well?” he asks Valtu.
“Of course,” he says. “You know you never need ask.”
From the tension in Abe’s face, I can tell that’s not true.
Valtu gives me another discerning look. “How are you for hiking a great distance?” Then he smirks, charming and acidic all at once. “Never mind. I forgot I’m not dealing with a human. Perhaps you’re right, Doctor. Having a vampire might be a nice change after all.”
“I can handle a hike,” I tell him, pulling my bag further up on my shoulder. “Lead the way.”
I guess Valtu’s castle or whatever it is that he lives in isn’t accessible by car.
Maybe Valtu doesn’t even own a car. I’ve actually never seen him in a car, which is funny.
They didn’t exist when I was Mina and Lucy, and in Venice Valtu only drove a motorboat.
But still, being here in Germany, you’d think he would have some mode of transportation, though Abe did say he never leaves Mittenwald.
I have to wonder if it’s a great distance, how quickly he’s able to get to the village.
Vampires can move extremely fast when we need to but it’s not something we can keep up for a long time.
We’re supposed to be more like cheetahs than an endurance racer.