22. Rose #2
My eyes are locked on the blade in my palm, glowing blue, the handle silver and intricately carved, and I know every slayer’s blade is different but it looks similar to the one I used to have.
“Stay with me Rose,” Valtu whispers, keeping the pressure on. He looks around but in this dim and industrial area there’s no one else around. Both Leif and Atlas are completely gone, like they were never here at all.
“I’m okay,” I assure Valtu quietly. “I think I’m going to be okay.”
“Are you sure?” He lifts away the jacket and the blood has spread across my top but it’s not pouring out anymore. “I can’t lose you, Rose. I can’t.”
“You won’t,” I reassure him, turning the blade over in my hand, relishing the feel of it.
He doesn’t seem to believe me. He looks around and then puts his arm around my waist. “We’re going to try teleporting,” he says.
“What, now?”
“We need to get out of here.”
“And run from a fight? They came from that building. Bellamy is right in there!”
“Rose,” he says sharply, his eyes like daggers, “we are going to continue the fight, but not alone and you can’t fight like this right now. You may be alive, but you’re still wounded. Next time you may not be so lucky.”
“But I know he’s in there!” I protest but I sound weak and I start coughing. Maybe the stabbing did more damage than I thought.
“Just close your eyes and think of the hotel room,” Valtu whispers and I force my brain to cooperate, to picture it the way we left it this afternoon. I picture the book resting on the desk. “ Accipe nos ibi nunc ,” he recites.
There’s a sudden snapping sensation against my body, rattling my head, and swiftly the world shifts around us until the streets disappear and we’re standing in the middle of the hotel room, right in front of the book on the desk, holding onto each other.
Holy fuck. It worked.
“That was interesting,” Valtu muses, looking around our room in surprise. “Fucking terrible headache though.” He looks at me through a grimace. “Are you okay?”
I let out a shallow breath and nod quickly. “Yeah, just a little nauseous. Probably a combination of teleporting and being stabbed.”
The worry never seems to leave his face. “Let’s get you cleaned up and see what we’re dealing with here.”
He leads me to our bathroom, large and intricately decorated with a mosaic of teal tiles, and I hop up on the counter. He takes off my top and grabs a towel, wetting it under warm water and pressing it gently to my chest. “You’re already healing but it’s not as fast as it should be.”
“I think getting stabbed with the blade of mordernes causes wounds to linger,” I tell him. “I’ve seen it before. When I first started slaying, I was stabbing vampires in the back, just doing anything to get them to stop. It definitely slowed them down.”
His black brows knit together, eyes roaming over my face. “Sometimes I forget you were a vampire slayer before.”
I give him a small smile in return. “You’re supposed to forget. Remember?”
He rubs his lips together and swallows. Something dark washes over his eyes. Something troubling. I don’t like it. It makes my scalp prickle with unease.
“I’m fine ,” I tell him again. “Atlas missed.”
“By a millimetre,” Valtu says tightly, his jaw clamping together as he stares down at the wound. Little black and blue lines are snaking out from the wound, but I know they’ll be gone by tomorrow.
“I’ll take what I can get,” I say dryly but the gravity is etched on his face. I clear my throat. “I think I’m going to take a shower. Can you get me that bottle of vodka from the mini bar?”
He frowns. “For what?”
I shrug. “To help process the trauma.”
He leaves into the room and I hop off the counter, staring at myself in the mirror. I look like shit. But I guess when you come that close to dying again, you’re allowed to look like shit.
Valtu comes back in and hands me the bottle of vodka. He tries to smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and the dark energy that’s rolling off of him is palpable and chaotic and makes me instantly afraid.
“Are you okay?” I ask him softly, reaching out for his hand.
He lets me hold it for a moment, fear coming across his brow. Then he nods stiffly. “I will be. And so will you. Remember that, my dove.” He pulls his hand away and I feel strangely bereft without it.
He goes to leave and pauses, one hand on the bathroom door, ready to close it.
He’s looking off into the room, and from the way his focus intensifies I know he’s staring at the book.
“I’m going to call Abe and Solon and see what’s what,” he says quietly.
He swallows hard. “We are going to get your brother back, Rose. I can promise you that.”
Then he closes the door.
There’s something so final about it that I feel panic rising through me.
You’ve literally just been stabbed, millimetres away from death , I remind myself. It’s okay for the both of you to be on edge right now.
I take in a deep breath, then unscrew the vodka cap and take a swig of it, enjoying the burn. Then I turn it over and pour some of it on my wound, hoping some disinfectant won’t hurt. But of course, it does. It stings like hell.
“Son of a bitch,” I swear and step into the shower, moving back from the stream as I turn it on.
I don’t know how long I spend in the shower, soaking in the hot water and using all the luxurious toiletries, but by the time I finally turn it off, I’m completely pruney and the blue and black lines have faded a lot. The wound itself is pretty much closed, though it’s red, raw and ugly.
I sigh, shaking my head. I can’t believe that just happened.
I can’t believe I actually saw Leif, actually found the very place we were looking for.
And I can’t believe I ended up getting stabbed.
Like, right away. The worst part is that now Atlas knows something is up.
He’s going to go back to Bellamy and tell him what happened, that he saw some vampires.
Now I can only hope that Bellamy won’t have a clue who I am.
That’s the only surprise I’ve got at this point.
But I’m sure with Atlas’ description of Valtu, he’ll be quick to recognize Dracula.
I dry off and blow dry my hair, then put on my robe and step out into the suite, feeling a million times better than before I went in.
The balcony doors are open, cold damp air flowing in, and I think I see Valtu outside. I walk over to him, passing by the book on the hotel desk.
Something catches my eye. Beside the book is a pen and a pad of paper, the hotel’s stationary, covered in tightly scribbled writing.
I stop and pick it up, wondering what Valtu’s been writing, and read it.
A letter to myself,
You’re going to be disoriented. You don’t know who the woman is in front of you, you don’t know how she fits into your life or what she means to you. This is by design. By your own design.
My hand starts to shake as I read on.
You are Valtu Aminoff. It is December. You are in Istanbul, Turkey.
You may remember most of this or maybe none of this, perhaps the potion takes more from you each time.
The reason you’re here is of most importance and something you can’t back away from.
I won’t let you. You’re here because you have finally tracked Bellamy and his secret sect of immortal witches, as well as the stolen vampire baby Leif, who is very much a twenty-two-year-old man now.
It’s hard to tell if he’s still a vampire, or a witch, or what has been done to him but make no mistake, though he is not on your side, you must protect him and rescue him from the sect. This is the most important goal.
The second most important goal is to destroy Bellamy.
The third most important goal is to get out of there as soon as you’ve accomplished both.
The woman in front of you is a woman you have decided to erase. You don’t need to know her past or her details. Her name is Rose Harper and though that name means nothing to you now, she is the reason you have erased her from your memory. It was the only way.
Oh my god.
“Valtu!” I shriek, dropping the papers on the desk and running for the doors to the balcony.
Oh god, oh please no, please don’t let him have done it!
“Valtu!” I cry out again and he turns around to face me, his back to the railing, the sounds of the city rising up on the sea breeze.
To my relief, there is recognition in his eyes.
Guilt.
And then I notice the black vial in his hand, halfway to his mouth.
“No, stop!” I make a move for him, but he holds out his other hand and that pushes me back with invisible force.
“I’m sorry,” he says pitifully, his words barely audible. “I can’t afford to lose you again.”
“Valtu, please!” I screech and it feels like my world is seconds from ending. “Don’t do this. Don’t erase me again!”
He gives his head a shake, a tear rolling down his cheek. “I want to remember you. I want to remember us. But I can’t. So I have to forget.”
“Please!” I plead again, my voice going hoarse, the panic a vice inside my chest. “Don’t. Don’t, just don’t do this. We can start over, it’s okay, I’m okay with us just having what we are to each other right now.”
He shakes his head. “I’m a coward, Rose. You know I am. I won’t be able handle the pain. I’ve lost too many years to grief. It steals from you. It shows no mercy. It takes and it takes and it never gives anything back,” he says, grinding his teeth together.
“Grief only exists because of love!”
“And to erase the love is to erase the pain. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same.”
“I would never do the same!” I yell, struggling against the invisible force, but it’s no use.
I’m trying to think of magic from the book but now of all times my mind is blank.
All I can feel, all I can focus on, is the horror of being nothing again.
“Loss is the risk you take when you love someone, but it’s always worth the risk, Valtu.
” Tears are spilling down my cheeks now, sobs stretching my chest. “I have loved you and lost you and I’ll do it again and again because loving you is everything. Loving you is everything!”
He looks down at the vial, gives his head a slight shake. “That’s where you’ve made your biggest mistake. Loving me is a mistake. You should never love a monster.”
“Please,” I plead, praying, hoping, wishing he can see how badly I need to stay in his mind and his heart and life.
“Don’t do this. I love you. I love you and…
don’t you think maybe it’s worth loving me too?
” A sob escapes me, tears burning. My heart twists tighter and tighter into a knot so small I can’t even breathe.
“Couldn’t you just love me back?” I whisper. “Can’t loving me be worth the loss?”
He sniffs, pressing his lips together firmly. “I’m sorry, Rose. I guess I’ll never know.”
Then he opens his mouth and pours the contents of the vial on his tongue.
And swallows.
I scream his name.
Drop to my knees.
My heart discarded on the floor.