Chapter 24 #2
“I suppose I made a mistake, then. I shouldn’t have come back,” she said, glad that her voice didn’t waver too much.
“My apologies for causing trouble.” Despite the words cutting her heart apart, she still forced them out.
“I won’t do it again.” Spinning around, she took unsteady steps toward the door.
She’d collect her belongings and ride away.
Hopefully, the stablehands hadn’t stripped Dapple’s saddle yet.
“I don’t recall giving you permission to leave.” Blainor’s low voice sliced through the air, his warning tone sending shivers down her spine.
Bubbling anger stirred in her blood. What did he want?
To make Trisha bleed out here on the floor for his own pleasure?
How much more could he punish her? Trisha’s teeth clenched as she turned.
“I came back, didn’t I? I came back to apologize and mend what my running away caused.
But clearly, you don’t want that.” She hated that her mouth trembled, but she wouldn’t falter.
She’d humiliated herself enough by apologizing to him.
She’d be damned if she’d start caring now.
“If my chaos is too much to bear, my lord, then I’ll just go. ”
“Running away again, are we? Even before the dust settles?”
He took a quick step forward, the thick rug muffling the sound.
Tension radiated from every pore of his taut body, from his clenched jaw to his squared shoulders, as if he were ready to draw out a sword.
A long inhale, and then another step. Trisha’s hands balled, her nails digging into her skin.
Still, he approached, almost feral, like a wounded animal, but she held her ground.
She refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her stumble.
She’d stripped herself bare, and there was nothing more to offer, nothing else to break.
“What does it matter?” asked Trisha. “You’ve made it clear that my presence isn’t required… nor wanted. Let me go. I’ll ride back to Normark. Felmanch. Anywhere but here.”
A flicker of panic, or grief, broke through the angry lines of Blainor’s face, shattering his bullying mask. A low curse escaped him, and before she realized it, he had moved again. A few strides closed the distance between them, as though it had suddenly become unbearable.
“Don’t you dare,” he snarled, feet planted wide, towering before her. The edge of his cloak rubbed against her legs, and the aroma of evergreen and smoky earth surrounded her.
Every nerve in Trisha’s body screamed at her to back away, but she couldn’t escape his pain.
“You don’t get to…” The words held in Blainor’s throat, his body wound so tight she thought he might break. A pained expression replaced it, almost haggard. “You don’t just get to show up at my doorstep after making me think you were hurt, or worse—just to demand that I allow you to leave.”
Holding her lyre like a shield, she fought against the churning emotions: anger, shame, and her guilt. “Do you have any idea what it cost me to return? What I had to overcome just to stand before you again?”
A taut quiet stretched between them. His face hovered inches from hers, but she didn’t back down. Her eyes burned with indignation and hurt pride; his held something darker. The sunlight glittered on gamboling dust motes, the portraits on the walls watching with their empty stares.
He let out a sound: half a scoff, half a breath. “Cost?” Nodding toward her hair, Blainor sneered, “Those iridescent flowers must’ve cost you a lot.”
“What a fool I was that I didn’t realize accepting your invitation meant chains.”
“Chains, Trisha?” he growled. “You left, and still you dare call yourself captive. You and I don’t live in the same reality.”
“Oh, go ahead, Blainor. Give me your all. I think I’m getting the gist of this. You hate me. Just tell me, Blainor.”
He gritted his teeth, as though he were fighting against the words, before they slipped out. “How can you be this blind, Trisha? I was worried.”
For a moment, she didn’t understand. Not what he had said, but what it meant. Slowly, something loosened inside her—painful and fragile. So strong, it terrified her.
“Do you have any idea,” he continued in a hoarse voice, “how insulting it is to stand here and listen to you ask me to grant you something I’ve been living with every day since you left?”
She wanted to remain angry. Wanted to throw his words right back in his face. But the rawness of his voice, his pain, seeped through her defenses. She loathed her need to believe in them. In him. The anger snuffed out, leaving only her guilt behind; her shoulders fell.
“I’m… I’m sorry, Blainor.” The quiet apology felt inadequate for everything that had happened, for all the damage she couldn’t undo. “I didn’t realize.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Blainor snapped, but his fury had fizzled away, as though he no longer had the energy to hold onto it. He looked over Trisha’s shoulder. “Do you truly want to leave? There’s the door. Ancestors know I couldn’t stop you even if I tried.”
She shook her head. “Is that all you think I’m here for?”
His gaze sharpened, scanning her face as though it could pierce through her every defense.
Part of her hated it. He made her feel like he could see straight to the truths even she couldn’t name.
And yet, part of her welcomed how he made her feel seen.
Closer still, he moved, their bodies nearly touching.
“Tell me, Trisha.” His soft tone, the look in his eyes, sent her pulse racing. “Why did you come back?”
She grasped for an answer, her mouth too dry for the words that hovered on her tongue.
“I believe,” Trisha said finally, “I made a promise of sorts, back in Isdet. To become the Warlord’s Bard.
” Despite the fear curdling inside her, she attempted a smile.
“Besides, I believe we agreed ‘at least’ until winter.”
The floorboards groaned as he moved. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I suppose we can’t have you breaking a promise, then.”
Just like that, their tension eased. She almost swayed as relief surged through her, washing away the fear. He wasn’t going to drive her away. He hadn’t abandoned her. A clump in her throat dissolved, allowing her to breathe normally again.
Echo of his hurt shadowing his brows, Blainor leaned in, voice dropping. “But don’t do that again, Trisha. Don’t you ever disappear like that again.”
She shook her head. “I won’t, Blainor,” she swore. “I promise.”