Chapter 19
Nineteen
June
My nerves wreak havoc as I sit at the kitchen table the next morning. I can’t sit still. I keep swinging my legs. My bare feet don’t reach the floor because Daddy has added a booster seat to my chair. I’m strapped into it as if I might fall without the restraints.
Simone is coming over. Daddy calls it a playdate. I call it the most stressful hour of my life waiting for her to arrive.
I’ve never done anything like this before. In a matter of days, I’ve morphed into someone I don’t recognize. I’m constantly out of body. I’m not the same person.
It’s not a bad thing. It’s just weird. I think I was just living for thirty years. Now I’m finally alive. The world is brighter around me. Sharper. More colorful. But also scarier.
Age play makes me feel extremely vulnerable. It’s one thing to enjoy Little space—as Daddy calls it—alone with him. It’s an entirely different thing altogether to invite someone else into my world and share it with them.
It doesn’t matter that Daddy assures me Simone will not judge me. He promised me she will arrive dressed similarly because he made sure with Professor Arnalt when he invited them over.
No matter how many ways Daddy has tried to distract me this morning, I’m a hot mess of anxiety.
He fed me, got me dressed, fixed my hair in two braids, and then settled me in this seat to color—an attempt to distract me and keep my mind occupied.
I have a coloring book open in front of me. Crayons, too. But I can’t color with my left hand. It would look like a toddler did it. Daddy says it doesn’t matter if I color inside the lines. There’s no reason to feel so constricted. I just need to enjoy myself. But that’s not something I’m good at.
I haven’t colored since I was very young, and I’m a perfectionist, so the idea of letting myself make mistakes doesn’t sit well. He must sense my hesitation because he doesn’t pressure me.
I jump when Daddy’s phone rings. I know that ringtone by now. It’s solely for Mr. Brinkman in the lobby, which means Simone has arrived.
I’m not sure what makes me more nervous—the thought of spending time with someone else who identifies as Little, or the reminder that ten years ago, I took classes with Professor Arnalt.
If I had known I was Little back then, would I have recognized he was a Daddy?
I doubt it. He was always so professional.
I know Simone was also one of his students.
I’m curious about their story. How did she end up being his Little?
I can’t imagine him breaking the rules and sneaking around dating a student.
But what do I know? People do odd things when they’re in lust. Obviously, since I’ve clearly lost a few marbles in the past forty-eight hours.
Simone is much younger than I am. I assume she’s about twenty-two since she just graduated from college. But if she’s been in this lifestyle for a while, she’s far more knowledgeable, making me feel like an infant. The pun isn’t lost on me.
“May I get down, please, Daddy?” I ask.
“What nice manners, Little one,” he says as he pulls my chair out and unfastens me before lifting me to my feet. He kisses my neck, takes my hand, and leads me toward the door to the apartment.
I smooth my dress down. It’s short but not as short as some of the dresses Daddy has hung up on what is now my side of his closet. He even let me pick it out this morning.
I shouldn’t be concerned. Not about the dress.
Millions of women wear dresses like this out in public every day.
It’s a simple baby-doll dress. Pale green with smocking.
It flares out under my breasts and lands a few inches below my butt.
Thin spaghetti straps are tied at my shoulders, but they aren’t holding it up.
It wouldn’t fall without them. The top is tight enough, sort of like a tube top.
My panties match, so if anyone gets a glimpse, they might not realize it.
Daddy opens the door, and I flinch when the elevator opens. Silly since I was expecting it.
I spent quite a bit of time with Simone the other evening after Daddy’s SUV blew up. Professor Arnalt was kind enough to take me to their home and keep me safe while we waited for Daddy to sort things out with the police.
Daddy…
The word is rolling around in my mind. I certainly wasn’t thinking of him as anything other than Blade that day.
Simone has a tight grip on Professor Arnalt’s arm as they step into the apartment. She’s wearing the most adorable outfit—a pink dress with pink patent-leather boots. She has low pigtails with pink ribbons. This is not a side of her she shared with me at her house.
“Welcome,” Daddy says, shaking Professor Arnalt’s hand. “Glad you could come over. June’s been slightly isolated. She could use some companionship.”
Simone beams. “Oh, I love that dress. You look so pretty.”
“You do, too.” I point at her boots. “Those are so cute.”
“Thank you.”
I turn toward her Daddy. My cheeks heat. It’s weird knowing him in this different situation. “Professor Arnalt…”
He chuckles. “Please, June, call me Camden. I won’t be teaching any classes today.”
That’s going to be weird. Until a few days ago, I don’t think I would have remembered his first name. I certainly wouldn’t have called him that, not even behind his back. He’s always been Professor Arnalt to me.
Simone giggles. “Trust me. I know it’s weird. I was in his classes for four years. I still have trouble thinking of him as anything other than my professor. I practically skipped Camden and went straight for Daddy.”
Blade pats my back. “Why don’t you show Simone your rooms? Maybe she can help you decide on some décor.”
“Okay.” I nod over my shoulder.
Simone skips along beside me as we head toward the hallway.
“Careful, naughty girl,” Camden warns. His words startle me, but when I turn to look at him, he’s eyeing Simone with an odd, light-hearted combination of both laughter and admonishment. I’m not sure what to make of it.
“Daddy… I’m not running. See? Skipping.”
When I realize what their banter is about, I relax.
“Sheesh,” she mutters as soon as we step into my office.
“I guess he doesn’t allow you to run?”
“No running in the house,” she singsongs. Then she giggles. Finally, she points toward my brace. “How’s your arm?”
“It’s okay. It’s still sore, but it feels better every day. I’m just glad they didn’t have to put a plaster cast on.”
“That is nice. I’m sure those are itchy.” She looks around. “I, uh, love what you’ve done with the place.”
I laugh. The only thing in this room is a desk, an empty bookshelf, and a chair. It looks ridiculous, and the room seems huge with only this sparse furniture. “Apparently, I’m supposed to choose things and order more, but I haven’t had time yet. Plus, I’m still reeling from everything.”
I lead her through the adjoining door to the other room.
“Oh, this room is better,” Simone declares. “At least you’ve got a daybed and some toys.” She wanders closer to the bed. “So pretty.”
“Thank you. Want to sit?”
“Sure.” She bends down and unzips her boots before kicking them off and climbing onto the bed.
I join her, feeling awkward.
Simone is more outgoing than me. I knew this the other night. I’m more introverted. She takes my hand and gives a gentle squeeze. “I wondered if you had a Little side when I met you. I wasn’t sure, so I didn’t say anything. It was a stressful day as it was, and you were exhausted and hurting.”
“I didn’t know a thing about age play at the time, so I probably would have thought you had two heads if you’d shown me this side of you.”
Simone chuckles. “I understand. I’m careful around people who aren’t in the lifestyle or don’t know about it.
My best friend, Natasha, is Little. We went to college together.
Her Daddy is Camden’s best friend. Anyway, when I started thinking she was Little, she had no clue.
It took a while. Now she’s totally comfortable and so unbelievably happy. ”
“It’s like I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole.”
“It can feel that way. I’ve known I’m Little since I was pretty young, so I never really went through this awakening. I did have to deal with the stigma, though, especially when my parents found out.”
I wince. “How did they take it?”
She groans. “I haven’t spoken to them in four years. That’s how. I left when I was eighteen and never went back.”
“Oh wow. I’m sorry. That has to be hard.”
She shrugs. “Not anymore. I have a family with Camden now. And you met my sister the other day. Lillian. She just left home and moved here, too. A part of me feels sad for my parents, but mostly, I feel like it’s their loss. They’re choosing to be narrow-minded, so they’re missing out.”
“Is Lillian Little, too?”
Simone shrugs. “I’m not sure. She’s known I am for a long time, so she’s not shocked by my lifestyle choices, but she’s watching with hesitation.”
“I’m glad she supports you.”
“Do you have any brothers and sisters?”
I shake my head. “No. Thank God. My father was abusive. He went to prison for how he treated my mother. He died in prison. She passed when I was eighteen.” I don’t tell her it was suicide. We don’t need to go there this morning.
“I’m sorry.”
I shrug. “Like you said, I have Blade now. Who needs blood relatives?” I try to sound light-hearted.
“Daddy said you were married before.”
I cringe. “Technically, I still am. Turns out, people raised by abusers tend to marry abusers. He refused to sign the divorce papers. I was in hiding until he saw me on the news. Now it would seem he’s found me.” I shudder.
Simone squeezes my hand. “You’re safe here.”
“I know, but I worry Blade isn’t going to sleep until he…” I bite my lip. I don’t know for sure what Blade is planning to do. It scares me.
“Blade will handle it, I’m sure.”
Fears I have not voiced bubble up inside me. “What if he goes after him and gets in trouble?” I mutter.
“He won’t. These guys who work at Black Blade are good at their jobs. I’m sure he has one singular goal—keeping you safe. He’ll do whatever it takes.”
I nod. I know she’s right, but what will it take? What if Pete never gives up? What if he hunts me down and Daddy loses his temper?
A part of me hopes that’s exactly what happens. I won’t rest easy until I’m certain Pete can’t get to me. I know I’m totally safe as long as I’m here in this apartment. No one can get to me. But I can’t stay inside forever. And I’m not sure what Pete is capable of.
Except that’s not true. I do know what he’s capable of. He’s shown me. Bile rises in my throat every time I think about what would happen if he found me. He would kill me. I know it deep in my soul. He would kill Blade, too, if he had the chance. For daring to touch me.
“Sorry,” Simone says. “I didn’t mean to make you sad. Let’s talk about something else.”
I shake off the maudlin and smile at her. “Actually, I have some questions.”