18. Blaine
BLAINE
I should’ve—
“Stop second-guessing yourself.” Henley knocked his shoulder into mine as we walked down the sidewalk. “You weren’t rude.”
I’d been rude.
Before I could explain that to him, Henley rolled his eyes and cut me off.
“You told her how nice the house looked. You explained they could stay in the house. You were careful when you explained you needed time to take it all in. You thanked her for making sure someone’s been watching over everything. You. Were. Polite.”
Maybe?
“Just because planners get everything ready and tell you what to do doesn’t mean you have to do it.” Henley glared at me until I sighed and nodded. “Someone saying they’re right doesn’t make them right.”
Based on what I knew of his history, I was fairly certain he’d learned that lesson firsthand.
“They’ve kept track of everything.” It’d honestly been amazing. “I should be more grateful for that.”
Henley’s scoff said he disagreed with me. “Serena admitted that generation knew something was off with her and they didn’t do anything about it until after she’d tried to kill you. You don’t have to feel grateful that they’ve spent energy fixing what they helped break the first time.”
His stubbornness and single-minded way of seeing things were going to drive me crazy at some point, but I liked it at the moment.
“I’m not going to say you’re wrong but I’m not ready to agree with you.” My slightly ridiculous response made him smile. “I am going to thank you for getting us out of the house, though.”
Serena had wanted me to sit down with them and talk about practical things so they could show me my current financial situation.
“She’s not living in the real world.” The way he nudged my shoulder that time was more like a caress. “She’s been so focused on fixing their mistake she seems to have forgotten you’re a person with feelings.”
Sometimes slightly big feelings and sometimes muted, almost numb ones.
“I’ll be grateful at some point in the future.” At the moment there was just too much going on. “I’m glad to be in this form again, though.”
Henley’s glare made me want to smile. “You’re too nice for your own good.”
Based on what I was feeling from him, it seemed like he thought he needed to save me from myself.
“I might get angry eventually.” I wasn’t sure what I was feeling if I was honest. “Would that make you happy?”
Henley’s skeptical look made what he thought of that very clear. “I’ll be angry for the both of us.” He huffed. “You’ll end up feeling sorry for it and apologize.”
My mate would just threaten them and smile.
“Then we’ll make a good team.” Somehow he seemed to think he was going to screw up our relationship all while doing his best to save me from myself.
I wasn’t sure how the two concepts went together, but all I could do was show him we’d be fine.
“Like when we rescued each other. I saved you from the net and you saved me from being lost forever.”
The way Serena had talked around it made me think she’d started to doubt they would find me.
It made me wonder how long the spell would’ve kept me in that mindless limbo.
We didn’t normally have this much of a longer lifespan than humans.
I should’ve already been dead years ago, not looking the same or better than the day of the spell.
“I’d have figured out how to save myself.” Pouting, he glared ahead of us as we walked. “You just handled it differently than I would have.”
He was adorably delusional.
“And I couldn’t have left you.” Henley rocked into me again before shifting to stand beside me. “You wouldn’t have let me, so it all cancels out in the end.”
He was going to be stubborn about ridiculous things.
“You’re the softie. You’d have come back for me and you know it.” He might have a difficult relationship with his family and a lot of humans in general, but he liked monsters. “You’d have brought me treats and probably wandered around there calling for your kitty.”
And then would’ve gotten himself killed by something equally as dangerous.
“My murder kitty.” His huff made me smile. “Get it right.”
Murder kitty.
“I apologize.” Part of me wanted to take his hand or pull him into a hug, but a bigger part of me felt panic at the idea.
I did my best to ignore the anxiety it sent through me and copied his shoulder movement to nudge him slightly. Something about it didn’t go right, though, because he frowned instead of smiling at me. “We take things at our own pace, right?”
“Of course.” It wasn’t lying to agree with him. “Which direction should we go?”
He stopped.
I hoped the pleasant look I gave him would fix the situation but he crossed his arms over his chest. “You look fine. You’re not fine.”
Was it the mate bond or him just being good at reading people?
“There’s a lot to process, so I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I’m fine.” He’d never believe it anyway. “I am, however, processing and enjoying being here with you.”
Walking around town had been a good idea no matter where we ended up. I wasn’t sure if it was left over from being trapped and mindless or simply all the stress, but just the physical act of walking was making me feel better.
“That was a really good way of agreeing with me and not actually lying.” He might’ve been praising me but he glared at me even harder. “So good job. I’m not going to get distracted, though. You do not have to touch me in public like a boyfriend or partner for me to know I’m your mate.”
How could he be so accepting of things I wasn’t ready to talk about but so stubborn on others?
“It’s much more acceptable for us to be open now. I know that.” He’d made sure to not-so-subtly turn on a documentary-style video to show the change in the general perception, so I knew it wasn’t illegal and Serena had made sure to specifically state that we wouldn’t run into any issues in town.
“That isn’t going to magically change how you feel about it, though.” He waved his hand at me. “This form. Magic. Brains don’t work that way.”
I wish they did.
“If I want to hold my mate’s hand, I will.” Things had changed. “I understand this is a different time.”
Oh, that face.
“You’re not allowed to make my mate unhappy, scared, or worried about things like that.” His unreasonable stubbornness was coming back into play again. “I’ll make a limit about that if I have to.”
There he went again.
Limits.
“You’re not using that word the same way I would have before.” I wasn’t going to sound like an old man and start complaining about back in my day…but back in my day that wasn’t how we used the word. “How are you using it?”
He blushed.
The only times Henley got uncomfortable were when he had to explain his family or talk about sex.
So this was sexual somehow.
How?
One of the things I’d quickly learned about the new world I’d been dropped into was that they were much more open about sexual topics.
Much more open.
“Um…” Looking adorably pink-cheeked, my mate opened and closed his mouth several times before he swallowed hard. “I’m going to explain this badly because I’ve never had to do it.”
Interesting.
Nodding forward, I tried to sound as relaxed as possible. “Let’s go this way while you figure out where to start.”
Because whatever I’d stumbled into seemed important enough not to let it get hidden away again.
What did limits and sexuality have to do with each other in this context?
Was it somehow connected to his desire to be restrained?
“That’s a good idea.” Sounding relieved, probably because he had a few more minutes to put off answering me, he let out a breath. “I can figure this out.”
What could be so common anyone he talked to would understand limits in this context?
“We’re going to run into a lot of things that I don’t understand, but we’ll take them one step at a time. You’ve been very good at explaining the odd things we’ve run into so far.” Like microwaves and stun guns and bear spray that was not just for bears.
If we had that before, I’d never seen it, but then again, I’d never done a lot of camping in actual wilderness areas.
“I want you to understand the current world so it doesn’t always feel strange to you.
” Something about the conversation changed for him because my mate stood straighter as we started to walk.
“I’ve read books where the main characters were transported to new worlds and they’re always very unhappy until it’s familiar and they don’t have to think about every detail. ”
Had there been books like that when I was younger?
“I want this to be your home, so you need information.” Sounding like he wanted to repeat that over and over, my mate nodded to himself. “And giving you information doesn’t mean I’m pushing you or influencing what you want.”
So he wanted me to want something but he wasn’t supposed to admit that?
“Information itself isn’t good or bad.” Some of his talking podcast people might disagree with that, but their opinions really didn’t matter to me. “I just need to understand what’s going on around us in conversations and when you reference something.”
“You need information.” Still nodding to whatever was going on in his mind, Henley took a few more deep breaths and walked nearly half a block before he could figure out where to start.
Luckily for us, the houses were still just as beautiful as they’d been when I’d walked past them before. It might’ve seemed like it was just yesterday but the way everything had changed made it obvious how much time had passed.
“Some people have relationships built on a power exchange. A dominant partner who controls the situation and a submissive partner who gives up control.” My mate’s careful tone said more than he probably wanted it to.
“It’s consensual and makes both parties happy, but to make sure everyone is on the same page, they have limits. ”
We really hadn’t been using that word in the same context.
And some of the little comments I’d heard in the podcasts made more sense now.
“The limits are very important.” His serious tone made that clear but he was getting more relaxed about the topic too.
“They’re listed out carefully and are either firm limits where we treat them as strong fences or slightly more flexible where we can talk about shifting them depending on the situation. ”
The sexual situation?
No.
Not just sexual situations.
Robert and Sara had a relationship with rules and firm boundaries. If they’d used a specific label for it I’d never heard one, but that was because we hadn’t talked about those kinds of things. I‘d only noticed because I’d spent so much time with them after I’d moved out of the main house.
“So when you were talking about limits before, you were trying to explain how unhappy you were with how I was handling what I was feeling.” It wasn’t really a question but I was glad when he nodded.
“If I’m following this correctly, your issue with it was that I was…
I was pushing against what you would see as my own limits. ”
His rough exhale said he was very glad he didn’t have to explain it again. “Yes.”
I saw them as my own failing but I was smart enough not to point that out.
“I think I’m starting to understand.” This was going to lead to a lot more questions, though. “This is connected to the thing we’re going to talk about later, right?”
He was adorably dramatic when he groaned but nothing about what he was giving off or doing said I was pushing too much. “Yes.”
“Alright.” If he wanted to wait, I could do that. “We’ll table this discussion for now, then.”
There were a lot of other things we could talk about that didn’t involve him having to explain why being trapped turned him on.
“I—” Pausing, Henley peeked over at me. “I know questions are important right now.”
“And I know my mate’s happiness is more important.” He didn’t seem to grasp that fact, though. “So right now that means I’m going to take him out on a date and then we’re going to head home and watch something relaxing.”
His sigh that time was definitely about his conflicting feelings. “I’m not going to hide things from you.”
Sexual things.
Sexual things related to being restrained and either being dominant or submissive.
Submissive.
Submissive in sexual situations because he could clearly take charge when problems occurred.
I’d seen men and women who would fall apart and wait for someone else to make decisions because they couldn’t. My mate was not like that. My mate had the ability to make curious decisions and charge into dangerous situations without worrying about it at all.
This was definitely related to sex.
Having a mate was proving to be much more interesting than I’d ever expected.
But I was pretty sure I was going to have to figure out on my own why he liked being tied up and what I was supposed to do with that knowledge.
Would I be able to find that online?
If they had articles for everyone to read about relationships and social rules, there had to be ones about sex, right?