Chapter 35 #2
“All I know is there is supposed to be one, but he’s never chosen one. My guard wants it, badly, but he’s never given it to her.”
“So at least you’re protected,” he says, still pacing.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, and he looks at me, confused. “We never leave. Coming here was the first time I’ve ever left the castle walls.”
He stops pacing then, no doubt trying to equate the life in Blackwood he remembers to the one I’m describing.
“Why do you care, Weston?” I ask before he can respond. “You’re here. You’ve never met me before. Why do you care?”
His throat bobs before he answers. “It’s my duty to care. I’m the First Guard.”
I shake my head. “You’re not the First Guard here. You’re the captain here.”
“Where we are doesn’t change who I am.”
“I’ve had a guard for my whole life, and Brynne isn’t half as protective as you’ve been.”
His glare hardens, like I’ve said something that upsets him. I don’t acknowledge it. Pushing up on the armrests, I stride toward him, not breaking eye contact as I crane my neck up and glare back.
“Don’t lie to me, Weston,” I mutter, and something inside him loosens. His eyes search mine, and I can see the moment he breaks, knowing he’s about to tell me everything he’s kept secret.
He heaves a sigh, but doesn’t look away, his hands planted firmly on his hips.
“Remmington was my best friend. I couldn’t let anything happen to his daughter.”
My mouth goes dry.
Weston is my father’s best friend and his guard.
I knew from the moment I saw you.
Not only has he known I am the princess of his kingdom, but he’s known I’m Lennox Holt, the daughter of his friend.
My mind thinks back to what Stassia said, how stressed he was the day I showed up on the island. Everything is starting to make sense; why he followed me around the island, why he risked his life to save mine, why he wouldn’t let me out of his sight.
It’s everything a First Guard would do.
“I never lied to you, princess,” he says, his voice low and soft.
“I just wasn’t ready to deal with everything you being here meant.
An entire life has happened while I’ve been trapped here.
” He heaves a sigh and his arms drop to his sides.
“I didn’t want you to know who I was. I’m just Weston here, but I couldn’t help but do everything I could to keep you safe. ”
“Stop calling me that,” I say angrily as I swipe away tears that dared to fall. The twitch of his hand catches my eye, like he was stopping himself from reaching out toward me again.
Taking in deep, shuddering breaths, trying to still my anger and pounding heart, everything I just learned flies through my mind, until I snag on one detail.
“Who are you here for, Weston?”
His eyes soften. He knows I’ve figured it out.
A woman, a friend. Someone he would give his life to protect.
“I’m here for your mother.”
I feel like I’m drowning, like a hole has opened up in the ship and the sea swallowed me into its depths.
He came here to save my mother. He lost years of his life, trapped in this place, all for the chance to heal her.
Dane almost killed him and left him for dead.
Any opportunity for a normal life was stolen from him the moment he couldn’t return.
The island deemed him unworthy, the same as me and everyone else on this ship, and now both of us have to deal with our failure and wondering if she wasn’t ever meant to be saved.
My eyes snap to his as I remember one late night conversation, me asking about his scar, and him asking about…me. That’s why he wanted to know how old I was. He was trying to find out how long he has been gone.
Twenty-one years.
“You sacrificed your entire life for your friend? For your queen?” I say, my eyebrows drawn in, giving away my sheer disbelief.
“It wasn’t a sacrifice. It was my duty to protect them.”
“It wasn’t your duty to give up your life, Weston,” I say harshly, my voice rising again.
“I didn’t. The day I step foot back into Blackwood, it will be like no time has passed. I’m the same person standing in front of you right now that I was twenty-one years ago the day I called the Guardian. The only sacrifice I made was the life I had with them. I didn’t sacrifice mine.”
“But why you? Why did you choose to come here?”
He glances down at the ground between us, and doesn’t look up again when he responds.
“I couldn’t let him leave you alone,” he grumbles.
My chest aches. Weston knew about me, knew I existed. That’s why he knew who I was the second he saw me, because if he knew my father, he knew my mother too.
“My father was going to go.”
He nods. “We discussed it. In the end, it made more sense for me to try. He couldn’t leave the kingdom or you alone.”
I scoff. “He doesn’t give a shit about leaving me alone.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“You may have been his friend, but you haven’t been there. You don’t know him anymore. We don’t speak, he won’t even look at me. I’m nothing to him.”
His throat bobs and his brows draw in. “I wish things turned out differently for you. I’m sorry for whatever role I played in that.”
There’s no need for him to apologize, because he didn’t play a role in that.
Whether or not Weston ever made it back didn’t force my father to treat me the way he did, or make decisions for my life the way he has.
As far as I’m concerned, Weston wasn’t part of my life at all until I learned who he was the day I stepped foot on Dawnlin.
“What if we can’t ever get back?” I ask.
“We’re not giving up hope. I won’t ever stop trying.”
Anger still courses through me, because I hate to admit it, but I trusted Weston, and he hid something this important from me. But even though I’m still angry with him, I can’t help how my feelings have changed about the entire situation.
Everything he’s done has been to protect me, to help me and my family.
He says it is out of duty, but I can’t help but feel there’s more than he is willing to admit.
The way he looks at me, the way he touches me, the way he kissed me, it doesn’t feel like he’s doing it solely because he swore an oath as the First Guard.
He says it is his duty to protect me, but what if it is his duty that is holding him back? What if that is why everything he’s done in the past few days has been so confusing?
And how can I hate a man who has given up so much for me? Saving my mother would have changed my life, my childhood. If he had been worthy and returned home, everything would have been different. Even if he came home empty-handed, maybe he would have helped my father be a better man.
But Dane stopped him from coming home.
Dane is the one that hurt my family and hurt me, in more ways than one.
He is the one that is keeping everyone from their loved ones, refusing to give them the ability to say goodbye or move on with life.
It’s Dane that needs to be stopped.
“Thank you for telling me,” I say, my voice barely a whisper.
“I didn’t want to keep it from you, princess. But I didn’t see any other way.”
“You were right,” I say, the sound coming out garbled with the angry tears that are forming alongside the lump in my throat. “I wouldn’t have believed you. I guess I get my stubbornness from him.”
“That’s not a bad thing.”
I glare at him. “I don’t want to be anything like him.”
“He’s not a bad man. He just may have gone about things in a bad way. You have to understand what he went through, too.”
The anger bubbles up inside me again, too fast for me to control it.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.
You talk about your life not being sacrificed here, how you’ll walk back into Blackwood like no time has passed.
That wasn’t my life, Weston! My life was wasted away in a castle because I needed to be protected.
He did that. He stole it from me, probably because he’s so furious I stole her from him! ”
He opens his mouth, but I cut him off before he can say anything else.
“Both of you, you’re the fucking same. You won’t let me do anything here, or you are furious if I do, because I need protection. I’m not fragile, Weston! He already took one life away from me. Don’t take my life away here too!”
He looks like I’ve slapped him, but I don’t regret what I said. He just wanted to be Weston here, so why can’t he understand I want the same? To just be Lennox? Not the princess that needs protection, not the person who has others decide for her. I just want to forget it.
“Your duty is to my father, not to me,” I say. “Here I’m just another one of the crew.”
His jaw clenches and his body tenses. “If that’s the way you want it, princess.”
“It is,” I say firmly.
My stomach sinks and my fingertips tingle, but I stand firm.
I don’t want him treating me differently and fawning over me, but somewhere deep down, I wonder if the friendship we’ve developed is even real, or if it’s only been because of his duty.
Has every part of our relationship stemmed from his duty, just like Brynne, and Tila, and Edmond?
Has Sig’s? Was everything I thought I had here not real at all and is about to slip through my fingers?
He nods and looks away, his eyes fixed on something across the room. He clears his throat before he speaks again.
“Now you understand why what happened last night can’t happen again.”
So he didn’t forget, despite how drunk he was by the end of the night.
The kiss. The stares. The touches.
If I didn’t think he regretted it before, he just confirmed it.
It was all a mistake.
“I agree,” I say, and it feels like something inside me breaks.
Dane is a liar, and Weston is a guard.
Everything I thought I knew about them is wrong, and all the feelings and emotions that are very real to me are spiraling out of control.
I need to get out of this room and away from him.
I need to get my mind straight and figure out how I’m going to interact with everyone now that I don’t know if it was really all a lie.
Wiping the tears from under my eyes, I set my jaw and look back at him.
“If that’s all, I’d like to go complete my task for the day,” I say, my voice hard and cold. I step around him, but he slides in front of me, blocking my path.
“One more thing,” he says. He takes a small step forward, so we’re toe to toe. “If you want to be treated like just another one of the crew—” I crane my neck back to keep my eyes locked on his, and he drops his voice lower. “Don’t ever attack me on my deck in front of my crew again.”
His jaw ticks and I clench my teeth together, and stare back with all the anger and frustration I can muster before answering.
“Understood, Captain.”