Chapter 49
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Afew hours later, I wake to the suns beating down on me, drenched in sweat, and exhausted from a nightmare filled restless sleep. I wasn’t prepared to have the nightmares again, proving there is more than one reason I miss Weston’s bed.
Only one more night.
Rolling my shoulders, I try to loosen the tension in my neck brought on by the fitful sleep and the worry over the rest of this plan.
My clothes are still the filthy ones I arrived in, too tired to do anything but go straight to sleep after last night.
I need to start the day fresh, wash all the grime off and get a new set of clothes, anything that will make me look like I’m back in the fold and a Voyager once again.
A voice greets me as I hop down off the last rung of the ladder.
“I was just coming to get you,” Dane says. He sweeps me into a kiss, and I go through the motions, enough not to rouse suspicion, before pushing him away.
“I’m still filthy. I was just about to go clean up.”
“I’m sure you’ll feel better after you do. How did you sleep?” he asks.
I shrug. “Not great, honestly.”
He wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side before setting off down the path toward the showers. “You’ve been through a lot, Lennox. It might take some time to calm down from it all, but I’ll be here for you.”
“Thanks Dane,” I say, keeping my eyes on the floorboards as we traipse through camp.
“I made Mara sleep in the cabin last night. She needs some time to cool down, and I didn’t want her making you feel uncomfortable.”
“After your threat to bring her home, I don’t think she will try anything.
She doesn’t want to give up on the cure.
” I make a mental note not to call it the healing waters.
No one here does, not unless they’ve found it.
Dane can’t know I have, so I can’t do or say anything that might catch his attention.
We round the bend to the showers and Dane sends me off, telling me he will meet me in the tavern once I’m finished.
Camp feels quiet and normal, like nothing has changed in the time I’ve been gone.
Except me.
I’ve changed.
But I can’t let anyone see how much.
I shower quickly, keeping my dagger hidden in my boot and pulling on a clean set of clothes before I start off toward the tavern. Dane is alone, food spread out on a table, as I slide onto the bench next to him, the same way I would have before.
“Hungry?”
“Starving,” I say and reach out to pull some food closer. I need energy to stay alert and focused, especially after a rough night of sleep. Hopefully, eating will help fuel me for the day ahead, but also give me something to do while I sit here with Dane.
“I’m just so relieved you’re back where you belong,” Dane says. He turns to straddle the bench facing me and pulls me toward him, draping my legs over his. I try not to stiffen, instead focus on giving him a soft smile.
“You know I didn’t leave on purpose. It wasn’t my choice,” I say and reach across the table to grab a piece of food, something, anything, to keep my hands and mouth busy.
It isn’t a lie. I chose to stay after I found out the truth, but I still need to try to say as many truths as possible so I don’t get caught up and discovered.
“I know.” He strokes the tops of my thighs leisurely. Before I would have leaned into his touch, but now it takes every shred of control I have not to squirm away from it. “But I had to get you back. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Warnings fill my mind, ones I didn’t notice when he said things like this before.
After I met him, and when I thought there was more between us, I was so caught up in the excitement and newness of meeting someone from outside the castle, making a friend, and seeking this magical place, that I let all of it cloud my judgment.
My emotions overcame me, and I allowed them to control my perceptions instead of doing what I have been taught for years: using my mind and analyzing every piece of information.
Both Brynne and Weston are right. I let my emotions overcome me, but I have to heed their lesson in this fight. This is a fight, just one without the cut of a blade.
I shift the subject quickly. “What is the plan for today?”
“I figured you would want to lie low, recover. I don’t expect you to be rushing out of camp right away.”
“I can’t lose any more time, Dane. I have to find the cure.”
His face breaks out in a slow grin.
“What?” I ask warily, worried I said something that tipped him off to my deception.
“Nothing.” He leans forward, closing the gap between us. “I just love your determination, that’s all.”
“We have to find it before he does, remember?” I take another bite, chewing slowly, and he sits back in response.
Something in my chest squeezes when I bring Weston up to Dane, because I know the last time they saw each other, Dane tried to kill him.
I don’t want to fuel any more of Dane’s hatred, but I can’t get through these two days without mentioning him at all, especially since he’s allegedly kept me captive.
“We do, but I’m worried about you staying safe. If you’re going to go, I should go with you.”
“Do you think they’ll be out looking for me?”
“Yes.” His gaze is intense, searing into my face, like I’m something he needs to keep. For what reason, I don’t know. It’s the same look I used to see as desire, and maybe even love. Now I see it differently, and it looks too much like he’s claiming me.
My fingers fidget in my lap. “Maybe I should stay at camp for a while. Let them forget about me.”
“If that will make you feel safe,” he says, continuing to stroke my thighs, and slowly moving to my low back.
I shudder, but he mistakes it for excitement and pulls me even closer.
“But you can’t be here forever,” he continues. “You made me promise not to distract you from finding the cure, and I’m not breaking it.”
“Thank you,” I say. “Maybe we can still be productive while I’m at camp. You said you hadn’t looked for any clues about the dust. Maybe we should start there.”
He nods once, firmly. “I agree. We need to.”
“Have you told anyone else that it’s almost gone?”
So much time has passed, and I don’t know if he has trusted anyone else with the secret.
There didn’t seem to be any worry or haste among the Voyagers, but whoever he told could be keeping it to themselves, just as I did.
With the threat Dane had used last night, I know he definitely didn’t tell Mara.
“No. I haven’t wanted to cause a panic. I’m the Guardian. I’m supposed to protect everyone here. I don’t want anyone to think they can’t leave. But we need to be able to leave, Lennox. We have to find an answer.”
I swipe my hands on my clothes, dusting off any crumbs. “Then what are we waiting for?”
I swing my legs over the bench, putting some distance between us, which he closes again quickly, placing a hand on my hip as I walk in front of him.
It feels possessive and overbearing, completely opposite of the security and warmth when Weston did the same thing. My skin crawls at the touch, especially knowing I once found it comforting and thrilling.
“Do you have any idea where we should start?” I ask once we are out onto the main walkway again.
“I don’t think either of the bunks will have anything, and probably not the armory. Maybe the infirmary has some books tucked away. We could start there.”
Spinning around, we head toward the infirmary, unused since we were there last night.
We turn it over quickly, looking over every item and searching every surface, only to come up empty.
Nothing suggests information about the island itself.
There are no books or documents, no records of any kind, only the same salves and other treatments, and bandages that are in the infirmary back on the ship.
I try to stay focused on the task, but my mind keeps drifting back to something Sig said back when we were escaping Mara.
I want you to think really hard about needing safety.
Maybe the island is trying to protect the dust just as it protects the healing waters, which is why no one can find it.
The Guardian lives at camp, so it would make sense for the answer, or the actual dust, to be here.
I think the same thought repeatedly, asking the island for help, letting it know what I need, just as I did with the map.
Please help us replenish the dust. Please help us replenish the dust.
We barely speak. I’m too busy repeating the phrase over and over with every second of searching, but nothing changes. There’s no sign or movement, nothing that indicates the island heard me.
Or wants to help me.
Once the infirmary is completely turned over and put back together, we stop and try to figure out where to go next.
“Just like the bunks, I don’t think the showers or the tavern will have any sort of clue. Those are too open, too every day.” I stop and gaze out over the clearing, thinking about everything at camp.
The cage. The graves. The training area. The cabin. I hadn’t gone too far into the trees during my time here to see if anything else is hiding out in the jungle.
But then I get a thought, and turn to face Dane.
“You sleep in the bunks, right? Did the Guardian always stay there? Or is there somewhere else, like the cabin, that was meant for you?”
“I’m not sure,” he says. “I didn’t get a chance to learn anything from the last Guardian before Weston slaughtered him.”
Lie.
He’s still lying to me, but he doesn’t know I know the truth.
My body starts to physically react, and I tamp it down quickly, hoping my face doesn’t betray me.
“He’s a monster,” I say, looking away as if it pains me to think about Weston. It does, but not in the way Dane thinks.
“I’m sorry I brought him up,” he says, reaching out to pull me closer. “But you don’t need to worry about him any longer. He won’t do anything as long as I’m with you.”