Chapter 52
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
My eyelids are heavy with exhaustion after searching camp late into the night.
Once Dane returned to the training area and Roley and I were no longer alone, I told him I wanted to make up for the hours I normally would have searched for the cure.
We went to the bunks empty handed once again, after calling it a night once the last sounds of Voyagers had died away hours before.
I’m panicking.
Searching today has been just as fruitless as yesterday, and I leave tonight.
This is the night I’ve been preparing for, the night to get Dane alone, and get back to the ship with whatever dust I can.
My fingertips start to tingle and my chest heaves with breaths as I tip my head back toward the sky. The suns are already well into their descent, the sky morphing into a flurry of colors, and hits me like a blow to the chest.
I’m out of time.
I found nothing that will help us all get home.
Tears prick at my eyes as I think about the handful of Castaways we are going to have to choose.
How are we ever going to decide? And how am I going to convince Weston not to choose me just because of my title and responsibility, and to give me the same consideration as everyone else?
How am I going to handle it if he does it anyway, and forces me to leave them all behind?
To leave him behind?
I can’t think about that now. The next part of the plan is too important. If I fail, we won’t have the opportunity to make any decisions, so my concentration and execution are crucial.
Blinking away the tears, I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. It’s time, and I need to be mentally prepared for everything that comes next.
The trees are thick on this side of camp, but that is all they are.
Trees. There are no hidden structures or paths, just what seems like fields of trees that might not even be real.
The magic hiding camp could make me feel like I’m walking forever, but in reality I’m going in circles, finding nothing.
“Dane!” I yell, stepping past large trunks and over leaves covering the floor. We split up earlier to cover more ground, but now I’m kicking myself, wondering if it was indeed magic that kept us occupied all day.
“Lennox?” he calls from somewhere out of view.
“Where are you?”
“I’m coming!” He appears in the trees ahead a moment later, winding through the trunks and brush directly toward me. “Did you find something?” he asks hopefully.
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “I thought we could call it a night. The suns will be down soon and I…” My voice trails off and I drop my gaze to the ground. Heart pounding in my ears, and nervous energy coursing through me, I hope I look more embarrassed than I feel.
“What is it?”
“I just…sort of…wanted to be alone,” I say, anxiously meeting his gaze.
Dane’s face softens, and he steps up to me, his chest brushing against mine as he weaves his fingers through the hair on the back of my neck.
“I can have Mara move out of the cabin if you’d feel more comfortable there. You were gone a long time. I know it might take a while before you feel comfortable here again.”
“No, I, uh,” I stammer. “That’s not what I meant.” I lift my shoulders to my ears, curling in on myself before letting out a sharp breath. “I, um, wanted to be alone. With you.” I meet his gaze, and watch as his eyes sparkle, making me shiver, but not in the way I used to.
Not the way that Weston makes me.
This shiver is cold and fearful, because I can’t tell what is going on behind those eyes anymore. I can’t tell what game he’s playing, or my role in it.
“I like that idea,” he says, then leans down, pressing a kiss to my lips. I let him, unable to keep hold of the distance I created yesterday for any longer, especially going into tonight.
He breaks away and his thumb reaches back to stroke my cheek. “Do you want to go to our beach?” he murmurs.
“No!” I blurt out before regaining my composure. He rears back slightly, my shout taking him off guard, and I scramble to find an excuse not to return to the beach.
“No, sorry. I just mean, I hoped that maybe it could just be you and me tonight.”
A grin widens across his face. “Yeah, we can do that.”
I look up through the canopy of trees at the sky again. “I wanted to ask when it was early enough so we didn’t leave after dark. I don’t want to be out in the dark.” I let my voice tremble with fear, and he pulls me closer, lowering his face so our noses almost touch.
“I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re too important to me.” I give him a soft smile, and he brushes another quick kiss over my lips before grasping my hand and pulling me through the trees. “Let’s get moving so we can make it before the suns go down.”
Back in the clearing, Voyagers are trickling in as everyone heads up to the tavern for dinner. I quickly assess my bunk, trying to remember if I left anything I need there, but I didn’t. I don’t care about any of it.
Everything I need is back on the ship.
Everyone I need.
Except Roley. There’s no choice but to leave him here, if only for another few days. I hope he keeps his promise and meets me so we can keep him safe.
Acting like I won’t be back tomorrow would raise suspicion. I can’t say goodbye, or do anything unusual. I need to walk through that portal and not look back.
“Lilly,” Dane calls as she appears in the clearing, coming in from her day of searching. I haven’t really seen her since I’ve been back, but I can tell being on the island has changed her. I wonder if the change in me was just as noticeable.
She looks up at Dane, waiting for direction.
“Tell Storm I’ll be out tonight. He’s in charge.”
“I will,” she says and passes us with a wave, heading toward the ladder.
Once we’re on the main path, I take a deep breath, steadying myself and bracing for the next step in the plan.
Here we go. I can’t be too obvious.
I start the conversation I’ve been practicing in my mind every night since Sig and I made this plan, the conversation that would ensure I was safe and on my way home.
“I didn’t even think about staying to eat first. Do the safe houses usually have food? I’ve never stayed at one before.”
“They’re just like camp. They’ll have everything we need. You don’t have to worry.” He gives me a closed lipped smile, and leads me down the path, heading toward the mountain.
My footsteps stutter as I let him lead me. Sig will be waiting at the safe house on the other side of the island, so I need to get him to turn around.
“Where are we going?” I ask hesitantly. “You said you wanted to go to the beach before. Why don’t we go to the house on the other beach? The one right around the bend? Maybe we could walk over and watch the waves.”
My heart pounds in my ears, waiting for his answer as I gradually slow my steps and tug on his hand, pulling him in the opposite direction.
“Well, I was going to surprise you. Once you mentioned the safe houses, I got an idea. There’s one I want to take you to. It’s possible there’s a clue about the dust there.”
No, no, no, no.
My time to worry about replenishing the dust is gone, no matter what clue Dane thinks there might be.
I can’t go to another safe house. I need to get to that safe house. Sig will be waiting for me, and if something goes wrong, if he catches me trying to take the dust, I need the backup.
I have to get out of this.
I pull back on his hand a little harder. “But I wanted to take a break from searching for a night.”
His hand squeezes mine then quickly releases, but his steps don’t falter as he chuckles softly. “We don’t have to do anything tonight. We can search in the morning.”
Fuck.
This isn’t working. My mind races, trying to come up with a new excuse, one that won’t seem too obvious.
“I just think it would be nice being near the beach, listening to the waves. You helped me get over my fear there.” I hold my breath, hoping the sentimentality will convince him.
Dane didn’t help me get over my fear of the water. Weston did. All Dane did that night was shower me with extraordinary experiences, then feed me lies to keep me under his control.
He stops abruptly and I almost run into him, but he doesn’t notice. He weaves his fingers through mine and gazes down at me. “I just thought you wanted to be alone, and this one is secluded. No one will bother us.”
Panic.
Sheer panic floods my body.
He’s not taking any of my bait, only giving me solutions I should have no problem agreeing to.
Denying an idea for replenishing the dust after spending the last two days tirelessly searching for answers would not fit the narrative I’ve woven since I’ve been back at camp.
If I fight him any more, he might think something is wrong, that I’m up to something.
But if I don’t, everything will go wrong.
All I can do is smile, which he returns before stepping forward again and tugging me along.
“We need to hurry. We’re losing daylight.”
“Lead the way,” I say, doing everything in my power to keep my voice steady.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, FUCK.
Sig does not know where Dane is about to take me, and I have no way of communicating with her. No one should be following me after I told her to trust me, and dread fills my stomach as I curse myself for forcing that.
What is she going to think when I don’t show up at the safe house? Is she going to think something happened? Will she think Dane took me somewhere else?
Or is she going to think I double crossed her?
Sweat coats my palms, and my hand slides in Dane’s as we walk. He doesn’t seem to notice, but I feel as if my body is on fire.
Everything is going wrong.
This entire plan, so meticulously crafted, has been turned upside down.
I didn’t find how to replenish the dust, and now I am not at our designated location.
I’m alone.
No one knows where I am.
Using the same calming technique as when I shoot, I inhale deeply through my nose and let it out of my mouth, trying to slow the pounding of my heart.
At least I still have my dagger, even if I don’t have Sig there with me.
Edmond’s voice pops into my mind, and I realize through all of this planning, my crucial error. I didn’t account for any changes in the plan. I only focused on one angle. We had no contingencies, no backups.
I’ve made a huge mistake.
I’m in this alone, and I have to get out of it alone.
I can handle this.
I just need to get the dust, and get back to the ship, back to the people I love, and hope Weston doesn’t hate me because I left.