Bonus Chapter
WESTON
Kissed her.
I fucking kissed her.
My duty, my oath, all my training in self-control, gone in an instant when she showed up on my ship covered in blood.
“Fuck,” I mutter again. I can’t turn back and look at her. If I do, I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself, and I will absolutely fuck everything up. So I leave. Stomp away like a damn coward, but call it self-preservation instead.
I shuffle down the steps and do the first thing that comes to mind.
“Jorn!”
Jorn has always been there. From the moment he walked out of the mountain, he became one of us, but most of all turned into a brother I never had.
The door to Sig’s room opens, and he sticks his head out of the crack a moment later. “What’s up, Captain?” I must look as unhinged as I feel because his eyes widen when he sees me. “Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?”
I pin my hands to my hips and pace the hallway, trying to calm down, but my breathing is still ragged just thinking about the way it felt.
Her body wrapped around mine, her face in my hands. Her lips and tongue in my mouth. The moan she couldn’t control when I tightened my fist in her hair.
My cock hardens just thinking about it.
“I kissed her,” I grind out.
“And then walked away?”
I nod, trying to hide my grimace.
“Captain, I’m gonna be honest with you,” he says, “not the smoothest of moves.”
Then I say something I don’t say very often, but apparently I have no self control anymore. I’m already fucked. What’s destroying everything a little more?
“I need a drink,” I growl. I need to distract myself, forget how she kissed me back, how she rubbed herself against me like she wanted more.
I have to forget, because nothing can ever happen.
“Wait, really?” Jorn says, excitement lighting up his face as he steps out of Sig’s room into the hallway. He lets out a crow and starts hopping on his toes.
I release a deep sigh and lace my fingers behind my head. My scalp still tingles from where she scraped her nails across it.
“Why do you look like this is the end of the world?” Jorn asks. “You’ve been pining over her since you pulled her from the lagoon.”
I shoot him a glare and he throws his hands up innocently.
“Everyone can see it, Captain. You aren’t hiding anything.”
My chest grumbles in response as I turn on my heel and head down the second set of stairs. Jorn’s footsteps trail behind closely as I storm into the mess, and thankfully find it empty.
I fall down into a chair, slamming my elbows into the wooden tabletop, and drop my head into my hands. A frustrated groan rips from my chest, just as Jorn falls into the chair across from mine, leaning forward on his forearms.
“I’m confused, Captain. I think you need to dumb this down for me.”
I lean back, draping my arms over the chairs beside me, and try to decide if telling him the truth is the best thing. I trust Jorn with my life, but Sig is the only one who knows everything.
Fuck it. He already knows everything else.
“Remember when I told you where I’m from? That I’m the First Guard to the king?”
He makes a sound of acknowledgement, waiting for me to continue.
“The king is my friend. We grew up together, and it was always me and him, until he found Lyla.”
“I’m not seeing where you’re going with this Cap, but continue,” Jorn says.
My fingers raise, pointing up toward the deck while holding Jorn’s gaze.
“She is their daughter.”
Jorn stays silent, which is not a typical behavior for him, and I know the significance isn’t lost anymore.
He pushes back in the chair, the legs scraping across the wooden floor before striding to the galley.
He pulls out a large bottle of liquor and two smaller cups, then plops back down into his seat.
A cup slams down in front of me, and he fills it to the brim before filling his own.
“And now I get it. You’re fucked, man.”
“I know.” I groan, snatching the cup off the table and bringing it to my lips.
I tip it back, reveling in the burn as it goes down, trying to focus on that feeling instead of the burning desire to march back up to the deck and continue what I started.
“Figures, the one woman you’ve ever shown any interest in is the one you can’t have,” Jorn says as he takes a sip.
“Thanks for the reminder,” I snap and slam my empty cup back down in front of him. He takes the hint and tips the bottle, filling it again.
“Not to mention she’s with Dane.” I look up and pin him with a death glare. A wicked smirk sits on his lips, like he’s goading me on purpose. He probably is.
“Nah,” he continues, taking another sip. “That’s basically over already. She might not realize it yet, but she’s fighting feelings, too.”
My head drops back, and I close my eyes with a groan. “I don’t need to fucking hear that.”
I tip back the second cup, and know I’m going to pay for it later. Sig will handle anything that comes up, because I know she knows exactly where we are. By the look on her face when they stepped on deck, she could tell exactly what was going through my mind.
“What’s so bad about it, though? You’ve been here for how long?”
“Almost twenty-one years,” I say, staring at the pattern in the wood. “I left after she was born.”
“Right, but you’re here. All that time has passed, but we’re still us. Nothing has changed, no matter how long it has been. When we get back, I’ll still be twenty-five, and you’ll still be…” He trails off, waiting for me to fill it in.
“Twenty-seven,” I mumble.
“Exactly. Dawnlin may have stolen our time, but it didn’t really steal our time, you know?” He takes another drink and I reach over and snatch the bottle off the table.
“She’s the princess, Jorn. I’m the First Guard. It’s my job to protect her.”
“Yeah, and you’re doing that. I know you, and I can guarantee that isn’t going to stop, whether we’re here or home.”
My jaw tightens and I stay quiet. It won’t stop. I’ve been there every moment since the crew first came back and told me there was a new girl on the island, since the moment I saw Dane showing her around.
Since the moment I figured out his plan.
“Think about it this way.” He leans forward again, like he’s trying to tell me a secret. “The king is your best friend, right? Wouldn’t he rather she be with you over any random last-born son trying to hitch himself to her for a little bit of power?”
I actually do growl at him now. The thought of some prick buying her with the promise of an alliance sets me on edge.
I know that’s the way things are done, but I can still fucking hate it.
I already got her away from Dane; the thought of her being handed off to someone else makes a fire light inside me.
Honestly, I don’t know how Remington would react, but part of me really does not want to find out. I’d like to keep my balls attached to my body.
“I have a feeling Rem wouldn’t be happy with me touching his daughter.” Another swallow, followed by more burn, as I block out all the ways I’ve thought about touching her.
“Well, the thing is, you already have. That’s first off,” Jorn says, ticking off his fingers. “Second, Sig and I have been saying for years you need to get laid.”
I glare at him, which only makes him smile more as he continues.
“Your mood has significantly worsened since she’s been here, and it was already pretty bad. And she’s kind of the only one who can put up with your shit. Third, she’s already here. She’s with us, and we don’t know how long that will be. Could be another twenty years for all we know.”
I take another sip and stare out into the empty room.
“We aren’t back in our world, Weston. It doesn’t matter who we are there, because we’re here. Just fucking live a little.” He tips the drink to the back of his throat and slams his cup down on the table.
Jorn is the only one that calls me Weston on this ship, well, besides the kid, and it’s only ever when we’re alone. No matter how many times I have told Sig to, she won’t. It’s always Cap. Probably stems from her upbringing and time spent on the sea.
“I guess if you want to keep pining, then she’s free for anyone else. She’s cute. Veck or Eirlik might be interested. Not sure if she’d want either of them over you or Dane, but they can always try,” Jorn says.
“Shut your fucking mouth,” I snap, my head whirring toward him to find a sly smile there. “Don’t even think about it, Jorn.” My tone should be enough of a warning, but I can see the mischief in his eye.
He knows how to push my buttons, and I know exactly what he is doing. He’s trying to goad me into making a move by threatening the interest of other men. He doesn’t understand the severity of the situation. He wasn’t raised in a castle, and he doesn’t have an oath he swore to the royal family.
“Enough stalling,” Jorn says as he stands quickly, knocking the chair to the ground behind him. “You came down here for a reason, and it’s time to play.”
He strides over to the doorway and calls out, “Hangman is on in the mess! Better get down here now!”
There are some noises and footsteps in response, which Jorn clearly isn’t happy about, because he calls out even louder. “Captain is playing!”
Footsteps pound then, followed by cheers and calls out to others, and I roll my eyes. Jorn turns with a smug look on his face and walks back to the table, righting his chair before plopping into it.
“Get ready to be wrecked,” he says as more of the crew file in loudly, pulling out chairs and shifting tables around. “As if you weren’t already.”
“Fuck you,” I say and drain the last of my drink.
Jorn chuckles and organizes the game, urging everyone to get their drinks and get in place.
A few rounds pass without anyone choosing me for the bluff, which is typical.
They all want me to play, but everyone is afraid to make the first move.
Jorn’s hand carved dice rattle constantly on the table and I take small sips from my cup as everyone cheers and yells with each round.
When she walks into the room, my senses heighten, my gaze snapping to her as she follows Sig over to the galley. I follow her the entire walk, the game around me completely falling away into a dull noise. She cleaned up after today’s watch, and her arm is wrapped and treated thanks to Sig.
It should have been me taking care of her, especially with that wound, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t touch her for another second. That doesn’t stop the aching guilt from settling in my chest, knowing that it wasn’t me that helped her.
My eyes trail over her face, picking up on subtle tells she thinks aren’t there, things that make her emotions stand out like a sail flapping in the breeze. The clench of her jaw, the aversion of her eyes, the set of her shoulders.
She’s trying not to look over here.
She doesn’t realize how much like her father she is.
I’d know that body language anywhere. With Rem, I’d normally train it out of him, and I tried to do the same with her.
But with every single spar, every time I saw that glint of defiance in her eye, watching her charge at me, determination in every muscle of her body, it was a miracle I wasn’t hard on deck in front of the whole damn crew.
I already took enough liberties in that session, pulling her as close to me with any chance I was given.
My hands had a mind of their own, and they were begging her to be close.
It took every shred of control I had not to throw her over my shoulder and toss her in my bed to work the stubbornness out of her in a different way. What I wouldn’t give to have her stubborn defiance in bed as I was buried inside her.
“Sig! Lennox! Come play!” Jorn yells, breaking through my indecent thoughts.
“Go back to your game, Jorn!” Sig yells, which is met with a chorus of boos from the table.
I take another sip, watching her avoid looking over toward the table. I know I should look away, should focus back on the game and the crew. I should pretend like the kiss didn’t happen, because it can’t happen again.
No matter how bad I want it to.
Stassia walks in a moment later, blocking my view of her as she disappears through the doorway. The table rings out in cheers for Stass as she pushes her way into a spot to join the game, snagging an extra cup and filling it to the rim.
I reach over to grab the bottle from her, which she hands over happily, and fill mine again, almost knocking the dice out of the way when I set the bottle down in the middle of the table.
“Ha!” Jorn calls out, having rolled a number that lets him choose the next victim. I watch as his eyes slide to me, a glimmer in them as he stares me down, waiting for his question.
I don’t move a muscle, my face staying as stoic as possible. I know what is coming, and I know what I have to do to win the round.
“Captain,” he says, and everyone around makes some sort of noise of anticipation. He leans forward across the table toward me, looking me dead in the face. “Do you regret it?” he asks, his voice clear and direct despite how much drink he’s already had.
I don’t move a muscle. I focus on my breathing as I stare him down.
“Ooh, what are we regretting?” Stassia says happily as she scoots closer to the table.
“Yes,” I grumble, my glare pinning him down, but it barely affects him. My answer is the truth, or at least what I need to be the truth. If I say it out loud, maybe I can convince not only him, but myself.
He quirks his head to the side, still assessing me, before he says calmly, “You’re a fucking liar, Captain.”
I pause for a moment before giving in to the actual truth.
The truth that I don’t regret a fucking second of her lips on mine, that I wish I could do it again, right now, and not care at all about who we are or how we’re connected.
I let myself admit the truth, if only to Jorn, knowing he will keep it right here, at this table, with this game.
I lift my cup slowly, and his face glows with victory and understanding as the rim meets my lips.
I never take my eyes off him as I tip the whole thing back, and crows and calls and laughter erupt around me, the floorboards shaking under the stomps of boots as everyone congratulates Jorn on his win.
My chest burns and I feel the fire breath as I finish every drop, then reach out, slamming my hand onto the table.
“Give me these fucking dice,” I say, and cheers and whoops rise again.
I came down here to do one thing, and that was to dull my feelings and forget what happened, even if it is only for a little while, so that is what I’m going to do.
I’m going to play with my crew until I forget I don’t regret a damn thing about it.
But the moment I walk out of this room, it’s all over, and it will never happen again.