Chapter 39Hennessy
Chapter Thirty-Nine
HENNESSY
My hair is tired. I’m not even exaggerating. I’m so exhausted that there isn’t a single bit of organic material attached to me that isn’t wilting. I went into the office for what was supposed to be a quick meeting to get my replacement up to speed with my pending cases. It turned into a four-hour ordeal, capped off by a going-away party that I didn’t even want. All I could think about was the fact that I still had about a dozen boxes of glassware to wrap and pack.
It’s after midnight now, and I’m lying on my mattress, which is sitting on the floor since I took the frame apart for the move. The room is dark, save for the glow of the Weather Channel coming from the television. I’m keeping an eye on a storm cell that’s moving across the state. As of now it looks as if it’s going to miss me, but you never can tell with these things. And moving in Minnesota in March can be hard enough without an early spring blizzard to contend with.
I pull the covers up around my shoulders, getting chillier just thinking about it. Soon I’ll be on the east coast. And, while Boston is hardly the land of sunshine, it’s a good ten degrees warmer than it is here right now. I hear there are even a few bulbs popping up already. That’ll make for a nice change from the still-frozen earth I walk on every day.
My cell phone is on the counter in the kitchen, charging. I consider getting up to check it, but what’s the point, really? I’m done with work, and I don’t think I can handle one more “please don’t go” message from James. Or Walker. Or Bailey. Or Father Romance. Nor do I think I can handle the lack of a message from FWB. In the six weeks I was gone, he met another woman, fell madly in love and got engaged. I could be mistaken, but I’m pretty sure it was relief that crossed his face right after I told him I was moving. That should make his life easier, seeing as how I’ve already run into him and the new fiancée snogging in the elevator twice this week.
I feel something warm and wet on my neck and am surprised to find I’m actually crying. Could it be that I cared for that guy more than I thought? No, of course not. I do care for a guy more than I thought, but it isn’t him. It’s the one who’s most likely sipping a drink on his balcony overlooking the Pacific Ocean right now. He’s not worrying about snow. Or moving. Or being alone and lonely the rest of his life.
Suddenly I can hear his words echoing in my ears as clearly as if he were standing in front of me.
“Someday soon, you’re going to realize the mistake you’ve made. And you’ll feel bad about this moment, right here. What you’ve said, what you’ve done. And you’ll wish you had it all to do again. But you won’t, Hennessy. You won’t.”
He was absolutely right. I realize the mistake I’ve made. I feel bad about that moment and I wish I had it all to do again. But I don’t.
Okay. Enough already, Hennessy!
I sniff and use the sheet to dry the tears on my cheeks. The exhaustion is making me emotional, and if I don’t get some sleep soon, no way will I be up for the drive to Boston. And not going is not an option. I’m a big girl now, and it’s time I lived with the consequences of the decisions I’ve made. Time to start over again. Time to put aside my fantasies about an idyllic life surrounded by family and friends.
And love. Definitely time.