Eleven | Cassidy
Eleven
Cassidy
T he tension was thick between us as Sean worked on piling a few pillows onto the couch and tucking in a thick blanket. I knew I had hurt him with what I said, even though that wasn’t my goal. I didn’t want to hurt Sean, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t still hurting from what happened between us. Back then, I convinced myself that I was too young to know what love felt like and that my heartbreak was so hard because I didn’t just lose a boyfriend; I lost my best friend. But deep down, I’d always wondered if he really was my first true love.
He finished what he was working on and left the room, leaving Max sitting beside me as we waited for his return. I hated that I was stuck here for the foreseeable future, especially now that we had this giant elephant in the room that neither of us wanted to deal with.
“Here, put these on. You’ll stay warmer,” Sean said, returning with a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt.
“I’m fine. Thank you.”
“Cassidy, I’m not in the mood to fight with you anymore tonight. Please just put these on so I can rest knowing you’re not freezing your ass off.”
I could hear the pain and frustration in his voice, so I took them and tried to smile, but it fell short. I walked past him to the bathroom and changed. It was surprising how soft and warm they were, but the worst part was that the sweatshirt smelled like him.
When I returned, he was putting a blanket down on the recliner.
“What are you doing?” I asked, stopping in my tracks as I watched him.
He looked over his shoulder and then turned his attention back to the chair.
“Making my bed.”
“Why? You have an actual bed. You should go sleep in that.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why not?”
He finally stopped and turned to face me. His features were hard, and there was a furrow between his brows.
“Because, Cassidy, I’m not going to go sleep in my bed while you freeze out here on the couch.”
“So you’re going to torture yourself by trying to sleep in that thing?” I pointed to the chair that didn’t look nearly long enough, even in a reclined position, to fit him.
“Sure am.”
“Sean, you’re being ridiculous. Just go sleep in your bed. I’ll be fine in here. I have plenty of blankets and warm sweats. It’s not like I’m camping out in the wilderness.”
“No, but this room gets cold quickly. It’s the one thing I hate about this house. I’m not leaving you in here to suffer while I’m warm and comfy in my bed. So either you come sleep in my bed with me, or we both camp out in here.”
Max laid down on the hardwood floor and whimpered, probably from how cold it was. I knew that he wasn’t going anywhere without Sean and that he would be more comfortable in the bedroom. So technically, I wasn’t making a decision that benefited Sean; I was thinking about poor Max and his comfort.
“Fine. We’ll sleep in your room.”
It hurt to say that because the thought of being in his bed again sent a flurry of emotions rushing through me. I didn’t want to have to think about the past or have the memories of happier times with him. But he was right. This room was already painfully cold, even with the warmer clothes on. It was stupid to make everyone suffer by sleeping in here just because I was hung up on the past.
“We don’t have to. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s fine,” I assured him for a second time. “We’ll all sleep in the bedroom.”
“In the bed,” he added, giving me a stern look.
I rolled my eyes and headed for his bedroom without replying. Max stayed on my heels until we got inside and then cuddled up in the soft bed tucked in the corner of the room. It surprised me that he didn’t sleep in the bed with Sean, given how clingy he was. But then again, I couldn’t imagine that Sean was the kind of guy who wanted a dog sleeping on top of him—which was likely no doubt what Max would do if given the chance.
“Which side do you want me on?” I asked, waiting before I got in on the wrong side.
“Whichever side you want. It doesn’t matter to me.”
I looked around and noticed which nightstand had more items on it, and went with the opposite side. I pulled the blanket back and climbed in, already hating how much I loved the softness of his bed. The mattress was thick and immediately pulled me in, making me want to never leave again.
I felt the bed shift slightly as he climbed in beside me. He was right; it was a lot warmer in the bedroom, likely due to there being only one small window hidden behind heavy curtains. I pulled the blanket up tighter around me and closed my eyes as sleep quickly took me.
In the morning, I woke up to Sean painfully close to me as his warm breath tickled my neck. My eyes fluttered open to find his face right next to mine and one hand resting on my hip. Before I could move and try to get away, his eyes opened and locked onto mine.
“I thought I made it clear last night that me sleeping in your bed didn’t mean you had any right to touch me or try to cuddle,” I said, pulling my head back as far away as possible. The last thing I wanted was for him to think this was okay.
“You did,” he replied, his voice still filled with sleepiness.
“Okay, then please explain to me why you’re in my face and why your hand is on my hip.”
“Technically, you’re in my face. And my hand is on your hip to keep you from kneeing me in the balls again.”
My eyebrows pinched together as I stared at him in confusion.
“What in the world are you talking about? You’re clearly the one violating the no-pass zone we established with the rolled blanket last night. It was there for a reason. To keep you on your side and me on mine.”
“Yeah, and as you can tell, that didn’t work so well. Not only did you encroach on my space, you brought your barrier along with you. Look over your shoulder, and you’ll see what I mean.”
I cautiously glanced to the side and gasped in horror as I saw all of the space on the other side of the bed where I was supposed to be sleeping. I propped myself on my elbow and looked over at his side to find him right on the edge of the mattress. If he rolled even half an inch, he would be on the floor.
“Sean!” I exclaimed, smacking him on the shoulder.
“What?” he held his hand up defensively so as not to lose his balance and fall off the bed.
“Why didn’t you wake me up and tell me to move back to my side of the bed?”
“You were sleeping well, and I wanted you to get rest.”
“So you just slept on that tiny sliver of mattress all night and let me knee you in the balls?”
“No, technically, you didn’t start moving this way until around four this morning. I couldn’t tell if you were having a bad dream or not, but you rolled over and grabbed me. You were breathing heavily and kept crying, but then when I put my arms around you, you stopped. I don’t know what the dream was about, but it seemed to end once you cuddled up next to me.”
I covered my face with my hands and groaned.
“Oh my God. That’s so embarrassing.”
“Why is it embarrassing?”
“Because it is. I mean, who does that in their sleep? Not only did I make you hold me, I nearly pushed you off the bed. Trust me—that’s embarrassing.”
“It’s not a big deal. I got plenty of sleep, and it appears you did too. That was the goal, so it doesn’t matter how we got there. Plus, it was a lot warmer with us sharing body heat. But the good news is the power came on sometime this morning, so I can make some coffee and breakfast if you’re hungry.”
I knew he was just doing all of this to be nice because we were stuck together, but I hated that, deep down, I missed being with him. I missed what could have been if he hadn’t messed things up for us when we had a chance.