34. Pandora #4
I laugh and look down to avoid seeing their faces. “Yeah. Okay, yeah, I did stalk you there. That’s what I mean with me being a lot. There’s that saying, if you can’t handle me at my worst…”
“Pandora—” River tries to say, but I raise my hand.
“Shut up, River. Let me finish.” I take a deep breath.
“That saying is bullshit. Because handling me at my worst is fucking exhausting. I know, because I have to handle me at my worst all the time. And the three of you are so perfect, and you’ve been with me throughout it all, and I…
I love you for it, so much, so fucking much…
” My eyes water with stupid fucking tears.
“And I nearly lost you all because I was such a stupid, crazy, idiot, and I don’t want to do that again.
I mean, I want to defeat my enemies and become a giant world-eating snake, but maybe with a bit more control. ”
Asch gets down onto the floor with me, taking my hands into his.
“We aren’t perfect. You know that. But we’ll try to never hurt you again.
I mean…” He lets out a nervous laugh. “We will, because people fuck up. But never that badly. Never again. Because…” His voice goes soft. “I love you too, Pandora.”
Well.
I laugh, and I sob harder too. I don’t get it. I thought hearing nice words would make the crying stop?
Blaze gets onto the floor too. He reaches past Asch to ruffle my hair. “I already told your Papa, but yeah, I love you, Pandora.”
My smile freezes on my face. “Wait. You told Papa you love him?”
Blaze groans, and the gentle ruffling turns into a harder tug. “No! I told him I love you, and that I was never going to leave you. Also, who else is going to help me crush my enemies? Not any Monicas or Laras, that’s for sure.”
I wish these stupid, embarrassing tears would stop. I keep smiling though, my lips going so wide that my cheeks hurt. “Yeah. Nobody else in the world would laugh about your jokes either, Blaze.”
“Because they aren’t funny,” Asch chimes in.
River shakes his head, and he gets onto my other side. “I already told you, but I’ll tell you again until you believe it. I love you too, Pandora. I know I came here to get revenge on you and all—”
Asch gives him a sidelong look.
“—but everything has changed,” River continues, ignoring him.
I laugh some more, and I keep laughing, even through all the gobs of tears. “Oh. Well. Y’know, I’m kind of happy about all this? I was… I was really scared.”
River draws me into his arms, and I sob against his shoulder for a few seconds.
I’m crazy and pathetic, apparently.
But I’m also Pandora Pavone, destroyer of worlds, heir to a formerly very vicious mafia empire. And future leader of another one.
I sit back and wipe my eyes. “God, you guys are so pathetic,” I say. “Getting mushy on me.”
They grumble in protest, but none of them take me seriously.
It’s like they know me.
I reach into my own box and pull out the last part of my gift.
“Okay. And. Because I want to show I’m… I’m committed, and that I do value you.” I swallow hard. “This is the hardest part. So no joking at all.”
I show them the card.
Blaze is the first to take it. He mouths the words on it, and his brow furrows. “Pandora?”
I have to take another breath before I continue.
“She’s a good, discreet psychiatrist. Therapist. Whatever.
I… I already made an appointment. Papa vouched for her, which means if nothing else, she owes him a lot and will be super nice and helpful to me.
” I laugh awkwardly. “I figure, going around with stupid hallucinations of bleeding walls and empty cavities in my chest is not really sustainable anymore. And it makes me act really, really crazy around you all, and I… I don’t want that anymore. ”
“You aren’t crazy,” River says, touching my cheek. “But… if you think this is what you need, we’ll support you. A hundred percent.”
Asch nods. “Anything you think you need to do, Pandora. Whatever we need to do, we’ll do that too.”
Blaze looks at the card, then meets my gaze with his one eye. “Just as long as you aren’t going to go soft on us.”
I scoff through the tears. “Ugh, no way. I will continue to vanquish my enemies. But maybe with a bit more clarity and less of the dripping walls.”
“Thank you for trusting us,” Asch says. “I hope she can help the hallucinations go away.” He smiles crookedly at me. “She’d better not try to get you to dump our sorry asses, though.”
“I’d dump her before I dump you,” I promise. I wipe at my eyes. “Okay. That was the big panic-inducing surprise. Surprise! I love you. Surprise! I’m gonna get professional help.”
River lifts his hand up and studies his ring. “I think this has all been a very good surprise,” he says, then he leans in to kiss me. “I’m proud of you, Pandora.”
“I love you, Pandora,” Blaze says, leaning forward so he can catch my lips as soon as I break away from River.
Asch is there to kiss me as soon as Blaze is done devouring my mouth, and he murmurs, “I love you. So much.”
I don’t deserve him.
I don’t deserve any of them, not really, but I want them.
And hey, Pandora Pavone gets everything she wants.