Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
Ken
I cannot fucking believe this shit.
Oh, wait, I can.
Ken was finally starting to realize that Dewi viewed many problems as nails. Most problems, if he was being honest.
And she was a hammer that usually tackled all nails in the exact same way.
Including this problem.
She wasn’t just a hammer, either. She wasn’t some dainty, tack hammer, or a basic, all-purpose finishing hammer, or a claw hammer, or even a framing hammer.
No, Dewi was one of those humongous sledgehammers they used on the home improvement shows to knock down walls.
Yes, he’d obviously underestimated how helpless she’d felt about not being able to participate in the search for Peyton, or help take down the lab—and how upset she was at a visceral level that he’d been pulled into that and was working on the computer surveillance, too—but goddammit, this was beyond the pale.
Even for her.
I never should’ve told her about the data. I should’ve kept my mouth shut, dealt with it with Peyton, and then handed it off to him.
He fought the urge to pace the house until he finally received a text from Peyton.
I’ve got her. I’ll bring her home. I want to talk to her first. ETA 60min +/-
Relief so sharp and piercing it felt painful filled Ken. He collapsed onto the sofa, his phone in his hand.
He stared at Lyssa, where she lay blissfully sleeping on her quilt.
Ken thought about that night, which felt like an eternity ago, when he sat in the booth at the sports pub with his onion rings while grading papers.
He’d assumed nothing more disruptive than the onion rings chattering at him in the middle of the night lay in his immediate future.
And then Dewi walked up to him. Not only did his life change, but his entire understanding of the universe at large flipped on its axis and dumped him on his head.
He’d thought after Lyssa was born—not counting him secretly flying to the UK—that life would settle down.
This was not settling down.
Not even in the same universe as “settling down.”
Is “settling up” a phrase?
It damned sure felt like it should be. At least where Dewi was concerned.
They’d talked after she’d brought Manuel Segura here to the house to kill him without asking Ken first.
They’d talked when he returned from the UK.
They’d talked just a couple of weeks ago when he—stupidly—told her about the data.
That’s when it hit him. Dammit, she decided to go to Mexico then.
That realization pulled him up short. How the fuck did she lie to me?
He’d never outright tried to lie to her, but he’d sometimes felt an uncomfortable mental itchiness over the past year while working with Peyton when he had to verbally wiggle his way out of telling Dewi things without outright falling back on the “Pack Alpha business” bullshit excuse.
Did she lie to me about not being able to lie to me?
More importantly, was this what his future looked like? Having to verbally joust with her every fucking time she set foot outside the house to make sure she wasn’t trying to wiggle around telling him the full truth about what was going on?
What will it take for her to fucking stop playing these kinds of games with me and understand how I feel?
Ironically, it also hit him that despite him detesting Donnel and what he did—and wishing he could slug him again—Ken almost understood where he was coming from.
What would he himself do to ensure Dewi didn’t take unnecessary risks? Would he ask Peyton to stick a damned radio tracking collar on her?
No, but that thought grew more tempting with every incident.
Ken understood exactly why she didn’t tell him the full truth, because she knew he would have instantly gone to Peyton and ratted her out and put a stop to whatever it was she planned to do.
Fuck me.
Dewi
That felt like the longest drive of her life. As they headed north, Peyton didn’t speak, at first.
“You can’t do this, Dewster,” he softly said.
“Do what?” she asked without moving her face from where it was pressed against the cool glass. “My job? Protecting the pack? Are you removing me from my position?”
“No. I mean you cannot lone-wolf this shit anymore. That worked when you were single and not a mom. You cannot work like this anymore.”
“Like someone who didn’t bother to call his mate first thing and instead dragged my mate without asking me first across the goddamned ocean and terrifying me?”
“Dammit, Dewi, that’s not the same!”
“Yes, it is, Peyton,” she wearily said, closing her eyes. “It’s the same damned thing only worse, because Gillian and all of us were terrified for you. I get not telling us, but not telling Gillian? That was a dick move, asshole.”
“I know, and it’s between me and her. Not your call to make.”
“Oh, you mean not like your call to make between me and my mate?”
“I’m your fucking Pack Alpha, Dewi. And your big brother!”
She finally opened her eyes and looked at him.
“I’m your Head Enforcer and your little sister, and I’m calling you out for fucking up, asshole.
How is that any different? If nothing else, I should’ve been your first call, not Ken.
The safety of our pack is literally my job.
If you’ve stopped trusting me to do my job then strip me of it or fuck off. ”
His jaw tightened as he stared out the windshield and went silent.
“It’s not the same,” he finally said. Again.
“It’s the same,” she softly said. “We both made decisions for the good of the pack without putting our personal situation first, regardless of how it impacted those we love. How is it not the same?”
“Fuck,” he muttered.
“I know you went through hell during the lab raid,” she quietly said a few minutes later.
“And I get why I couldn’t go on the lab raid.
I accept that. I don’t like it, but I understand and, grudgingly, agree with that stance.
But this? This was something literally I, as the only female Prime Alpha, and visibly pregnant, could do, with minimal risk, to eliminate a direct threat to us.
It was simple, it involved minimal personnel, it left a minimal electronic footprint, and it was handled quickly.
Just like you want me to keep you in the loop?
Okay, if Ken had called you and told you, and you stopped me—honestly, what were your plans to handle this?
Let it go on for weeks and months and she potentially contacted the Russians and dragged them back into play to give us yet another threat to worry about? ”
“I don’t know!” he roared, but she didn’t flinch. “It didn’t have to be you!”
She pointed finger guns at him and kept her tone quiet.
“It did have to be me, and we both know it. Just because you feel a lifetime of guilt for events beyond your control and how they impacted me doesn’t mean you can shirk your duty as Pack Alpha just because you’re upset your little sister has to sometimes be the one to do the dirty work. ”
He suddenly pulled off the interstate onto the shoulder, skidding in the loose gravel, and threw it into park once they stopped. He hit the emergency flashers and turned to look at her. “You can’t just flippantly try to wrap this up and put a bow on it.”
“I’m not. You’re trying to get me to admit that I was wrong to take this course of action when we both know I wasn’t.
Should I have told Ken the full truth? Yes.
Would you have stopped me? Yes. And you and I would be having this same fight, and I’d still be going to Mexico, except there would’ve been a fuck-ton of angst for Ken on the front end, you would’ve insisted on going with me while also dragging in a bunch more people as backup, and that would have exponentially increased the risk and exposure for all of us. Tell me I’m wrong.”
He let out a roar but she didn’t flinch, her mental and physical exhaustion insulating her from his rage like a dank woolen cloak from a musty old trunk.
Not great, or even preferable, but ultimately useful.
Only the sound of the blinkers clicking and of cars rushing by filled the cabin.
“What am I supposed to do with you?” he finally asked.
She shrugged. “Let’s get real. Despite not really wanting it, we both know I’ll end up Pack Alpha one day.
Hopefully one day looong in the future. Would you rather hand the pack over to someone you have no clue if they can make hard decisions, or would you rather the pack be handed to someone with a proven track record and who knows that, sometimes, the shittiest decisions have to be made for the well-being and survival of the pack?
You were thrown into this. That sucked. You dealt with losing Mom and Dad, and raising me, and then trying to run the pack.
All of that while younger than I am now.
In this instance? I have the advantage, and instead of fighting me on it, you should be thanking the Goddess that I’m resigned to my fate and doing my best not to be a narcissistic asshole about how much power I have. ”
Peyton dropped his head to the steering wheel and groaned. “This is all my fault. I should’ve let Badger train you but never appointed you as Head Enforcer.”
“Why? Because I’m good at my job? You don’t think I recognize my people skills can sometime be seen as lacking?
If I was a guy instead of a woman, no one would be questioning my decisions, least of all you.
You wouldn’t be chewing me a new one; you’d be patting me on the back with ‘attaboys’ and buying me a beer, Peyton.
I’m not that toddler in the hospital. I’m not the little girl who never smiled.
I’m a fucking grown-ass woman with the second most important job in this pack.
Instead of worrying about my work-life balance, maybe you should be looking in the mirror. ”
He didn’t move, his head on the steering wheel. “I’m not smoothing this over between you and Ken?”