22. Ruby
twenty-two
“The girls are already speculating.”
I do not turn to face Riley. Instead, I keep my focus on the training mat, where the Amelia’s practice hand-to-hand combat with Rawlings. Alice ducks, barely avoiding a fist.
“I just thought you should know,” she continues. “She’s very bright and an excellent student. She seems to pick up on everything easily. Like it’s in her nature. Part of her physical and emotional make up.”
Turning my head, I look at Riley.
“Like you, I mean.” She casts her eyes down, unable to hold my gaze.
“Like me.”
“I just, Ruby… you might not want to wait. That’s all I’m saying.” Riley’s voice drops to a barely audible whisper, “Unless you do, and Ruby, I’d stand behind you on that.”
I turn back to the girls, the sound of Riley’s steps getting further and further away.
We speculated too. Well, the other girls did, for years before I was named. Rowan and I never offered our opinion, but we listened to the others. We couldn’t decide if me being Ruby was a good thing or a bad thing. The older girls seemed jealous of my skill, but it also seemed like so much pressure to put on a young girl.
And Rowan and I were both so young. Young enough to be afraid of what was going on around us, and old enough to understand it was a better alternative than where we came from. We held each other those first few nights when the shadows crept in and settled around us, cloaking us in their darkness. It was one we were unfamiliar with, but we quickly realized that we could hide there. Our pasts, our pain, could stay in the darkness where nobody else had to see it. It was just us. Us against the world.
It didn’t take long to see why Rowan was recruited to be a Red. If the high court knew how good she was on computers back then, I imagine she would have been shipped out to serve under another Ruby as a young teen. She had far surpassed her instructor’s skills by then. Computers are Rowan’s second, if not first, language. But I think Ruby wanted Rowan for herself, just like she wanted me. Or maybe in some sick way she wanted my only friend to be nearby but just out of reach. The friend I was no longer allowed to have, allowed to confide in. We were separated, only allowed to speak to each other if another red commanded it. Ruby’s own special form of torture, just another way to break me.
“Ruby! Watch out!” Rawlings shouts as two Amelias tumble toward me, a mess of hair and black spandex.
“Enough,” I yell, and the two girls separate and climb to their feet. Their hair is a mess, sticking out of their braids, and Alice’s nose is bleeding. The other girl rubs her scalp, eyes narrowed at Alice. Alice gives me an upside-down smile and then holds her hand out to the girl who stands there unmoving. Alice opens her fist and hair floats to the floor.
“You,” I point to Alice. “Follow me. Now.”
I turn on my heel and a chorus of “Oohs” hit my back.
“Ten laps for the rest of them,” I yell over my shoulder to Rawlings.
“You heard the queen. Get running, brats.”
Halfway down the hall, I have to turn around to make sure Alice is behind me. She is—smug smile and all. Her footsteps are so light, it almost makes me uneasy. Part of me wants to force her to walk in front of me.
I lead her inside an empty training room. The stretching room that the Reds lovingly refer to as the torture chamber. She stands in the middle of the room, her eyes watching me as I move closer. It’s on the tip of my tongue, everything Ruby said to me that first day. I even open my mouth, but then close it again. She doesn’t move as I pace the room. She doesn’t speak to fill the silence. She waits. Is she afraid? Or is she anticipating praise? I can’t tell.
“You,” I start. I need to do this, it’s my legacy, but the girl in front of me is just that, a little girl. One who needs people that love her and take care of her. People who build her up, not break her down. Just because she was handed a shit life, doesn’t mean she has to live mine.
I don’t know if I can do this.
“I… I don’t think you are Ruby material,” I say, and her face pinches. “I don’t think you have it in you, despite what the other girls are saying.”
“But,” she blubbers. “But…”
“But, nothing.” I deliver my final blow and leave her in the torture chamber, slamming the door behind me. There’s something I have to do.
Now.