30. Ruby
thirty
When Cassius has thoroughly cleansed me of his semen, he lies on his back and pulls me into his side. My head rests on his chest, and I count his heartbeats.
Thud. One.
Thud. Two.
Thud. Three.
The world is silent except for the pounding in his chest.
Thud. Four.
Thud. Five.
I push closer to him, wanting our two bodies to become one.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
I lose count when his heartbeat speeds. I feel him open his mouth to say something, but he closes it again before any words come out.
I’m glad he doesn’t say it. He doesn’t need to. I know because I feel it too. Our bodies, our souls, the shattered pieces of us, they’re mixed together now, and I no longer know which pieces are mine and which are his.
I sigh into him, calm flooding my body.
In my peripheral, the screen of my phone flashes and then it rings with an incoming video call. We both startle at the intrusion, the moment lost.
I press the button to accept the call, and Rowan appears on the screen. Wherever she is, it’s dark, the only light coming from the screen, turning her face pale and sullen.
“Rubes,” she starts, but I interrupt her.
“Where are you, Row?”
She swallows. “In my closet, but listen, it doesn’t matter where I am, it’s the only place I can talk about this. We have a major problem. You don’t recognize Hannah, do you?”
I shake my head and look at Cassius, who shrugs. “I don’t know why you would,” he says.
“Rubes, it’s Rawlings.”
Rawlings? That doesn’t make sense.
“Hannah is Rawlings?” I ask.
“Not quite, now listen. I don’t have long. Someone is going to discover this soon enough, and shit is going to hit the fan.”
“Row, I—”
“Not. Now. Rubes. Just listen. I can’t talk. It’s not safe. I’m sending you an encrypted file. Give it to Garrett, he’ll know what to do. I gotta go.”
Her eyes shift to something off camera, and the call ends. My phone falls on the bed between me and Cassius before vibrating, an email notification appearing at the top of the screen. I freeze, a statue of uncertainty. Rowan looked terrified, on edge even. Is someone after her or, worse, hurting her?
“Here,” Cassius says, interrupting my free fall into my intrusive thoughts. He pulls on the pants he discarded earlier and throws me his shirt. I step into my panties and slide my arms into its soft sleeves. I miss a button in my rush for answers but don’t bother to fix it. There’s no time for that, not now.
Cassius lets out a long breath, and when I look up at him, I’m taken aback by the expression I see there. A small smile is spread across his face, but there’s no hunger in it like I expect to see. Instead, his smile is warm and peaceful. It heats my insides like a crackling fire on a snowy winter night. Comfortable and safe.
Fires though, can’t always be contained and as my heart beats for Cassius, it pours gasoline on the flames that lick at my thoughts. It engulfs my soul, smothering any chance of self-preservation. My life no longer exists without Cassius. I will destroy anyone who threatens him. I will burn this world to the ground until it is nothing but ash and Ember.
Everything is so confusing, and it’s all blending together, tangling in knots that I can’t untie. Worry for Rowan, the truth about my feelings for Cassius, suddenly it all feels like too much. My heart beats faster, erratic, like it might pound right out of my chest. My breath quickens, and I gasp, my lungs desperate for air. Blinking back tears, I swallow, trying to swallow down the feelings, to push them down to where they used to live.
Strong protective arms surround me, pulling me close.
Cassius puts a finger under my chin, lifting my face to look at him, and then crushes his lips to mine. His kiss silences the noise and douses the flame. I never want to move. I want to live right here, forever in his arms. Safe in the quiet, getting lost in his kiss.
When he finally pulls away, he does it slowly, like it’s painful to separate himself from me. His eyes narrow at me in concern before he pulls me tighter to him, the side of my face snug against his bare chest. His lips press tenderly into my hair.
“I got you Ember,” he whispers, his voice barely a breath. “I got you.”
Ember .